Emerging from the Sewers of Defi
Part 1 in the developing series, “Memoirs of a Crypto Giga Chad in Training.” Stay locked in for new installments.
Ugh. Defi. It’s disgusting.
It’s a cesspit of scams and rocket schemes delicious enough to reel in even the most discerning investor. Approach the sacrificial altar of Mammon, brave acolyte. Good… Good... Now, throw your money upon the flame that never ceases to burn.
AHH!
Whew, I was only dreaming. What a nightmare. Here, I’ll just go ahead and check my bank account… Shit. This is reality.
It’s a reality in which I do not give a single remaining fuck about my fake fiat money that I earn from the unceasing daily grind of wage slavery. It pays my bills. Otherwise, to the burn pile with it. Cause I’m all about that crypto, baby.
Come. Sit and listen, my little friend. Uncle Red Wolf is going to tell you a tale about a gentleman’s quest to become a true Crypto Giga Chad.
Today’s story: FTM. USDC. SLIME. $OOZE NFTs.
Ooze Finance is one of the only money-makers in defi during this bear market. For me, at least. Yeah, I have plenty of crypto “safe plays” laying the foundation of my future riches, but Ooze has turned money into money for me. In more ways than one. It is the cream of the crop when it comes to daily ROI mechanics.
Allow me to explain. I’ll start from the top. First, I’d like to thank the tax man. Thanks for the check containing my own money that you tried to steal from me, but that I was able to claim back after months of meticulously compiling details about my hundreds of ill-executed crypto transactions. Well, tax man, I’ll say hello to Mammon for you as I put this nice little check right on the burn pile.
It was spring 2022. My day job had me up at night in cold sweats. The looming lifetime of the daily grind was eating away at my eternal soul. My tax returns hit. I made a choice. It was time to shove the full return right up Uncle Sam’s ass. Yes, defi is Uncle Sam’s ass in this scenario.
I’ll spare you the gritty details for now. I got REKT putting my money into stupid places I didn’t fully understand. *cough* MINERS *cough*. No biggie. I followed the golden rule of investing: never put in more than you’re willing to lose. Good thing I budgeted my burn stash, because redemption was right around the corner.
Enter the holy grail of decentralization: value-holding NFTs.
A lame fucking jpeg is not the purpose of an NFT
NFTs have gotten a bad rap. Not because NFTs in and of themselves are bad. It’s because they’re under-utilized. The current popular use of NFTs is akin to screwdrivers only being used to hunt water buffalo. Of course screw drivers would get a bad rap. Because you’re not screwing screws with your screwdriver, dummy. A lame fucking jpeg is not the purpose of an NFT. It certainly can be… but it’s not the big picture. More and more, NFTs are being given utility to function outside of their visual appearance alone. From links to the metaverse, to gaming, to defi. It’s slowly happening.
Ooze Finance has turned the page on the luxury art scene NFT market. And defi will never be the same again.
Enough riddles… WHAT IS OOZE?
There were a lot of aspects to Ooze that kept me coming back for more information before I made the decision to buy in. The retro video game vibe caught my eye because I’m a former gamer. The references and throwbacks to those good old days pulled hard at my nostalgic lizard brain. It got me jewels all in a tizzy reminiscing about my childhood, spending untold hours in front of a 13-inch Magnavox as if it were the be-all and end-all of life on Earth. Well, not to disappoint you, but Ooze is not a video game. It’s a business plan.
There is an Ooze ethos to “Make defi fun again,” but to be honest it was never that fun to begin with in my experience. In fact, for a lot of people it was a lot less than anything even close to being considered fun. Pretty sure people have killed themselves over defi… But, this should solve that issue.
Oh! “Make defi happy.” That will be my slogan, the Chad slogan. When Red Wolf’s time comes to create a defi project, we’re going to make defi happy.
Anyway, I’m not in defi to have fun. I’m here to get that (digital) paper. So let’s take the “fun” aspect out of it for now and get down to business.
Ooze has two major differences from other ROI dapps you’ve seen:
1) Devs who seem to genuinely not want to rug or scam their users and who don’t appear to be raging egomaniacal, compulsive liars.
2) The NFT thing I mentioned earlier.
In most (all?) other daily ROI dapps, you generally swap your crypto for a platform-specific token (in this case, USDC for OOZE). When you make that swap, your initial deposit is typically gone forever. It’s eaten by the beast of the contract, never to be seen again in its full glory. You have to grind it back out of that contract in a delicate game of compounding, claiming and strategic jeeting.
