Gems between an Indian mother and her Indian daughter
When daughter was 15
Daughter: Did you just fart?
Mother: No, I think the dog growled.
Daughter: [Sniffs] It doesn’t smell like a growl.
When daughter was age 17
Mother: [While knitting] What do you plan on studying in college?
Daughter: I’m thinking of taking a gap year, get drunk every Friday and hang off boys’shoulders, maybe even increase my promiscuity level.
When daughter was age 20
Mother: [While baking] Why don’t you help your brother run the shop?
Daughter: I’d rather watch myself get a Colombian necktie in the mirror.
Mother: If I were you, I’d do anything to make money.
Daughter: Whoring is a viable trade but I don’t see you jumping at it.
When daughter was age 23
Mother: Oh no! Why did you choose to study fine arts? You could have chosen to be a doctor or an accountant.
Daughter: Because I would like to bring some beauty into this glum world.
Mother: I thought I was going to bring some beauty to this world, too. Then I had you and lost all hope.
When daughter was 29 years, 8 months and 11 days old
[They are both watching a soapie on TV]
Mother: Why can’t you find a nice boy?
Daughter: Because I’m not into men.
Mother: Oh please, that’s just a childish phase. Get over it already.
Daughter: So when are you going to get over your “phase” with Uncle Sanjay?
When daughter was 29 years, 8 months and 12 days old
Mother: I can get you married tomorrow. I just need to make one phone call and the man of your dreams will be at the door by tonight.
Daughter: I can get you shipped out to a retirement home tomorrow. Just one phone call and the man of my dreams will be able to cart you off in a wheelchair. You wouldn’t even need to walk.
When daughter was age 34
Mother: Are you even thinking of having children?
Daughter: I have never had the urge.
Mother: Why not? Children are a mother’s wealth.
Daughter: You haven’t sold me yet.
Mother: I couldn’t get a cent for you even if I discounted you at a charity store.
When daughter was age 37
Daughter: [Speaking to a baker] I would like to order one of those clichéd penis-shaped cakes.
Mother: What for, sweetie? I thought you weren’t into men.
Daughter: It’s not for me, it’s for dad’s, um, office party.
Mother: But dad is married to me. He isn’t into men.
Daughter: [Enter shit-eating grin].
