Aug. 25, 2016 — Bucket o’ Pence Edition

Mike Pence sat in the airport eating KFC. His flight was delayed. He had tried contacting United Airlines to see about a different itinerary, but gave up after being put on hold for 25 minutes.

He sighed.

Taking out his phone, Pence snapped a quick photo of his meal and texted it to Trump — listed as “The Big Don” in his contacts.

“Check it out, having some KFC like you, Don,” he wrote. “Shall I put it on Instagram?” He felt a brief surge of hope and energy, but it didn’t last long. No response, as usual.

Pence’s head shrunk lower.

All of a sudden, his eyes flashed to the airport TV monitor mounted above the counter. A photograph Markieff sat smiling above the CNN chyron — which read, “Trump: Dead Set on Dead Voters” — as Jake Tapper eagerly recounted new rumors that the Trump campaign was in talks with the RNC about new field offices located near cemeteries in battleground states.

Pence perked up. He had an idea.

What if I, Mike Pence, made the campaign’s first contact with the dead, he thought. Trump would have to respect me.

It didn’t matter to Pence that just at that moment Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway was on CNN vehemently denying what she called “false rumors” about the campaign’s strategy to appeal to the dead.

Pence stood up, nearly knocking over his half-finished bucket of fried chicken, which had congealed into a greasy carcass pit — now resembling Pence’s own abandoned heart.

With resolve, he walked into the concourse to face the new destiny bubbling in his brain. It was just a question of where. And when.

And how.


The Daily Markieff is published most days and chronicles the daily happenings of our hero Markieff as he navigates the world and its idiosyncrasies — ugly, beautiful, newsworthy and everything in between. You can read previous editions of The Daily Markieff on Medium.


If you were forwarded this email, click here to subscribe and receive The Daily Markieff in your inbox. Or follow The Daily Markieff on Medium and on Twitter.

Refer-a-Friend Program

Refer a friend to The Daily Markieff and get a shoutout in a future edition! Use the subscription link — and make sure your friend mentions your name.

Contact the Editors

To submit a letter to the Editors, email with “Letter” in the subject line. No submissions longer than 150 words will be accepted. Publication of and responses to submitted letters is at the sole discretion of the Editors. Letters selected for publication will most often run in a future “Mailbag Edition” of The Daily Markieff.

Like what you read? Give Adam Fetcher a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.