When Do Friends Need…The Cut Off

When you listen to J. Cole’s “The Cut Off”, does it make you think about friends in your life?

Time will tell who is on my side
(Time will tell just who is on my side)
I mean well but I can’t stop my pride
(I mean well but I can’t stop my pride)

Plus since we are in a new year, I’m spent a large amount of time truly evaluating my life. Examining everything in my life to either make things better or make me better. When I listen to this song, it immediately brought me to friends evaluation mode.

When I was in college, I had a special person tell me, “Everyone ain’t your friend”. Honestly I kinda ignored that for a large part of my life until I started to realize I was giving more to people than they were to me.

This isn’t anything new. Many of us have had this same realization. Hell, I’ve written about this multiple times before. (like this one) This time feels a little different. I’m not focusing on those one sided friendships that usually drain you of time, energy, and money.

Those type of toxic relationships are easy to spot if you’re open to seeing them. And if you’re strong enough and fed up enough with those relationships…you can eliminate those relationships rather easily.

But what about those relationships that aren’t really taking anything from you…but not really giving you anything either.

I discovered this on Instagram and well…doesn’t this just say it all?

Now far be it from me to be so narrow-minded to think that everyone in the world can have all of their relationships boil down to 3 simple factors but for me…these three factors are a pretty good foundation.

Shit, anyone that can bring 2 out of three of those things to me are already in the upper tier of valued relationships I have.

It does make you question what do your friends bring to the table?

What do I bring to the table for my friends?

I’ve grown past the stage that we are friends because we see each other all the time or that we have a history together or that we’ve always been friends. I’m 38 years old. I need more than that now.

Friendships are symbiotic relationships. In order for them to grow and function, there has to be a level of giving and receiving from both parties. People who are in your life and provide about as much as value as an expired coupon from 2009 need to be reevaluated. They are not your friends.

Look, I’m not suggesting throw away a 5, 10, or 20 year relationship with people. I am saying maybe that relationship needs to be reclassified.

Downgrading friends to associates.

It’s not throwing shade…it’s simply reorganizing your life and the people that are in your life. I’m not gonna do the same things I do for associates that I do for friends. Part-time employees don’t get the same benefits and perks as full-time employees, do they?

If I downgrade someone to associate, here’s what that person should aspect:

• Less access to me — I’m not talking to an associate every day for long periods of time
• Less favors from me — I tend to bend over backwards for my friends. An associate are getting the occasional favor if it doesn’t impact my day and I feel like it.
• Less information that I share — Discussing my goals and plans with an associate? Why don’t I just open my home to complete strangers and show them my vision board?
• Limited time to hang out — For any associate, I got you for birthdays and very, very, very special occasions…that’s about it though.

It’s not about making people feel bad. This is not about some sort of power games. It’s not about making some grandioso proclamation for attention. At the end of the day, it’s really about taking control of your life. We have limited time here on this Earth. For me, I would take being able to get the most out of the people that support me the most and give the most to the people who are there for me, but…

Those are just my thoughts…right or wrong…just what I was feeling at the time!!!