‘Say The Thing’ to Revitalize Your Relationship

Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.
The Dad Vault
Published in
5 min readMay 24, 2020

--

Explicitly uncomfortable is better than implicitly vague.

Image by cottonbro/Pexels
Image by cottonbro/Pexels

We communicate in ways that are multi-faceted, complex, politically correct, and often intended to conform to an “offense free” society. This might work well when engaging in philosophical, political, or academic discourses, but when it comes to intimate relationships, such ambiguity can be a disaster. During Coronavirus lockdown, ambiguous communication is even more problematic because of already high levels of anxiety, frustration, and fear.

What is ambiguous communication?

Communication that is multi-dimensional and overly-complex often functions as a smokescreen and defense mechanism in intimate situations. Simple or one-dimensional communication is clear enough that a 6-year-old can understand it.

Double messaging creates a smokescreen for text and subtext /intent that are not the same. The best example of such double messaging is cynicism. Some other vague smokescreen expressions are: I don’t really know; it’s interesting; it’s complicated; I’ll get back to you; what do you think? I can’t define it in words; and it’s all kind of things.

Why do we communicate obscurely?

--

--

Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.
The Dad Vault

Couple and family therapist. International trainer and speaker. Improviser and multi-potentialite. www.potentialstate.com