2 questions to spice up your 1st date
And actually make it to the 2nd date

I went on an awful first date the other night.
Why was it awful?
Because she talked about herself 95% of the time.
Which kills me — because the entire time, I was thinking…come on, it’s not that hard!
There are SO many dates, and even everyday connections, that don’t go well, because one person talks way too much about themselves.
Look, it’s just not fun to sit there, and listen to someone drone on about their life, if they never ask about yours. That’s called being a therapist, and there’s a reason you pay someone for that service.
But, I understand why you might do this. You’re nervous, you want the other person to like you, and you want them to think that you’re cool. Those are noble goals, and listen — all you need to do to achieve them, is to take an interest in the other person’s life.
And that doesn’t mean you just occasionally ask a question, say “oh, that’s cool,” and then move on. It means that you listen, with your full attention, and that you ask follow-up questions. Most people will just give you surface level answers, because they are not used to someone caring enough to listen. So you’ll need to probe a little further to really understand and connect with them.
If you’re worried about being too inquisitive, just focus on what that person likes to talk about. Which is pretty easy to discover, as people give you clues — often through what they’re wearing (like a Pokémon T-shirt) or their answer when you ask them why they made certain decisions in their lives.
An excellent example came to me a few days later, on a phone date with a different girl. This girl was the complete opposite, and she had ME talking more than her (which is rare). I admired her conversation skills, and I want to share 2 powerful questions with you that she asked me.
Question #1: What do you get lost in?
She was telling me about her craft, which she gets totally absorbed into, and then she shifted the focus back to me, and asked “what do you get lost in?”
And honestly, I had to take a second to think about it, because it’s not something I get asked very often, so I couldn’t just repeat a story that I use on every other date. And I liked that, because I got to share my interest in interior design, which I don’t get to do very often.
Question #2: What has been the most surprising part of it?
If people talk enthusiastically about their work, it’s a good sign that you can probe further. She listened to me share why I decided to become a dating coach, and then asked “what has been the most surprising part of it?”
Again, I had to think about it, because I couldn’t rely on the story I’ve told a million times over. And I shared how surprised I was, by the extraordinary support I’ve received, even from people who I was sure I was going to offend, like leaders from my mosque.
And therein lies the secret to fantastic first dates, guys and girls, and even the secret to great relationships — it’s unique and meaningful experiences. You don’t need to go climb a mountain or have a terribly fancy dinner to achieve this, because just being able to share something that you don’t share with everyone else is incredibly meaningful.
So when you go on your dates this weekend, be sure to show curiosity in the other person. And yes, go ahead, steal these questions — your date will certainly be excited to see you again if you do.

