Let’s Talk Hockey
The 2016 NHL Playoffs have been the best show on television, with due apologies to HBO’s entire catalogue, so Harsh (HD)and Arun (AS) ran an email thread to share their thoughts, experiences, and analysis of the second round.
AS:
Harsh, fandom is an entry point to sports and you know more about hockey than you purport. What teams and or/series have you enjoyed the most and why?
HD:
My hockey knowledge tapers off after like 2005, so I’m watching Matt Cullen in this Penguins series like YOOOO this dude is still alive?!?!?! Why’s there a third Pouliot on the Penguins? I live and die by Benoit and Marc-Antoine.
AS:
2004–05 is an excellent starting point, host to the brutish lockout that’s still baffling 11 years later. It was transformative for me in that it opened the window for basketball to captivate my attention. Alas, hockey is my first love and that’s why we’re here.
Why anyone would live and die by Benoit Pouliot is beyond me. Pouliot was selected 4th overall in 2005 by Minnesota — one pick before Carey Price — and even then-Wild general manager Doug Risebrough wouldn’t live or die by him.
Derrick Pouliot went 8th overall in 2012 and of three players bearing his last name, you should live and die with him. Come to think of it, that’s a corrosive mentality. Anyways, he’s going to be a key contributor to the Penguins, although Kris Letang is carrying that defense when he’s not taking unabated cheap shots at Marcus Johansson.
Marc-Antoine Pouliot is a historical footnote as his junior numbers with Rimouski were inflated by playing on a line with Sidney Crosby. Drafted 22nd overall in 2003- a year before Crosby joined his team — he never lived up to his potential. He just finished his fourth-year in the Swiss A league, host to one of your favorites, Pierre-Marc Bouchard, and Future Maple Leafs Demigod Auston Matthews.
Matt Cullen is so reliable and blase that I forgot to address him. Yeah, he’s still around. But I’d be hard pressed to name any moment from his career, aside from him lifting the Stanley Cup in 2006. Uh, that’s nice. Let’s hope he does it again 10 years later? Or not, there’s a lot of stories to root for.
For whatever reason, you’re an ardent supporter of the Finnish hockey program. What is it about the country’s national team that you enjoy so much?
HD:
Derrick Pouliot sounds like when you’re playing Year 6 of Franchise Mode in the NHL video games and they have to start recycling names for made up rookies and shit. I’m gonna take your word for it that that’s a dude who actually exists. Shout out to Derrick Pouliot. Marc-Antoine was the Gretzky to Crosby’s Kurri is what you’re saying, got it (not a typo).
Matt Cullen slander won’t be tolerated. That dude was a speed demon in NHL 2000, always traded Alyn McCauley for him or some shit.
Okay but for real, Auston Matthews — why? Patrik Laine looks a demon on ice, Jesse Puljujarvi is adorable, and the Leafs are going to take Auston Matthews? I even watched highlights of all three of those guys, and I didn’t come away thinking Matthews is head and shoulders above the other two. Is that just because he’s a center? Gotta load up on the Finns, man, Finland’s on the come up.
AS:
I grew up watching old videos of the 1980’s Oilers so I’m not going to dignify this revisionist history. EA Sports indeed ran out of names, although I thought the engineers placed some Easter eggs?
Pouliot is going to be good, although I was preemptive in my praise. He’s since been benched. Perhaps you’ll pay your attention forward to Olli Maataa?
Smart Hockey People TM told us both that Matthews is the easy choice over Laine. Although Laine, like Matthews, excelled during the world’s, it’s hard not to pass up a first-line centre. Matthews’ release and passing ability separates him from Laine, and that’s good enough for me.
I agree we shouldn’t get into the hive mind but Matthews has been excellent to date. Let’s get on board, lest you become a Winnipeg Jets fan for fuck’s sake. And you can’t tell me nothing about Yung Desert Storm’s sleepy visage.
Boosting USA-Finland connections like it’s the forgotten 1980 Olympic Gold Medal Game. Yuuuuck, go Canada go!
HD:
After doing careful research (i.e. getting scolded by people much smarter about hockey than me), Auston Matthews might be the real deal. You can’t make me stop hating how his name looks though. Or that he doesn’t have the swag required to Google Hangout from his bed like Patrik Laine did during the Draft Lottery. That was elite-level confidence by Finland’s hero.
Also, on that note, I root for every Canadian NHL team. Is this blasphemy? Even the Oilers, I kind of like them. The Canadiens had me feeling some type of way when they honoured Boom Boom Geoffrion a few years ago, and I didn’t even know who that old man was (RIP).
