Russkian leader Vladimir Borisutin today declared his country would be researching alternative alternative alternative (AAA) energy sources after Russkian scientists found a direct link between wind farms and damage to their major export crop: Russkian worms.
Russkian worms rival truffles in rarity and price and are used in in high-priced restaurant dishes worldwide. Borisutin explained that vibrations from wind farms seemed to help the local industry find more worms, but then the birds realized and they’ve decimated crops across the country.
He said there would be a two-pronged approach to saving the local worm industry. First, the birds would be shot as enemies of the Russkian Federation. Second, wind farms would be dismantled and alternate sources of energy would be found and implemented.
I’m prepared to entertain any potential source of energy, including Oztralian Coal, despite the high carbon footprint of importing from such a remote human outpost. Seriously, it’d be quicker importing from the moon.
He went on to say that Russkian energy firms were already exploring the recently expanding seas around the arctic, and there were plans afoot to put massive blankets across rapidly thawing permafrost to capture methane.