5 things I learned from applying to grad school a 2nd time
What I learned this application cycle
“What I learnt was that some things don’t change, and some do.”
Recently I had applied to grad school, but this wouldn’t be my first Master’s, it would actually be my second.
My first Master’s was at Canada’s arguably best faculty for the area that I had applied for, and this second time, it was again one of Canada’s best. Both times, it was the one and only program I had applied to. They were both small and niche programs, and they were both professional degrees. However, both experiences was vastly different. Here’s what was different the 2nd time around:
1. Not getting in is not going to be the end of the world
Unlike my first Master’s where I thought it would be the end of the world and my career is doomed if I did not get it, this second time around I felt way more calm. While my second Master’s is applicable to my career, the greatest motivator in applying is purely out of pure interest. I wanted to learn. I wanted to go back to school. This was going to be my hobby. I told myself it wasn’t going to be the end of the world if I didn’t get it, and this wasn’t a lie that I was trying to tell myself just to make myself feel better — it was the fact.
2. I was more confident
I entered my first Master’s straight from undergrad. When I had applied to my particular program, in the back of my mind I had always thought “what if I didn’t get in?”. I had the grades, I had relatable experience, I had projects that showed how much I knew and what I am capable of, and I had STELLAR references — I had alumni of the faculty writing my letters for me, I had a Tier 1 Canada Research Chair vouching how great I am, I knew I was ahead of my peers work/job/leadership experience-wise, and yet, I still thought “what if?”. I couldn’t stop thinking “What if the other applicants are just a little bit better, what if they just have a 1–2 years more experience, what if this, what if that”. I could not stop. This time, although I competing against people who are way above my years of experience (NB: this is an executive program, with people who are c-suite, execs, 10+ years of experience), I felt so confident. I told myself there’s no way I wouldn’t get in. I was a shoe in. And I was right.
3. I thought about Finance more
This second time, I had thought about finance more. My first time, I didn’t care how much tuition would be. I didn’t care how I would fund my living expenses. I told myself OSAP would have it covered and my parents will help. But this time, even though I knew I had enough money, I ran financial scenarios to see if I would be in financial trouble if “What ifs?” happened. Maybe it’s because I’m “adulting” now, maybe it’s because I started to invest, maybe it’s because older and wiser now, but I cared a lot more about finances this time.
4. ”Why?” came up a lot more
I asked myself “Why?” a lot more. I doubled, tripled, quadrupled checked why I wanted to pursue another degree. If I was really interested in this topic. If this was just a spur the moment kind of feeling, or if this was something that I want to devout my life into for the next 12 months. On a side note, people also liked to ask me why, as if, pursuing another graduate degree was the oddest thing in the world. Why I would want to do another Master’s. Why I would want to do it out of pure interest. How this will “add” to my career. If I wanted a career change. It was kind of odd to me that so many people associated school with careers and career change — what happened to just learning for the sake of learning? I just like learning, ok? I like school. There’s nothing odd about that — in fact, I’ve been taking data science courses in continuing studies for the past year!
As I went on writing and submitting my application, I was so amazed by how different the experiences are. But there was one thing that didn’t change both times. I still doubted myself. I said I was more confident — which was accurate —but I still couldn’t help doubt myself.
I had still asked, “what if my experiences aren’t good enough, what if they don’t find my statement compelling, what if I didn’t connect the dots well enough?”. I still had self-doubt. I still continued to search forums and boards to see what others were saying, I had to get my friends to tell me how great I was to boost my confidence, I still re-read my application 100x after I had submitted it, and I still continued to log into the application portal post-submission to check if my status had changed.
5. What I learnt was that some things don’t change, and some do.
And with the things that did, I think it’s because I’m older. I see things differently in life now, and I guess this is why they say “the older you are, the wiser you are”. Those few years in-between processes have given me a different perspectives in things that had caused my point-of-view and confidence to be much different.
