Stay Lazy, Never Change.

Is there anything more enjoyable than being lazy? Sure, you can think of millions of things you enjoy doing, but are any of them better than just sitting on the couch in sweatpants while doing absolutely nothing? Are any of them better than completely ignoring your responsibilities? I’ll answer that for you. No. No they are not.

Every day I wake up with a list of things I want to accomplish that day. Most revolve around writing and working out, and every so often I’ll sprinkle in a social activity. I get extremely hype when I make this list, tell myself that nothing is going to stop me from knocking it out, yet when it comes to actually do those things, I search for any and every excuse not to. Because that’s what life’s all about: knowing what you want to accomplish, but never doing anything about it. But there comes a point in everyone’s life where you realize that being lazy is just a game of You vs You where neither side wins. I’ve reached that point. Some people haven’t. And I love those people because trust me, trying new things and self-improvement are equally trash. So if you ever feel the poison of motivation, here are three of my favorite ways to stay lazy:

1. Pretend tomorrow exists

“Tomorrow doesn’t exist” is one of my favorite ways to motivate myself. It’s simple, but for me, it’s very effective. Because there’s no guarantee that you won’t walk outside and get hit by a bus so it’s best to make the most of the time you have right now. However, the probability of you suddenly dying in a freak accident remains very low. So with the numbers in your favor, you might as well wait until tomorrow to do whatever you could today. I mean, you just survived an extremely hypothetical death. That shit’s exhausting.

2. It’s not even Monday

Everybody knows that you can’t just start a new goal in the middle of the week. Yes, I know that each day is the same 24 hours so when I start is irrelevant, but Monday’s the best day to lie to yourself so you should wait until then. Perfect example: I like to eat like a scumbag every weekend. And every weekend I tell myself that this is the last weekend before I get my shit together. Then Monday comes and I’m like “GAMEDAY, LET’S WHIP UP A KALE SMOOTHIE ON THESE HOES.” However, by Tuesday I’m balls deep into a #3 from Braum’s, no onions. But I do feel bad? Nope. Why? Because another Monday is on the way.

3. Compare myself to others

Every time I open Instagram, I see one of my follows traveling the world or doing some cool shit. It motivates me to do the same. But flip the coin and every time I open Facebook, I see someone from high school that’s pregnant or down in out. That’s the sweet spot. That’s where you want to stay. Those are the type of people you want to compare yourself to. You know that being motivated might actually force you into action, but knowing you’re stuntin’ on life in comparison to the likes of Andrea PocketsFatAssFatter Mason will keep you in that comfortable space of “Eh, it could always be worse.” Stay there.

I could go on and on with my multiple methods, but the point is: being lazy eventually gets trash; but until that point, do as much nothing as you possibly can. Because once you take a step forward, you may never go back. And that’s a scary place to be.