Daily Spleen — May 9, 2021

Pissing me off this Day of the Sun:

Can we finally stop talking about the Elon Musk / SNL thing now that it’s finally happened? It was either good or it was bad. I don’t know which, and I don’t fucking care, I just want the bullshit surrounding it to stop. I swear to god he could take a shit in a McDonalds bathroom and it would make the goddamned news. Ugh, enough with the cult of Elon already. Also, call your mom, it’s Mother’s Day. But that doesn’t stop the shit-show!

1. Fucking Nature Sounds in my “Smart” Devices

Used to be, I could say “hey Google, set a timer for 2 minutes” and it would just say “got it! A timer for 2 minutes, starting now.” And when that timer went off, it would just beep, like a good little timer should. Starting apparently yesterday, when I set a timer on my Google assistant, it now makes FUCKING BIRD SOUNDS. Now, when the timer finishes, my kitchen turns into a fucking forest scene from a Disney movie. There’s fucking HARPS AND BIRDS! Great Apollo who asked for this fucking shit? I just need a fucking timer. I don’t need you to try and make me feel good about it, or have some insight into the timers happy little fucking soul about how joyful it is to serve me. Just FUCKING BEEP and tell me my dinner is done. Good fucking Cygnus stop gilding the lily with this shit.

2. Quickies, or Embracing the lack of news today

Not gonna phone it in folks. Nothing particularly noteworthy pissing me off today, other than the goddamn Google assistant. Here are a few quickies that I aren’t big enough (or are too big) for the spleen treatment:

• My inability to create lately — Super frustrating. I have a hard time creating when things are going well because I use creativity as a coping mechanism.
• The general right-wing cult thing going on — I’ve never seen so much goddamn sturm and drang over a President who lost an election. Good gravy GOP, have you all literally been reduced to Trump’s stupid little cronies, unable or unwilling to think on your own and find your own path? You can’t just keep looking behind you, guys. As some famous hockey guy used to say, skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it was.
• Our inability to have a rational, nuanced position on nuclear energy — This is a huge topic, but it definitely pisses me off that the cleanest and most efficient way to satisfy our ever-increasing energy needs is also the most hated and feared type of power generation. Is it dangerous? Yeah, but so is traditional power generation. Does it produce waste? Yeah, but it’s actually easier to manage since this waste doesn’t end up as gas in the atmosphere, just barrels that need to be stored securely. Can things go horrible wrong? Sure, but really smart people have been working on those problems for decades, and generally nuclear reactors are safer than coal or gas power plants. But Chernobyl? Bad design compounded by terrible management. I could go on, but you get the picture. It’s not as terrible as you think it is.