I’m Not Okay, and Neither Are You
Happy Easter everyone! Today, Christians everywhere (except Coptic and Greek Orthodox Christians) are celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ and His victory over sin and death. In my opinion, it is the most important day for Christians all year. Many people are celebrating from their homes today due to shelter-in-place guidelines states have imposed due to COVID-19. For that, I’m incredibly grateful. I watched, in my athletic shorts and t-shirt, a sermon online from one of my friends from seminary. I’m also celebrating it today by writing to you. I first want to apologize for not getting to you sooner. I’m sure you won’t hold it against me. This time is unprecedented for everyone. It’s for a reason I’m also sure that you can relate to as well.
Today marks the 29th day that I’ve been in under a shelter-in-place order. While that doesn’t mean I haven’t been out of the house, or that I haven’t seen anybody besides my reflection in the mirror, it does mean that my whole world is out of whack. If you have ever met me, you will know that I am a classically extroverted person. Groups help me recharge. I NEED to be around other people to survive and thrive. That’s why working in retail and in the church is so rejuvenating for me. FaceTime only gets you so far, honey. Second, I need routine. My anxiety thrives on unpredictability. You know what’s unpredictable? A disease that can spread through asymptomatic people, has halted all of everyday life, and has killed over 22 thousand people in this country. THAT is unpredictable. So this isolation and unpredictability has left me in a terrible state. It is the opposite of what I should be feeling on this joyous day of Easter.
The next several weeks will be dichotomous ones. For those who are unfamiliar with the Christian liturgical calendar, Easter is not just a day. It is actually a season that starts today. It is 50 days long, ending in the day of Pentecost (greek for “fiftieth”…groundbreaking). It is a time of great celebration, of rejoicing with loved ones, and of praising the one who defeated death and gave us all a way to spend eternity with God. Except we CAN’T DO THAT RIGHT NOW! We have to be stuck in our homes, or working essential jobs so that society doesn’t completely spiral out of control. So many healthcare workers will be looking at death when they should be celebrating this season of eternal life. I know it’s obvious, but it needs to be said: this is not normal.
Normal should be me being ready for today’s Braves game at 1 PM, or reading up on spring practice for UGA football. It should be me working my shift at Apple today, and getting people excited about our new products. People should be at church, celebrating birthdays, dining out at restaurants, and going to concerts or shows. Instead, and rightfully so, we are staying at home because a virus could easily wipe us out. I know I’m doing the right thing, but I’m not okay. I’m so far from okay. I want to let you know that you don’t have to be okay either.
You don’t have to put a positive spin on what’s going on right now. This sucks. You may have wanted to be super productive in the house, and it hasn’t happened. You may have wanted to work out and become healthier in your home, but the only running you’re doing is running to the fridge again. You may have become an impromptu teacher, babysitter, or teleworker to varying degrees of success. In my world, my friends who are pastors have had to become familiar and somewhat adept at filming and editing services on video. It makes us feel less than or inadequate when we can’t match what we’re doing before our quarantined lives started. It is unprecedented.
I heard something incredibly profound in my friend’s Easter sermon today though. The first Easter was unprecedented. The resurrection of Christ was something never seen, and if I’m not mistaken, has not been seen since(lol). God moves in the midst of the unexpected, the spontaneous, the wild. In the book of Exodus, God sent plagues in Egypt to help deliver God’s people out of slavery. God allowed the Israelites to be ruled by a small young man named David who was the last in his family. God sent Jesus to die for our sins and was RAISED FROM THE DEAD to deliver us from sin and death. God moves during the unprecedented and the unexpected.
FYI, I’m not implying that God sent COVID-19 to the world. I’m saying that God is still near to us in times of great peril. We are in peril, to say the least.
This is also the God that is, “near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18). God knows that many people are financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually struggling right now. While there is some help with government assistance, it doesn’t solve everything because there’s no definite end to all of this. There are a lot of crushed people right now, like me. You may be feeling the same way. I’ve been blessed with a continual paycheck, but my depression and anxiety are in full swing. I spent an entire day in bed because I couldn’t muster the willpower to get up. I couldn’t eat for a day because my anxiety was in full swing, and anything I ate would’ve given me nausea. Acknowledge that you’re not okay, and that God is still here.
There really isn’t a positive cherry I can put on this s#%t sundae right now. To do so would be disingenuous. However, I would say to check in on your friends and family. Let them know you’re there for them in every way possible. Look at memes, watch YouTube, and whatever else you can think of to switch off your brain for a little bit. Finally, if you’re so inclined, pray or journal to really work out what’s going on in your heart. Some people even write blogs and have the audacity to assume that you’ll read it ;). I know we’ll be in this for a long, long time. I know that it’s not going to be over soon. I’m not okay. You’re not okay either. Let’s be not okay together. God is still moving.
