A Woman Amongst Men

This week I’ve become very aware of my role as a female in a team full of males. I naturally just know that I am the only female but it has never become so apparent till this week.

After doing the feedback workshop in class Thursday, I have found that my entire team is more than aware that I am the only female and feel as though that is all I think and notice. Learning about this was some what of a reality check for myself. In my mind I acknowledged there would be slightly different treatment amongst my team but now I’m not so sure I think it’s all that small.

I’ve never really thought about this but I’ve now started re-analyzing everything that has happened from the start of this team to where we have come to now. I’m beginning to identify these smaller moments where there were differences in how I was being acknowledged, treated, and spoken to in comparison to others on the team. Even as I meet with my group now, or talk to other males in general my senses have enhanced to be aware of every detail of differences I am receiving.

I’m beginning to wonder if this has effected my own performance or willingness. I question myself more than I have before and I feel more pressure to do better and try harder. It ‘s discomforting to be in this position and to doubt everything I have been up until this point.

I hate being the person that pushes themselves to be a certain way to gain certain perspectives from people. I’ve always known to just be who I am and people will understand and accept that, respect it even. This I’m not so sure of anymore. I’m not entirely sure where I’m personally at now that I’ve acknowledged my position as a women in design and in a business but I do know that my mentality isn’t the same anymore.

Creative Founders Fall15

Originally published at chaosanalicia.tumblr.com.