Gems between an Indian mother and her Indian daughter

Shamin Chibba
Sep 6, 2018 · 2 min read
(Image: Sailesh Gopalan)

When daughter was 15

Daughter: Did you just fart?

Mother: No, I think the dog growled.

Daughter: [Sniffs] It doesn’t smell like a growl.

When daughter was age 17

Mother: [While knitting] What do you plan on studying in college?

Daughter: I’m thinking of taking a gap year, get drunk every Friday and hang off boys’shoulders, maybe even increase my promiscuity level.

When daughter was age 20

Mother: [While baking] Why don’t you help your brother run the shop?

Daughter: I’d rather watch myself get a Colombian necktie in the mirror.

Mother: If I were you, I’d do anything to make money.

Daughter: Whoring is a viable trade but I don’t see you jumping at it.

When daughter was age 23

Mother: Oh no! Why did you choose to study fine arts? You could have chosen to be a doctor or an accountant.

Daughter: Because I would like to bring some beauty into this glum world.

Mother: I thought I was going to bring some beauty to this world, too. Then I had you and lost all hope.

When daughter was 29 years, 8 months and 11 days old

[They are both watching a soapie on TV]

Mother: Why can’t you find a nice boy?

Daughter: Because I’m not into men.

Mother: Oh please, that’s just a childish phase. Get over it already.

Daughter: So when are you going to get over your “phase” with Uncle Sanjay?

When daughter was 29 years, 8 months and 12 days old

Mother: I can get you married tomorrow. I just need to make one phone call and the man of your dreams will be at the door by tonight.

Daughter: I can get you shipped out to a retirement home tomorrow. Just one phone call and the man of my dreams will be able to cart you off in a wheelchair. You wouldn’t even need to walk.

When daughter was age 34

Mother: Are you even thinking of having children?

Daughter: I have never had the urge.

Mother: Why not? Children are a mother’s wealth.

Daughter: You haven’t sold me yet.

Mother: I couldn’t get a cent for you even if I discounted you at a charity store.

When daughter was age 37

Daughter: [Speaking to a baker] I would like to order one of those clichéd penis-shaped cakes.

Mother: What for, sweetie? I thought you weren’t into men.

Daughter: It’s not for me, it’s for dad’s, um, office party.

Mother: But dad is married to me. He isn’t into men.

Daughter: [Enter shit-eating grin].

The Daily Ablutions

News for a jaded nation

Shamin Chibba

Written by

More than thirteen years in this writing game and still eats beans on toast for breakfast. Based in Johannesburg, South Africa.

The Daily Ablutions

News for a jaded nation

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