Daily Spleen — May 3, 2021
Pissing me off this Day of the Moon:
Looks like someone’s got a case of the “Mondays!” Well, it’s fucking Monday, which means most of the free world is safely back at work, ensconced in their wage slave jobs, not making trouble for the authorities. Ah the joys of progress…ahem, excuse me, indoctrination. Anyway, everyone be good little doobies today and you’ll all get gold stars and ice cream! Right after the shit-show.
1. Snow White Ride Isn’t Woke Enough
I hope you’re awake, because we’re starting off with a nuanced one this morning…apparently the newly refurbished Snow White ride at Disneyland includes the scene where the Prince kisses Snow White while she is asleep (dead?) from the Wicked Witch’s poison apple when it is literally impossible for her to give consent. I haven’t seen a lot of news coverage on this, so I think it might be a case of the tail wagging the dog, but still, this falls under the Lebowski principle, “you’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole.” Yes, there are definitely consent issues around that scene. Yes, you should definitely talk to your kids about consent. However, it’s a classic scene from a classic movie, adapted from a story originally written in the 1800s. Of course it’s not going to fit in with our current social mores, and jumping on Disney for including the scene is fucking stupid. As fraught with issues as it is, the scene is key to the story. If they removed it, it would be missing, and people would be pissed about it. If they changed it in some way, people would be pissed about the change. Doing what they did and keeping it the same stirs up these issues. They’re fucked any way they go, so they picked a direction and went with it. Changing historical fiction to suit current mores is a great way to forget the lessons of the past and why we ended up where we are.
2. Climate Change Deniers
Here’s a quick one. Climate change is real, you dumb fucks. “Global warming” doesn’t mean it won’t snow in the winter. It means the fucking weather, which was always out to kill us, will get even MORE EXTREME, and try even harder to murderize all of humanity. Also, the weather will now be #sponsored #content by Monster Energy. It sucks, but I don’t make the fucking rules.
3. There’s a motherfucking Borderlands movie coming
When is Hollywood going to learn? Video game movies rarely, if ever, turn out any good. They basically always lose money and piss off the fans. Blah blah blah definition of insanity blah blah blah. There isn’t much more to say here other then wondering when someone other than Christopher Nolan will be allowed to write interesting movies that aren’t based on a pre-existing intellectual property? I mean, yeah, they’re not always winners, but at least he has the FUCKING BALLS to try something new and take the risk that it might not turn out perfect. Grow a fucking pair, Hollywood.
4. Exceedingly Long Copyright Bullshit
I was nice to Disney a little further up the page, but they are to blame for this bullshit, so fuck them. Apparently Nirvana (yes, that Nirvana) is being sued for using an illustration from a translation of Dante’s Inferno originally published in 1949 on their merch, and the family of the illustrator is suing them. Christ on a crutch it’s been 72 FUCKING YEARS! We need to fix our broken copyright system, and soon. Copyright extensions are a fucking nightmare, and were never in the public’s best interest. Simple solution? Copyright should die with the author. Yeah yeah, I’m sure that’s naïve (it is the simple solution, after all), but it would be a good place to start. Fucking greedy-ass mouse.
5. “X is destroying Y!”
OK look, just because someone on a platform is making content you don’t personally approve of doesn’t mean they’re fucking up the platform. They’re using it as intended, and you’re just being a gatekeeping asshole. “But,” I hear you cry, “hot tub streams are destroying Twitch!” Are they, though? Are they actively preventing you from watching the streams you want to watch? Or does it just sometimes pop up in your feed and you have to, I don’t know, FUCKING IGNORE THEM. Seriously, if someone is making something and someone else wants to watch it, it’s not a FUCKING AFFRONT to you, ok? Just go watch the thing you like, and let other people like things. Dumb fucks.
