Feel Like Yelling at a Stranger on the Internet?
Here are other things you can do instead.
A month ago, I posted an article that upset a lot of people on the internet. It was about things you could do to help fight climate change. Yes I know. SHOCKING.
In 2019, if you haven’t been yelled at by a stranger online, do you even exist? So at least now I know I exist, because weeks later, I’m STILL getting notifications about new abuse being hurled at me by men I don’t know.
Yes, they’re all men, don’t @ me with your “feminazi” nonsense (I get plenty of that already)— if you don’t believe me, just take a look at the comments section.
Oh I know you’re angry, Ben Lee (not the singer). People trying to stop humanity from facing utter destruction really just get your goat. But when the thought of writing “Not another planet saver” strikes you — here’s an idea: how about you make yourself a nice cup of tea instead?
And for you, Charlie, who called me a “fucker with her head up her arse”, maybe you could walk the dog… or finally get round to sewing a button back on that coat, the one you’ve been putting off for ages.
To John, who took the time to read the entire article so you could quote it back at me with “what a dickhead”. Imagine if you collected all the time you devoted to telling strangers how stupid their ideas are and invested it into learning the oboe. You’d be an absolute master by now.
And Robert, no I’m not on welfare waiting for the world to discover how wonderful I am, but I thank you for your concerns about my financial stability and deeply appreciate the implication that I am indeed wonderful. But it might be more useful to channel that into knitting a jumper — it’s a long project and could take you months, so best get started as soon as possible.
To Jordan, who appears to agree with my article but attacked me anyway for not including EVERYTHING one could possibly do to try and make the world a better place. I applaud you for wanting me to be the vegetarian I already am — but imagine if you conserved that energy and spent it on teaching yourself some card tricks or origami? You’d really impress your little nephew the next time he came around.
Finally, there’s Les and Marcus and Phillip and Peter and all the others who have given up on trying to get a response from me — and have now been trading insults with each other for FOUR WEEKS in the comments section, which looks something like this:
“Go play in traffic.”
“Why don’t you have HYPOCRITE tattooed across your forehead in 2 inch high letters.”
“Why don’t you go and stick your head up a dead bears arse and suffocate yourself and do the planet a huge favor. (Poor bear).”
I mean. Seriously. You’re grown-ass men. At least three of you are senior citizens. What in the actual heck are you doing with your lives?
So, angry men of the internet, next time you’re scrolling through your Facebook and you see something that makes you feel personally attacked — whether it’s calling out racism, a woman talking, or some radical lefty loser on welfare trying to save the planet, here’s what you can do.
Literally ANYTHING ELSE.
That’s it. Just do something else.
I promise it will be a more constructive use of your time. No one ever changed their mind because a stranger on the internet yelled at them.
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