Daily Spleen — May 12, 2021
Pissing me off this Woden’s Day:
Short one today, folks. Been busy getting the place ready for the aforementioned guests coming tomorrow. However, it is still my solemnly sworn duty to deliver the shit-show, so without further ado…
1. People foisting their religious views on everyone else
There’s a touring exhibition of statues coming through town, and all of the figures are — gasp — NUDE! That’s right folks, those statues all have genitals, just like THE ENTIRETY OF THE HUMAN RACE! And holy shitballs, the bullshit coming out of the right wing Christians is goddamned frightening. “I’m keeping myself pure for marriage and that includes my [fucking] EYES!” That’s a nearly direct, although colorfully modified, quote from some body-shaming Christian jackass printed in the local paper. The same jackass goes on to say they we should all repent and be saved, lest we go to hell for looking at depictions of genitals that some of us literally have attached to our bodies and see every goddamn day. Also, for the record, these statues are “artistic” nudes, in that the figures are indeed nude but the nudity isn’t the point of the artwork. I didn’t realize a bronze dick would throw the girls into such a fucking tizzy! That gives me an idea…
2. Ford has patented a way to scan billboards and present ads in your car based on them
And in the “who the fuck asked for this” department, apparently Ford has patented a system whereby you car could scan billboards as you drive by, and present a related ad to you inside the car. Who the fuck on Loki’s green earth would fucking want this? Most Americans treat their car as an extension of their home. Would anyone want their fucking house to spontaneously start showing ads on the living room wall? At best this is a driver distraction, at worst a complete corporate intrusion into a private space. This would be an unconscionable inclusion in any automobile, and Ford should consider filing that patent in the basement as far away from any marketing personnel as possible. If this ever sees the light of day in a Ford or any other automaker’s cars I for one will no longer be buying from that manufacturer. I have enough fucking ads in my life, I don’t need more.
3. People panic buying things we are running out of…this time, gasoline
Remember the cyberattack on Colonial Pipeline I mentioned on Monday? Despite the fact that the pipeline should be back in operation in a few days, fuckheads are now “panic buying” gasoline. Instead of just staying the course and be a little bit patient, these dumbasses are now making a currently scarce resource even more scarce, for no good fucking reason. My guess is it’s the same assholes who bought up all the fucking toilet paper at the beginning of the pandemic, because apparently any change to the status quo, even a temporary one, means we should all go into full blown crisis mode. Seriously people, get a fucking grip. Turns out, we do in fact live in a society (no meme intended) and there are plenty of people trying their damnedest to fix the situation as quickly as possible, partly for the benefit of society and mostly because there’s money being lost for every day the pipeline is down. I never wanted to believe it when Agent K from Men in Black said “people are dumb panicky animals, and you know it,” but apparently he’s right. Booking my one-way trip to Mars now.