Not in Ooze! Your deposit is NOT gone forever. It’s locked into a little buddy. A little NFT buddy. You can jeet your deposit if you want. Yeah, I said it. And it’s true.
The Secret Sauce
Yes, my Ooze, which I purchased with precious, precious USDC on the Fantom network, was deposited directly into NFTs. Those NFTs gain the 1–2% daily ROI on the platform. So, even though I split my deposits among multiple NFTs, the single platform of Ooze was paying me daily based on those NFT dollar-equivalent values based on the Ooze token price.
WTF. Did I just say “NFT dollar-equivalent values?” Based on TOKEN PRICE!?!?!
But wait a second, Mister! I thought you said NFTs didn’t have value, because they’re just dumb jpegs with randomly assigned traits that only a moron would ever pay for!
Listen here, my little friend. I never called anybody a moron. I’ve paid for NFTs myself. *ehem* I’ve, invested in NFTs, rather… So, don’t talk about NFT investors that way. You’ll hurt somebody’s feelings. You see, little guy, this is what I’ve been trying to tell you. Ooze is not an NFT project. It’s an ROI project that utilizes NFTs as a piece of personal property. It’s a vehicle for deposited dollar value, as well as future value which has the potential to increase over time. But it doesn’t increase because your favorite celebrity told you to like the jpeg. It increases because it pays you in daily returns that can be redeemed for USDC.
The jpeg is just an added bonus so that you have something to identify with late at night when you’re scrolling your phone deep into the growing darkness, watching your net worth plummet by the second. You wish for simpler days as your mind wanders at the edge of the astral plane and another night of fitful sleep.
There you are, chillin’ the back of your mom’s minivan, parked at the end of the driveway. You’re lighting one up and pumping your fist to DJ Kahled singles as the buzz takes hold. Mmmm, memories.
But here, in the midst of your identity crisis, you have this little jpeg buddy to gaze upon. He’ll bring you comfort. He’ll hold you close. He’ll whisper sweet promises in your ear. Shh. Listen closely. He’s talking to us now:
“I’m here for you, Mr. Big Investor. No, of course you didn’t waste your money. We just need to wait for the bull run. You made a good purchase. We’re going to the moon, Mr. Big Investor! If you believe in me, I’ll believe in you. You’re a Giga Chad in the making! Soon everybody will be jealous of your MONKEY JPEG, I PROMISE!”
Those sweet promises will give you the confidence boost you need to peel your ass out of bed just one more day. Just one more day until you can buy that Lambo and crash it into the ditch across the street from your house because you’ve never handled anything with true power in your life, and you forgot to add it to your insurance policy, so now you’re out a few hundred grand and half a lifetime worth of pride.
But it’s okay, because you still have five hundred more NFTs just waiting to moon in that next bull run. This time you’ll do more pushups. You’ll drink a few less beers. You’ll take a smaller dab before climbing into your next Lambo and slapping the reigns on it, wrestling it into submission like the hunter Orion taking Taurus by the horns and subduing the raging beast in the cosmic struggle for absolute dominion.
Where was I? WHERE AM I?
Oh yeah. Back to jeeting Ooze NFTs because they have actual value. It’s not making sense, is it? Here. Let’s take a look.
This is my OG @RED WOLF. Well, it’s not mine anymore. I sold it. But just take a look at those juicy stats. See that “Balance” price? That’s the value of RED WOLF’s deposit, plus airdrops, plus kickbacks, plus compounds. See that USDC value next to it? That’s based on the Ooze price at the time. So, my Ooze deposits… they have value. Because Ooze has value. It’s redeemable for USDC. V-A-L-U-E in dollars. This cute little buddy has no impact on the worth of my NFT. The USDC, though… yeah. That’s called value.
And with Ooze Finance, the “Claimable” amount is even greater than the current value. But that’s the full-life value of this little buddy. I didn’t have the patience to see this one through to maturity. You’ll have to check out the Ooze website and white paper to learn more about all that. I’m not getting into it here. Check out the link at the end of this post if you want to learn more about Ooze mechanics. Hop in their Telegram with your questions. Lots of nice people over there.
But whoever bought this guy is now able to redeem the value by claiming, build the value by compounding/depositing, or they can turn around an re-jeet this home boy on the open market if they want to. Re-jeeting NFTs with an associated, token-driven dollar value… what a beautiful world this is.
Why did you sell for a discount? Are you desperate for cheese?
