The Sound of One Hand Clapping
I have discovered the answer… wait… shit. I guess I didn’t.
25 claps from 26 people for “Extra! Extra! The ‘Daily H’ Gets Censored!”
So how do you get 25 claps from 26 people clapping?
Sounds like a Zen riddle to me.
Is it two people trying to discover the sound of one hand clapping, but standing too close to each other?
Is it one hand clapping against a face? (I’m Rick James, bitch!)
In my burning desire to discover an answer, I climbed high into the mountains of Tibet. I had attempted to inquire of the Dalai Lama, but a big-ass bald dude dressed in a festive plus-size sarong standing outside his door, told me ‘Dalai G busy, fool!’
Fuck that guy.
[I’m kidding. I’m totally down with DL on the DL, just… ah… not enough to get invited in, apparently.]
So I went in search of some lamas that weren’t famous yet. I heard tell of wild mountain lamas roaming about. Sounds like my kind of dudes.
The author was never seen or heard from again.
Just kidding. It turns out lamas and llamas are quite different creatures. I spent a year waiting for one of the hairy beasts to finally break his silence and lay some wisdom on me. His name was Chokey, which I found hilarious, as he masturbated quite often and wasn’t shy about it.
I followed him through the untamed mountain ways, dipping down below the treeline and back up again. I trusted his path was guided by a great knowledge and oneness with the universe… even though he kept wanting to cuddle with me, claiming it was because of the cold. I wasn’t so much revolted by that as I was by the fact that he hadn’t washed his hands in at least a year. I wasn’t sure where he wiped all that goo, but if I were to wake up with a crusty bit of semen dangling from his hair or clothes and, god forbid, brushing my face, I knew I’d be tempted to find a cliff and Jean Claude Van Damme his ass over it.
He eventually admitted he was lost. That was the wisdom I’d waited a year for.
Oh, and he wasn’t a Lama, either, just a fan of mountain llamas. He had followed them a bit too far from his home.
Yeah, fuck that guy. I kicked him off a cliff.
and then danced with his sisters.
So, the best bit of wisdom I have to offer —
Duly noted.
Okay… the second best bit of wisdom I have to offer is — Following someone else around hoping they’ll find your wisdom is often the best way to miss it completely.
That said, however, I still have no idea how you get 25 claps from 26 people clapping. Screw it. I’m going to go put on my stretchy pants.
It’s for fun.
