Carrie Bradshaw Sucks
How any of the other characters put up with her is beyond me
As this pandemic continues, my “To Watch” list is quickly dwindling down to the bones. So, in an attempt to keep the entertainment rolling, my girlfriend and I have developed a little quarantine project: one of us guides the other through the viewing of a show that the other hasn’t seen, alternating nights until the series is finished. Not only do the shows we choose have to be one of our all-time favorites, but they also have to be something that the other person never would have watched otherwise.
For the first round, she chose Sex And The City and I rolled with The Sopranos (cliché choices, I know).
We just finished both shows in their entirety and I gotta say…
I was way more into her choice than she was mine. I thoroughly enjoyed SATC — it’s funny, entertaining, and just poignant enough to remain compelling. From the characters, to the plot lines, to the fashion, I totally understand why it was such a cultural phenomenon during its run and beyond. In fact, I can’t wait to get started on the movies.
But there’s one thing I can’t understand, one big sour note hanging over the whole series: why in the hell is everybody so in love with Carrie Bradshaw? Both in the show and in real life (I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, but she still gets way too much of a pass). She’s the absolute worst! I’m no psychology expert, but she seems like an actual, full-blown narcissist. She’s a garbage human being and nobody seems to give a fuck!
This is no more apparent than in a pivotal scene in “Part One” of the series finale, which is a microcosm of the entire series as a whole. Long story short: Big (the volatile, longtime love interest) finds Carrie’s best friends (the other central characters) and asks for their help in a last ditch effort to win back her heart — at first it’s not received well, because they love her and are skeptical of him —then they finally agree to help him, but only after he establishes some common ground: their mutual love for Carrie and desire for her happiness. It’s one big Carrie love fest because she’s just so damn special and amazing.
But it’s all bullshit and makes zero sense.
Exhibit A
People seem to like Carrie, or at least admire her for, being a good friend — loving and loyal to those she cares about. Her friends say they would die for her and she’s the one they all go to first with secrets, news, and for advice.
But the reality is, she’s a terrible friend throughout the entire show!
In an earlier episode, Carrie is dating Big and is infatuated with him. One night, he wants to make a nice dinner, so she decides to stay in and help him, instead of going out. It’s really cute. Except for one thing — she gets a call from Miranda who is sitting alone at their dinner reservation and wondering where her friend is.
Things come up and life gets in the way. It happens. But this happened in the pre-smartphone age, and Carrie knew damn well her half-assed attempt at a head’s up wouldn’t be received. The worst part? She doesn’t even seem to understand why Miranda is upset.
And this is one of the more innocuous, forgivable instances. There are a handful of times in the show where Carrie unabashedly shows her friends that she doesn’t really care: it’s all about her and, when it comes down to it, everybody else can kick rocks.
Like the time when Miranda had neck problems and Carrie dropped by her apartment with bagels, in at attempt to apologize for already blowing her off the day before. Even though she forgets the cream cheese, much to Miranda’s dismay, that’s a pretty nice gesture — until Carrie admits that she forgot the cream cheese because she was too busy thinking about recent news in her life, which turned out to be the main motivation behind her “friendly” visit.
Yeah, there were times when she could be considered a “good friend,” but most of these were either small gestures that take minimal effort or were motivated by self-interest. It’s basically like when narcissists do just enough to appease the people in their lives in order to keep them around for their own benefit.
You need proof?
One time, after constant pressing, she convinces the girls to take a trip to Atlantic City for Charlotte’s birthday, despite the fact that the timing is bad for everybody involved except for her. Initially, not even the birthday girl wants to go. The trip has its ups and downs, but in the end, becomes a bonding experience for a group of friends that had not had a girls trip in quite some time. The problem? Neither this end result, nor Charlotte’s birthday were the reason why Carrie was so insistent on making AC happen. It was because she felt like she needed her friends after a kinda bad blind date. This became obvious when Charlotte finally starts having fun after talking to these two guys, but Carrie drags her away and ruins any chance of that, simply because that’s not what she wants to do. This bitch overrode the birthday girl because she didn’t really give a shit in the first place!
Simply put: she’s an extremely selfish person, which brings me to…
Exhibit B
She legitimately believes that she’s entitled to everything she desires. Obviously, I understand the concepts of getting what you want out of life and taking care of your own happiness. It’s all very admirable. However, she takes it to an extreme by acting as if the world exists to serve Carrie Bradshaw and operate for her convenience.
