The audacity of the naked truth is the ultimate kick in the pants.
I was going to write about some of the things that haven’t gone that well over past twelve months — but that sounded a little too retrospective. I wanted to talk about something more in the ‘now’. So let’s slay a few dragons with one progressive stroke.
The aggressor? Negative self-talk — the omnipresent inhibitor of growth.
At the end of my last article (http://bit.ly/2HlLgu7), I made mention of negative thought patterns. Those words may have been the most telling part of the piece. Significant because they hinted at my most consistent and reliable peculiarity — negativity. It is present seven days a week in whatever I am doing. I have the habit of allowing negative thoughts to arise, perpetuate and sometimes taint the rest of the day. They are often unrelated to anything I might be doing and infuse even the most innocent of events, thoughts and actions with a seeping pessimism. Whether I like it or not it appears to be a fixture of my personality. People talk of accepting negative thoughts for what they are let them drift past like the fluffy non-consequential clouds. That may be a great way of looking at them. However, when they appear systematically, they become an integral part of the ongoing story. They have become a part of the daily mix and are accepted as such — part of a cyclical narrative, always taking you back to where you started.
If negative thoughts are one of the most indelible parts of my personality, they have also covertly, over time, become part of my identity. My seemingly relaxed demeanour which sometimes fluxes into intensity under the guise of ‘focused’ — can be overly serious. I become a self-absorbed ‘thinker’ and less of a creative ‘doer’. When I have my serious hat on, it often gives way to feelings of doubt. This sometimes leads to my gut instincts being put on-hold or shut-down and progress is delayed once again.
On the other hand, maybe doubt is essential for progress? It provides an overview of the pros and cons of a decision or action and allows rational judgements to be made. This may well be the case, but when the balance is weighted towards pessimism, everything gets shut down. Only now am I beginning to grasp the concept that my thought behaviour dictates everything I achieve, or indeed ‘fail’ to complete. If I am pursuing a need to be more in tune with my creativity — perpetuating the negative part of my identity, is just plain stupid. I guess the first stage for me is to realise when those thoughts emerge I need a strategy — not just to let them float by, always promising to return — but to nurture the more positive aspects of my identity, so they squeeze out the toxic self-talk.
Much like my other more positive personality traits, the negative part of my identity is self-generated. The main difference between the ‘doubty’ stuff and the good stuff is that it drains my mental energy. Negativity has become such a fixture of my identity (notwithstanding the many positives of course) — that I have come to rely on it as much as anything else as a cornerstone in my quest for self-worth through perfection. Unfortunately by establishing pessimism as one of the pillars of my existence I provide it with permission to exist. As I have already mentioned, that is just plain stupid.
The propensity to doubt yourself and judge your actions is inherent in the mix — or so we are told. It is like being driven by dissatisfaction — if I am dissatisfied it means I am striving and struggling towards something. The ‘struggle’ makes it worthwhile — what a fallacy. This suggests the struggle and dissatisfaction become part of the daily merry-go-round and eventually encroach on my identity. Wouldn’t it be more beneficial to remove the thoughts that are energy sapping and move toward a sense of daily satisfaction? A kind of self-reward, not for what isn’t being achieved, but for what is being achieved.
My last article sparked something when I started to challenge the things that I had led myself to believe as being true. By thinking about the opposite of what I habitually saw as being ‘right’ — allowed me to re-evaluate some of the other things I saw as being immovable. I reframed by asking if they were benefitting me in any way whatsoever. Simple enough, but that reframing helped me to adjust my perceptions of who I am, what I am capable of and how to capitalise on that by cutting out the unnecessary negativity. Focussing on the good, as a daily practice. This provides a massive shift in perception of what is achievable and possible day after day, week after week and so on. By concentrating on steady and consistent progress, the propensity for viewing things through the lens of glum is significantly reduced. Thoughts that focus on the good provide an ecosystem for growth. Pragmatic and optimistic thinking enables an environment for progress.
Positive thinking was never about walking around with your head in the clouds.
It’s more about trying to create some clarity of what is being accomplished. This makes the process of development even more enjoyable and reduces the importance of ‘struggle’ and ‘dissatisfaction’ in the pursuit of ‘perfect’ (whatever that is) — by focusing on nurturing the good bits.
This establishes a state of mind that raises energy levels and allows forward movement without being negatively judged (by yourself). By focusing on the good, the not so good becomes less critical and therefore can be judged for what they are, bumps in the road. I am not trying to be momentarily progressive. I am creating sustained and steady growth — this requires a distinct change in mindset. The not so good personality traits I have so fondly nurtured over the years will be dealt with one by one, stripping me back to my creative core.
