Week 1 Rewind
Harambes shows out, Jamaal Bout Dez Nuts lays a turd
Sweet Studs
Harambes (Marlo): 163.5
Hail Gabbert (Kurtis): 151.44
Purple People Eaters (Anton): 144.12
Milk Duds
Jamaal Bout Dez Nuts (Tani): 61.64
Handcuffs (Mikey): 74.5
Daddy Fat Sack (Josh): 90.54
Matchup Reviews
Harambes (Marlo): 163.50 vs Daddy Fat Sack (Josh): 90.54
Marlo came out Week 1 and made a statement to the rest of the league, scoring a whopping 163.5 points and absolutely dominating Josh, who scored 90.54. The 72.96 point margin of victory was somehow more points than the entire scoring output of Tani’s Jamaal Bout Dez Nuts, and was comfortably the largest margin of victory in Week 1. Harambes was led by Andrew Luck, whose 45 points led all players in scoring, and had two other players break the 20 point mark in CJ Anderson and Danny Woodhead. Meanwhile, Daddy Fat Sack didn’t have a single 20 point scorer, with DeMarco Murray leading the team at 19.20 points.
Hail Gabbert (Kurtis): 151.44 vs Purple People Eaters (Anton): 144.12
Kurtis pulled off the comeback in a high scoring affair between the second and third highest scoring teams of the week, jumping ahead Monday night to beat Anton 151.44 to 144.12. Hail Gabbert saved their best player for last, and DeAngelo Williams led the team with an electric 32.6 points on Monday Night Football. AJ Green wasn’t far behind, turning Revis Island into a paradise resort and scoring 28 points. On the opposing side, Spencer Ware tried his best to carry the team with 32.90 points, and the Purple People Eaters lived up to their namesake with the Minnesota DEF scoring a crushing 25 points of their own.
Cosby’s Sleepers (Bunger): 139.7 vs Lame-o No-name-o (Joe): 126.32
Bunger closed out a 139.7 to 126.32 victory over Joe in an exciting back-and-forth matchup in which the two teams traded leads at every time-of-day marker. Cosby’s Sleepers had four players score over 20 points, and they accounted for 70% of his scoring production: Roethlisberger, Cooks, Matthews, and Baldwin. Lame-o No-name-o was led by Drew Brees, who had the second highest score of the week with 39.92. Forte and David Johnson also dropped Tubman’s for the week, but it wasn’t enough for the victory.
No City Nobodys (Lando): 131.94 vs CephaloScorin (Kevin): 95.44
Lando overcame a sluggish start to claim a 131.94 to 95.44 victory against Kevin’s stagnant offense. No City Nobodys’ franchise QB Jameis Winston dropped the 3rd highest score with 33.54 points, and got a combined 52.7 points from Antonio Brown and Fitzgerald to carry a zero point effort from their last WR, Treadwell. Winston’s 2015 draft mate Mariota led the way for CephaloScorin with 21.24 points.
Seriously, Name Your Teams (Jeff): 124.18 vs Handcuffs (Mikey): 74.50
Jeff pulled away quickly and beat Mikey’s sputtering team with authority 124.18 to 74.50. The 49.68 point differential was the second highest margin of victory for the week. Seriously, Name Your Teams had a balanced attack with 7 out of 9 players scoring 10 or more points, and Eli Manning led the way with 23.28. Unfortunately for the Handcuffs, they had 6 out of 9 players score under 10 points, and Amari Cooper was one of their lone bright spots with 18.70.
2 Gurley’s 1 Cup (JR): 101.32 vs Jamaal Bout Dez Nuts (Tani): 61.64
JR teased Tani throughout the weekend, keeping it close before turning it on Monday night to win 101.32 to 61.64. JR’s team actually under performed their Yahoo-projected point total by 20 points, but it didn’t matter against Tani’s league-low offense. Carlos Hyde led 2 Gurley’s 1 Cup with 23.3 points, and had a solid 5 other players with over 10 points. Jamaal Bout Dez Nuts had the worst trio of starting WRs of the week, as they scored a pitiful 5.8 points combined, and Carson Palmer’s old back is aching after leading the team with 22.44 points.
Big Black Zeke (Jason): 93.76 vs He Went 2 Jared (Binh): 92.66
Jason squeaked out a nail-biter 93.76 to 92.66 win against Binh after Todd Gurley and Tavon Austin failed to deliver on Monday night, scoring only 7.7 of their 29.15 Yahoo-projected points. Big Black Zeke would have beaten only 3 other teams this week, but don’t tell that to Derek Carr, who led the team with 24.86 points. He Went 2 Jared also had a QB lead the way with Aaron Rodgers scoring 28.06 points. Unfortunately, Binh’s dynamic RB duo of Peterson and Gurley combined for the lowest starting RB total of the week with only 9.3 points.
