Why do I love the album “Blond”, and why will it always remain my favorite? (Part I)
We don't talk much or nothin’, but when we talkin’ bout somethin’, we have good discussion.
I started listening to Blonde when COVID-19 hit us all and weirdly enough my taste in music took a divergence. I’m sure that it is normal to change as a person when you’re faced with something bigger than life, and it is beyond all your control.
I had written about a universal nihilistic pause that we had faced during this time, but we cannot discard individual experiences as well. And, of course, we cannot because we see a multitude of stories and articles on depression coming from this year (2020) and the next (2021–22). Candidly speaking, the aftereffects of the pandemic are still within us and a lot of depressive episodes could be subconscious.
Today, I will keep this article to my individual layering. I know maybe some of you readers look forward to the ‘non-fiction’ I put across but I do feel that personal stories add value to a writer’s identity. And anyway, I am not looking for instant gratification.
I listened to “Nikes” for the first time in May 2020 and it made me feel like I was immersed in a party with a group of people who just knew me. I played the song over and over to feel the same feeling throughout that same night. It took me back to my college, my then classmates, and friends. It helped me believe in a youthful world, a world that granted freedom in all of its proper essence. I felt the glitter on my face and I didn't dare to prophesize anything at that moment. I was just, purely myself.
“We’ll let you guys prophesy
We gon’ see the future first
Living so the last night feels like a past life
Speakin’ of the, don’t know what got into people
Devil be possessin homies
Demons try to body jump
Why you think I’m in this bitch wearing a fucking Yarmulke?
Acid on me like the rain
Weed crumbles in the glitter
Rain, glitter”
I thought that I was dreamin’ when you said you love me
You might think that writing about your favorite album is easy but it is quite the opposite. It can get heavy, emotional, and tough, but it is definitely a release.
I love this song. “Ivy”. I remember not liking it much at first but then it grew onto me. I love every bit of it because it is so subtle yet so hard-hitting. I start thinking of my first love, my first boyfriend ever. It did feel like a real dream when he said that he loved me. But then every other “I love you” felt like a dream. Not the wet “I love yous” but the real ones. The ones that were really meant.
This song scares me to the core because heartbreaks feel like death when it happens but they’re nothing close to them. And, that is exactly what this song tells me. It tells me, “Well, don’t worry it was just a heartbreak”, or “Don’t worry, it will be just a heartbreak”.
These lines always give my heart a little bit of a reality check:
“In the halls of your hotel
Arm around my shoulder so I could tell
How much I meant to you, meant it sincere back then
We had time to kill back then
You ain’t a kid no more
We’ll never be those kids again
It’s not the same, ivory’s illegal
Don’t you remember?”
Just the same way you showed me, you showed me love
Pink + White molded me into a person when I was at my lowest. I remember feeling directionless and angry at myself. I felt like a loser. The feeling of being a fade in people’s lives was starting to consume me for the very first time. I remember listening to this song, while also deciding to visit Calcutta. My home was where I could be fully myself. And, I still remember feeling fully myself at my maternal grandparents’ house. It made me feel at home.
I needed help then but I didn't ask for it out loud. I think my grandmother just knew that I needed a family to hold on to. I didn’t want to visit my immediate nuclear of an ass family because we all make everything about ourselves. What a small little real world, huh? Families are meant to be hated and loved at our convenience.
Pink + White, to date, keeps me grounded, especially the lines:
“If you could die and come back to life
Up for air from the swimming pool
You’d kneel down to the dry land
Kiss the Earth that birthed you
Gave you tools just to stay alive
And make it out when the sun is ruined”
