Why bad dates are good for you

Pro tip: don’t lick your plate

Last week I told you about my awful first date.

And honestly, I should’ve known it’s was going to be terrible.

Because I had called this girl before our first date, and the conversation was super dull.

The video version of this post

Buuuuuut I still decided to take her out…

Why? Because, she’s really cute 😏


Don’t judge…I know you’ve fallen for looks too…

But it wasn’t JUST that. She actually found me on a BDSM social networking site.

Okay so now you’re really judging me…and it’s okay — bring it on. Care to share your browsing history with me? 😉

Haha ANYWAYS…I was intrigued. Because she messaged me first, and that never happens. Turns out we are kinky in some similar ways, so I decided, if nothing else, it would be an interesting experience.

Which, it undoubtedly was.

Let’s just say a belt may have been used…for something other than holding up pants.

(God, I hope nobody I know reads this…)

But overall, it was a letdown. Because I just didn’t feel that she cared about getting to know me. She dressed up really nice for me, she showed up early, and she even admitted that she was nervous. It was obvious that she wanted me to like her.

Which was ironic, because I told her what I was looking for on our date. As you know, I didn’t talk much, but one of the few things I did mention was how I really appreciate when people ask about my life and take an interest in me, and that my best friends are the people who do that.

Sadly, she didn’t take the hint.

But look, it’s easy to just put all the blame on the other person, say that she was awful, and then move on. But I’ve never been about that. Even if I don’t pursue a connection with someone, I take lessons from every single experience. Because that’s how you improve. By trying things out, and then learning from them.

With this girl, I learned two things:

  1. To believe people when they state their preferences. She said she’s not interested in any kind of sexual relationship, because of previous trauma, and honestly, I didn’t believe her. I thought it might change. But it didn’t — there was zero sexual energy on the date.
  2. That BDSM is not something I’m interested in outside of a sexual relationship. When I’m looking for, is an emotionally and sexually fulfilling relationship, with some light BDSM thrown in to spice things up.

And I may not have learned these things had I not gone on the date. So even if you think she’s not the right one, for whatever reason — it’s still worth it to go on a date, practice your skills, and learn some lessons (or even just what you are not into).

Just make sure to be clear at the end of the date about where you stand, but not in an accusatory way. In this case, I pulled her into my lap, and I said “I don’t think I can give you what you’re looking for, and vice versa.”

And she was okay with that.

In fact, she’s SUPER okay with rejection. She told me how she asked 8 boys to her homecoming dance, and after they all said no, she still went with her friend.

Now that, I admire.

So go on some dates, even if it’s not the perfect person. It’s a great chance to practice–for when you find the right person, and either way, you will learn something about yourself.

Amin Lakhani
The Dating Coach on Wheels
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