Prey
How I learned to fear sleep
Barely out of toddlerhood,
Someone taught me to kneel at my bed
Before I laid myself upon it
Hands clasped, chin tucked to chest
Lashes rested upon chubby cheeks,
I whispered words that forever changed me
And learned to fear that the ones I loved
Might die while they slept
That any time I closed my eyes might be
My last goodbye
Author Notes: I was a lonely child, one who found religion very young, and who grabbed on for dear life. If you are unfamiliar with the prayer referenced here, I’ve written it out below. Its author is unknown. My fear about losing loved ones to death began around the same time that I learned this prayer. It became worse when I was 8 and my great-uncle died of a sudden heart attack, while he napped, at only 45.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take
It was ended with “God bless” and a list of people you loved (or were supposed to). I do not recall who first taught it to me, but I know my (not even actually religious herself) aunt was one who helped make sure I said it nightly, at least for a time.
As a now chronic insomniac, I sometimes wonder at the source of my night time anxieties. I know this prayer was one of them.
©Juliet James 2024. All Rights Reserved.
