On Being a full time Dad and a CEO

What the hell am I doing?

I’m trying something that not many of my contemporaries are - being both a full time dad and CEO of a small company. It’s not very Steve Jobs or Sheryl Sandberg of me.

I've seen progressive friends, feminist thought leaders and sworn anti-establishment hippies all choose traditional roles once the baby comes along. The man goes to work and the woman stays home with the kid(s). I get it. The old reasons all stand - guys can make more money, kids are expensive, childcare is expensive…but honestly those all sound like excuses to me. Reasons to not try a different way. I’m not even sure this is a better way, it’s just something that I feel is important to try.

I want to raise my son. Not just agree with rules and ideas that my wife creates during her time in the trenches with him. It’s not just a desire, or a wish or a fantasy during a boring conference call for me. It’s a compulsion. I need to know what it’s like being there as a dad. I’m probably sacrificing things for this compulsion — I could certainly make more money with a full time job for someone else, or if I had 50 hours to spend on my company. But I wonder, is that really it? Is money or the lack of it the sole reason that more guys aren't staying at home with their kids? Or is it the myriad changes that happen when men become primary caretakers?

It changes that way that kids see men — we’re going to get a generation of young people who are raised by their fathers. The playdates look the same, just a bunch of guys standing around talking politics, sports, work, chores.

It changes the way that guys see each other — as caretakers, someone to help with the kids, to rely on when you realize that you forgot the diapers at home. To grab you a coffee on the way to the playground.

It changes the potential for women — having a baby doesn't turn your dreams and career into a way to pay for daycare. My wife points out vehemently “Why isn't is ever the guys salary that ‘pays for daycare?’ in this equation?”

So let’s be part of this experiment and see what happens. I’d love to hear from other dads out there.