Daily Spleen — May 8, 2021
Pissing me off this Saturn’s Day:
Off to a slow start this Saturday. It’s beautiful outside, sunny but not too hot, a nice breeze. People are fishing, and the birds are having a great time out there. Too bad I’m stuck inside writing this slop. I do this for you, people! I do it for you. On with the shit-show!
1. Software that doesn’t let you fucking delete your project
Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Guess what, not everything we make in your program is the fucking Mona Lisa! Sometimes we need to test shit out and see how it works, and I guaran-damn-tee you I don’t need to fucking refer back to the first test project I ever made to figure out how the fucking font tools work. It’s fucking 2021, and you keep making software that doesn’t even have one of the most basic functions of software. I get that you’re trying to save me from myself, but a goddamn “do you really want to delete this project forever and ever and ever?” dialogue box would be fine. Or, implement a trash can! I hit delete, it goes into the trash where I can then either rescue it or actually for real this time delete it. This is seriously not rocket science.
2. The Happy Meal Pokémon bullshit
Hey, assholes buying 52 happy meals for all their “kids”: you’re the reason we can’t have nice things, you fucking pricks. Seriously, these are fucking toys aimed at 8 year-olds. There’s plenty of collectible Pokémon shit aimed at adults…go FUCKING buy some of that! Stop buying up every goddamned Happy Meal in the tri-state area and let some kids get a fun toy, you selfish jerks. Give them the bright spot in their lives that you apparently never had and are trying to make up for as a sad adult buying fucking Happy Meals, you greedy fucks.
3. The Truth about Headlines that begin with “The Truth About…”
Stop with the fucking clickbait. YouTubers, journalists, everyone. Just fucking stop. It’s not that hard to give something a title that actually says something meaningful about the subject of the article or video. It’s possible (I haven’t done the research) that these headlines get more random clicks, since people have NO FUCKING INFORMATION to go on, but for fuck’s sake, a headline should tell you in a few words what the article is about. It’s about integrity and ethics, here folks. Not clicks. You want clicks without clickbait headlines? Learn to write a decent fucking article. In short, fuck clickbait, and fuck you. (Inspired by an actual CNN headline)
4. While we’re on the topic, “fluff”, quiz, and list articles
Since we’re already in the neighborhood, let’s talk about this absolute pig shit masquerading as “journalism.” I’ll keep this fairly short. If you’re writing an article and it’s headline is similar to “Which x are you?,” kill yourself. If you’re writing an article about 2 celebrities’ Twitter beef, and have written 2,000 words before getting to the most recent thing that happened, kill yourself. If you’re writing an article about the “Top 10 x for 2021”, you can seriously write something better, like maybe “The 2021 x Roundup,” which doesn’t imply you endorse anything on the list. However, if you use the same headline and append “…number 7 will SHOCK you!,” kill yourself.
The sturm and drang from white people when people of color are cast in traditionally white rolls
Superman is apparently going to be black in the next incarnation, and I’m fucking fine with that. This stupid, racist bullshit about recasting traditionally white characters as characters of color has to fucking stop. It just proves how racist we apparently still are as a culture. Seriously. These are fucking FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! There are always different interpretations of fiction. That’s what makes fiction so much fun. Also, and this should really not need to be said, but here we are, there are amazing people of all colors, creeds, sexual orientations, gender expressions, and any other stupid and artificial distinction you can make about people. We’re all still fucking human, folks. It’s all the SAME FUCKING DNA, just with different genetic expression. I was always told we valued diversity in America. That it was an amazing melting pot composed of people from all corners of the globe that is greater than the sum of it’s parts. Not a melting pot just for the privileged few. You bigoted, white, racist, honky fucks.