AS:
You’re right, what kind of pretentious spelling is that? All criticisms will be put to rest when the Leafs end up taking him first overall and this piece will be incinerated. The Internet lives forever, you say? Well, it’s cool that the kid is shooting lasers at the Worlds, that wrist shot looks like Phil Kessel. I mean that in a good way. Toronto did Kessel dirty and I hope he wins a Cup with the Penguins.
Your man Laine already got his rite of passage- a dirty knee from Corey Perry. He’ll be a stud elsewhere.
Harsh, don’t be that fucking guy! The guy who roots for every Canadian team legitimately gets excited for new postage stamps. Boom Boom Geoffrion is credited with inventing the slapshot, c’mon man. Though he’s a Habs legend, so you get a conditional pass.
Back to my salient point: don’t root for every Canadian team. You’ll seem misinformed, or worse, an asshole. I don’t wish Leafs fandom upon anyone, so either choose a team or be a sports atheist. Fandom sucks, anyways.
HD:
I don’t see how I’d be an asshole for rooting for Canadian teams, man. It ain’t my fault I get chills when I see Winnipeg locals shout out TRUE NORTH during the anthem, or Montreal locals sing their anthem in French. I’m a sap, yes. I’m also the guy who tries ordering in French when I hit up Tim Hortons in Quebec only to get laughed out of the shop. It’s about the principle. Also, if this is our sport, I’d rather the Cup stay in Canada, if not in Helsinki (shouts to the Finnish).
Okay but let’s talk Stanley Cup — the NHL’s catching a major L with these 4 semi-small markets in the Final Four. It’s the first time in a while we haven’t had a major hockey market in the Cup final, so what’s the narrative to root for? Crosby getting another Cup? The Lightning doing this without Stamkos? The Blues/Sharks finally getting the monkey off their backs and managing to go all the way?
I’m intrigued. Teach me your ways, Hockey Arun.
AS:
While I’m largely in favour of Canadian jingoism, this isn’t the way to go, my dude. No one likes the person who supports seven teams. I don’t see what this Tim Horton’s, they prefer if you speak English. Shoutout to Tim Horton, four-time champion Maple Leaf. Perhaps this is why he’s known as a coffee magnate more than a hockey player because no one can conceive the Leafs ever winning four times, let alone once.
This may be the worst television draw for the Stanley Cup Finals since 2006–07, when the Ducks beat the Senators in 5, the first time I wept tears of joy for a NHL club not the Leafs. I enjoyed hating, what can I say? Nonetheless, I don’t think the draw should affect us.
I’ll rank the teams and their narratives without attaching a strong bias to it
- San Jose and its core players no longer are labeled chokers. The Sharks’ lethal power play allows the narrative to shift on Joe Thornton and his legacy, while Patrick Marleau, Brent Burns, Joe Pavelski and Marc-Edouard Vlasic to get their moment in the sun.
- Crosby and Kessel baby. Sid the Kid gets his second title, a seven-year gap since his first one. In some people’s mind, Crosby should be on his fourth or fifth but the Cup is the hardest to win, don’t even try to @ me.
- I’m going down down baby, your street in a Range Rover. Shoutout to Glenn Hall. Homie allowed the 1970 winner via Bobby Orr, but was a legend in his own right. Took the 1968 Blues to the Finals and won the Conn Smythe Trophy, despite losing to the Habs. He also drank milk before games, and threw up before games, I see you my anxiety brother. This has nothing to do with anything. Robby Fabbri is from Mississauga and we’ll have a great celebration. That aside, it’d be good to see the Blues escape the Blackhawks’ shadow.
- Tampa Bay will be dope for a long time. Is Steven Stamkos leaving? I’d bet against it but I’m neither Steve Yzerman or Stamkos. Taking a championship window for granted is a sucker’s bet, especially in the NHL, but this team is the least compelling of the four because it seems like they’ll be back year after year. Then again, they lost in six games last season to the Blackhawks, and it’d be cool to see them overcome it.
HD:
Thank you for educating me, Stump The Schwab Arun. I agree with you on all fronts. There are compelling storylines across the board, even if the markets themselves aren’t headline-grabbers. The best part? I don’t even care who wins, I’m intrigued regardless.
Last thing — The most glaring realization I’ve had while getting back into hockey is that I wish this sport didn’t have such a massive barrier to entry. Hockey is fun to watch, whether you can relate to playing it or not (I can’t), but it’s hard for an ignorant mind to really contextualize what it means to skate freely, to maintain balance, to change directions, etc. on ice. I’m glad that Mark Messier and the like are starting to put programs in place that provide children with low-cost equipment in order to introduce a whole new demographic to the sport. Hockey struggles to become as woven into the fabric of the immigrant experience, but I hope my people can learn to enjoy it like I am now.
These playoffs were awesome, and I’ll be back again in October with 7 teams and every player from Finland to root for. *mic drop*
