A woman’s goodbye and good riddance letter to her husband
Dear hubby
I hope you read this after you go down on Lisa Chubby
There’s a moment in a woman’s life when she’s had enough
Tired of her man, hands in skants, sitting like an emperor in the buff
You tell people you wear the pants, but I know it’s all a bluff
I asked you to at least do the laundry
But you’d find an excuse to go and screw Audrey. How tawdry?
Once, you cleaned the dishes like a fat sad slob
Hoping, in return, I’d give you a blowjob
I go to work, clean the house and I cook
But you always complain I don’t ever give you koek
The kids run around in their underwear
Eating Smarties off the floor, you can’t care
I’ll have to take them with me. Yes, they come from your nuts
But I can’t stand the thought they’d be Instagram sluts
You say I’m too old to find another man
But I don’t need one to make me feel grand
I faint when you fart and fume when you snore
I’d like to see how Kim fairs lying next to you, that dirty little whore
For sixteen years you’ve been nothing but a pest
So I bid you farewell, I’m off to Budapest
You’ll find attached inside
Divorce papers and a vial of cyanide
Take your pick
You little prick
For you, death would be more opportune
Than parting with half of your fortune