Do You Feel ‘Shut Off’ when Having Simple Conversations
Have you withdrawn involuntarily due to someone’s augmentative tone and language, while having a simple conversation?
Have you found your friend’s aggressiveness quite needless?
If yes, you are not alone.
We often come across confrontational tones for absolutely no reason, and this makes case for withdrawal, unless you are ‘as forceful’ or ‘more than’ the person talking.
Argumentative behavior can be just for the ‘heck of it’ - taking pleasure in causing a conflict. They can make you a target for broaching things and creating the ‘conflicting setting’.
So, the question is, how do you deal with such behavior?
Do you withdraw and step aside?
Do you leave the scene in a huff?
Do you just ‘grin and bear’ it?
Let’s understand that it can be impossible to have a near conflict-free conversation all the time. You do meet habitual conflict architects. This being the case, you also must understand where this behavior stems from.
It is found that most people who have the tendency to confront, don’t know they are doing so. They may be quite oblivious of their tone, style of speaking and basically why they are saying what they are saying. Most of the time, they do so in self-defense, trying to prove no ‘point in particular’. Then again, they begin to defend what they are saying until the people around may not want to have anything further to do with them.
The influence of such habitual conflict behavior on others is either not completely comprehended or just dismissed with feeling of ‘a stupid sense of victory’. They are on a power quest.
This can be exasperating for people around.
But let’s face it — all of us use self-protective mechanisms sometimes to protect our self-worth or to prove a point. There is nothing wrong with this. The issue arises when it forms into a pattern and when you prompt yourself to go on an ‘argumentative behavioral streak more than warranted’.
The wisest thing to do when you come face-to-face with argumentative people is:
· Remind yourself that they may be suffering from lack of self-worth, and it’s alright to let them speak their mind, as long as the conversation and language does not turn ugly.
· Perhaps seeking their views and perspectives can be avoided. This calls for unnecessary conversations, which can thereby lead to unpleasant disagreements. An option can be to ‘just tell’.
· If you’ve identified compulsive-argumentative friends, don’t ask for trouble with requests such as, ‘let’s talk about this’, ‘hope you don’t take offense, but….’, I want to say something, but don’t begin an argument’. They sure will, you have already triggered an adrenal rush and they have made up their minds to create a scene, unknowingly or otherwise.
· If you have the time and patience, you can be a mute listener, this can sometimes help them gradually unlearn. But try this only if you have the grit to stay uninvolved.
· If not, withdraw and keep your peace.
· Like Dale Carnegie said, ““You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”
On the lighter side, Therese Doucet once said, “Maybe I’m strange and perverse, but I’ve always thought there was something sexy about a compelling argument.”
So, make your choice.