The Daily Markieff — Aug. 17, 2016 — Dog Days Edition

Markieff exited Trump Tower to meet a rush of hot air even more forceful than what he had experienced inside. He was surprised to see an enormous crush of reporters forming a sludge of teeming motion on the street corner in front of him.

“Mr. Morris! Have you been hired by Trump!?” one cried.

“Markieff! Can you promise the dead an another shot at life?” bellowed another. “And a good-paying job!?”

Markieff paused, thinking. Really, it was the first time since his post-death discovery in Washington, D.C., a few days earlier that Markieff allowed his brain to churn fruitfully.

Perhaps it was the sudden awakening force of a thousand strands of thinning orange hair rushing Markieff’s nostrils just a few minutes earlier that caused the epiphany. Or perhaps it was just dumb luck, which accounted for everything in Markieff’s life, according to an interview Markieff’s brother Mook had given CBS News a day earlier.

(The interview had grown contentious about a third of the way through when John Dickerson of CBS oddly suggested that Mook was in fact Markieff in disguise — a thin disguise, of course, as the two men were identical twins. In response to Dickerson’s assertion, Mook tried to leave the set, but Dickerson then shouted, “I’m the host! I’m the host! Face me, nation!” Mook sat down, bewildered, and the interview continued on a normal trajectory. Politico went wild.)

Anyway, regardless of what caused Markieff’s sudden revelation, right at that moment it was clear as day. The stubborn Mr. Trump had rejected the opportunity to tap into a golden pot the world believed Markieff represented: a nearly unending cauldron of dead voters ready and willing to be persuaded on behalf of one candidate or another come November (assuming a few small barriers could be removed, likely by lawyer-types).

“I don’t want to pivot,” said Trump to Markieff after forcing his guest to watch two hours of CNN coverage largely centered on himself. “I am who I am. It’s me. I don’t want to change.” Trump added that Mike Pence’s entreaty to Markieff had not been authorized.

But although Trump declined to pander to the dead, the media headlines told a different story — one of a well-formed, absolutely concrete Trump strategy to foster electoral support from dead people by throwing campaign promises in their direction. In the minds of those esteemed few who set the agenda of other, less-engaged minds — many, many disengaged minds — across the country, Trump’s own orange mind was set. The “Graveyard Shift,” as the Washington Post had brilliantly coined it, was underway at 725 5th Avenue.

Having realized this important discrepancy, and now grasping the rare unfortunate position Trump held in this media equation, Markieff steeled himself for the cameras and stepped forward confidently.

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The Daily Markieff is published Monday-Thursday and chronicles the daily happenings of our hero Markieff as he navigates the world and its idiosyncrasies — ugly, beautiful, newsworthy and everything in between. You can read previous editions of The Daily Markieff on Medium.

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