There were almost too many instances of this happening to recount, but here’s the short list of a few times that stood out to me after my first watch:
- When she needed money to pay for an apartment after a break-up (partially caused by her infidelity) and got angry with Charlotte for not straight-up offering her thousands of dollars.
- When Big needed to temporarily move to Paris for work and Carrie threw a hissy fit like a toddler, which led to their eventual breakup. Sure, Big had commitment issues and could be a dick but a) Carrie knew this about him from the start and tried to force the relationship to work because that’s what she wanted and b) in this particular situation, he brought up very valid concerns about not wanting her to uproot her whole life, without giving it much thought, just for him.
- When she is annoyed with her then-boyfriend, Aidan, for being suspicious of her private phone calls with Big after she had confessed to having an affair with the latter.
But the most egregious example of this was when Carrie spots Natasha, Big’s Ex-Wife whom he met in Paris, and attempts to apologize for having the aforementioned affair with Big. That, in and of itself, is fine. What’s not fine is that Carrie becomes bothered when Natasha doesn’t forgive her and refuses to pretend it’s all water under the bridge. Uh…no shit Carrie, you just destroyed the woman’s marriage, excuse her for not being your biggest fan. To make matters worse, as she’s walking away from the encounter, her biggest concern is that a beautiful woman like Natasha is now re-entering the dating pool and is her “competition” once again.
It’s borderline delusional that, for some reason, she expects everything to work out in her favor and there to never be any consequences for her shitty behavior.
Exhibit C
Speaking of shitty behavior — when it comes to romantic relationships, Carrie might be one of the worst girlfriends of all time.
Let’s get the obvious out of the way: as previously referenced, she cheated on Aidan with Big. A LOT. And only stopped once she got caught and reprimanded by Charlotte.
Even putting that gigantic black stain aside, she frequently displayed an array of behaviors throughout her relationships that, today, would be considered “toxic.”
Frequently, she would create problems out of nothing. Whether that was due to her own insecurities, irrational paranoias, or her inability to effectively communicate like a well-adjusted adult, Carrie was the queen of turning mole hills into mountains.
Like when she first starts dating Big and she develops this big conspiracy theory that he’s cheating on her, which causes their first tiff, all because he took her to the same restaurant they had gone to on an earlier date.
Or when things are going too well with Aidan, so she manufactures problems and distances herself from him by choosing to not meet his parents. She goes as far as to say they should start seeing each other less, then gets upset when he doesn’t call her for a couple of days.
This also highlights another one of her negative qualities: she’s a hypocrite. Carrie was constantly trying to fix guys and change them so that they could fit her ideal mold of what they should be. But whenever somebody threatened her personal identity, they could go fuck themselves. That was it.
So yeah…the selfishness that she displayed in her friendships? That was present in her relationships as well.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like she’s the most deplorable character in all of television. In SATC alone, there are plenty of other shitty characters — from the male love interests passing through in their arcs, to other central figures. Just look at Samantha: she’s extremely selfish and an all around morally questionable person (until the end of the show, when she overcomes these negative aspects of her personality). But she wears it on her sleeve, and is treated in a way that coincides with this representation. Carrie exhibits a lot of these same flaws, albeit in different ways, and nobody seems to notice — she’s still beloved by everyone she comes in contact with. She’s the kind of person that everybody should keep at a distance, not the kind that is an important pillar in so many people’s lives.
“But of course it’s this way! She’s the main protagonist!”
Nope, that’s not an excuse. The Sopranos is my favorite show of all time, and it’s quite obvious that Tony Soprano, the central anti-hero, is a total scumbag. All the other characters, as well as the audience, know this. And in the end, he get’s his comeuppance (yes, he dies), not the fairy tale ending that he wanted from the beginning, like Carrie got.
I understand that SATC came at time when strong female characters were much needed. However, let’s not conflate strength with selfishness. There’s no doubt that she’s admired for being a style icon and leading an interesting lifestyle — but so is Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Wears Prada, and she’s widely recognized as being awful.
So please, people, it’s time to wizen up to the truth: Carrie Bradshaw fucking sucks.
P.S. — she’s the worst Godmother ever. It should have been Charlotte.
