Apology

To all my lovers past

Photo by David Vázquez on Unsplash

I first want to apologise
To all my lovers past

You didn’t deserve what I put you through
You didn’t deserve the guilt I laid on you

You weren’t responsible for my insecurities
You weren’t a part of encouraging my fears

I already had built-in self-destruct buttons
I had already prepared my self-defence mechanisms

Long before
I ever met you

I created my own pain
But I blamed it on you
I invented my own fears
But I reflected them in you

So, I want to apologise to my lovers past
And to the lovers in the future, that you will have
For all of the defences, guilt and shame
For all of which, I am to blame