Self-improvement/Spirituality
Meditations on Wunjo
Reminding myself to find joy daily
I have struggled with depression since I was at least 12. This partly came from a deep feeling of being different and having a hard time relating to my peers. I never knew how to have a normal conversation. I would default to the one thing that I knew I could do, making people laugh.
By the time I hit middle school, my inelegant attempts at being the “funny one” had devolved into constantly making fun of myself. It was the easiest way to get what I wanted. I was weird and pointing it out in a silly way at least got people to tolerate me. I set myself up to be the group punching bag and obviously, my opinion of myself suffered.
I would look at the other kids around me, who seemed to be able to make friends and be confident. I wondered why couldn’t I do that? Why couldn’t I just be NORMAL?
As time went on, I realized no one fit this narrow definition of NORMAL I had built up in my mind. Everyone had their own problems and weirdness, even those popular, seemingly put together kids. I started seeking out people that appreciated those parts of myself that I had made fun of.
The more I looked for people who were “my kind of weird”, the more I found out about myself, who I was and who I wanted to become. Eventually, I found neo-paganism and a group of friends that accepted and even celebrated my weird spirit. I found answers to why I felt things so intensely and learned how to channel and calm my crazy energy. I felt peace for the first time in my life.
Neo-paganism is a revival of old cultures and religions and it spoke to my love of history and nature. I became fascinated by these old religions and how they wove into the everyday lives of ancient peoples. Among these ideas that captured my interest so intensely were the Norse runes.
These runes were an alphabet used to record stories and helped form the foundations of familiar letters in English and other Germanic languages. They also have individual meanings that can be used as a focus for meditations and energy work.
I would doodle Kenaz, which looks like the < symbol and represents knowledge and inspiration on top of my study sheets and use it to refocus. I would draw Fehu, the wealth rune, to try to bring a little luck and keep my eye on the goal when I applied for jobs.
Recently I have been focusing on Wunjo, which looks a little like P and is a rune that means “Joy”.
Joy is hard to come by these days. Between the looming cloud of the pandemic and the hang-ups of daily life, it is easy to get bogged down. Life for me is really busy with a baby and a primary schooler in the house. I have found less and less time to stop and think, let alone be joyful. It would be very easy to give in to the depression that is always lurking behind the next setback.
Wunjo means joy, but it can also speak of harmony and contentment. These are the quiet aspects of joy, and the feelings I seek when life gets hectic. I decided to return to using these runic symbols as a focus to remind myself to let joy and harmony in when things get too much.
Now, I am very out of practice with meditation. Life has simply crowded out some of those old habits and frankly, I suck at meditating these days. Even if I find a quiet moment to focus my mind, I am quickly interrupted by someone needing a snack or asking me to turn on Minecraft.
Instead of spending 20 minutes deep in contemplation of harmony and contentment (gosh that would feel like a vacation!) I have taken to drawing the rune on my hand. Any time I catch sight of Wunjo on my finger, I am reminded to seek joy. I can stop for a minute and reset my attitude.
I can stop muttering about never having a moment to myself and make time for a cup of tea. I can stop struggling to convince my kiddo to do online schoolwork, give her a hug and take a break with her. I can let go of the frustration of an overtired baby who won’t nap and appreciate her tiny fingers and sweet little nose.
Each morning, when I refresh my little drawing, I take a few minutes to recall the feeling of joy. I remind myself that I don’t have to give in to the sadness that sometimes pulls me down. I don’t have to give in to anger and frustration when my day doesn’t go as planned.
Every day I have a dozen or so small meditations on joy. They might only be the space of a few deep breaths but allows me to recalibrate my thinking and focus on what really matters. With each reflection, I get a little closer to living the way I want to live.