Listen here. There are factors at play which you just can’t comprehend yet. Because you haven’t DYOR on Ooze yet. Because you haven’t DYOR on your life yet. It’s time to get your priorities straight. Focus on you for a while. You deserve it.
As for me, I’ve already been pulverized into nanodust. God made sure of that. And everybody knows, the only way to DYOR on your life is to have God pulverize you into nanodust time and time again until you finally learn to get it right. Each one of those little particles of your former being is essential to rebuilding yourself as your new alpha. To rebuilding yourself as the Giga Chad you’re meant to become.
To make a long story even longer: Yes, I am desperate for cheese. Remember that little tidbit I told you about earlier where I got REKT “investing” in miners? This is how I chose to get unrekt. Piece by piece. Ooze by Ooze. USDC by USDC. FTM by FTM.
So, when I bought Ooze at just over $1, I was taking that gamble again. But when I saw the potential in Ooze, I saw my opening.
And like any Crytpo Giga Chad in training, I struck like a lion, patient for the kill.
Two ways to earn
I’ve begun to claw my way out of the fiery burn pit using Ooze; the ugly, severed head of the false god Mammon slung across my back.
I’ll be completely honest, because every Crypto Giga Chad in training knows honesty is a virtue. I’m still deep in the red. But these are hard lessons to learn, and they can only be learned the hard way. As long as you’re not afraid of your money, it can’t kill you.
I made the conscious choice to master money, and not let money master me as I was taught to do from childhood. You know the script. You bought into it too, didn’t you?
Just try really hard in school. Just go to college. Just earn a degree. Just get a good job. Just contribute to your company retirement account. It’ll all work out great! Just don’t do the math and you’ll be fine.
Yeah, it’s great advice if you want to slave away for a company that doesn’t give a shit if you live or die.
Ooze gave me two ways to earn. Actually there are more than two ways to earn with Ooze, but I’m not going to get into SLIME LP or team building here. I’m not really interested in those aspects of the platform right now. Again, check their website if you want to learn more.
I earned from Ooze by both selling NFTs for FTM, and by compounding/claiming Ooze, then converting back to USDC.
Like I mentioned earlier, I was fortunate enough to buy Ooze at around $1. That means when Ooze was at 2.5x, I could sell my NFTs for a discount and still profit on them. Which is what I did for these little beauties below.
And I sold even more than this little collection. I sold NFTs at a value greater than what I paid for them. And yet, when I sold them, they were worth more than what I sold them for because of the Ooze balance attached to each one. Don’t believe me? Good. If you want to be a Chad, you must always question and dig deeper. To confirm my outlandish claims, check the blockchain, from which no transaction can hide.
Some of my NFTs were re-jeeted immediately. That’s pretty fucking awesome. Because I made money. Then the guy I sold to made money. Then the guy who bought it from him owns an NFT that still has value to be claimed by converting Ooze back to USDC. And with maturity, it’ll pay out a far greater amount than what I made from the initial sale.
Wow, defi actually does sound like fun when I put it that way… I made money, and then someone else has the opportunity to make money off the same product I sold to them. Very nice!
And as for the second way I earn… I still have Ooze NFTs! Every day they print Ooze for me. I compound some of it to boost my NFT future value, and I claim some of it, swapping back to USDC to recoup the losses from my REKT phase.
Golly gee! Thanks, Ooze!
You said it, little guy!
There are even more features coming out for Ooze too, including a first-of-its-kind secure in-dapp messaging system, as well as a multi-coin bridge so you can buy Ooze directly from other blockchains without having to endure the runaround of swapping to USDC on the Fantom network first. This is quite possibly just the beginning of something even more grand than we can imagine. But to be Giga Chad honest with you, I have one foot in and one foot out the door on Ooze right now. I still mercilessly employ NFTs to print Ooze every second of every day, but as for the rest of them, I sold them off and turned them into FTM.
The allure of FTM for me is that I believe it’s a world-class asset. With everybody on Reddit claiming “Fantom is a dead chain” I’m just more sure than ever that it’s a great product. Because Reddit is a depraved, uninhabitable slum of the internet rife with the most baseline mental acuity human kind has to offer. Reddit is where the lowest common denominator meets its denominator. It’s an abyss from which no knowledge or insight can ever return. And that’s coming from a former Facebook addict. Anything I see being popularized on Reddit, I’m fairly certain that the opposite is the ultimate truth. Oh, I also DYOR on my investments and listen to rich and successful people for advice, not Reddit neckbeards.
So, even though over the lifetime of my Ooze NFTs I might have been able to make more money, I chose not to wait it out. I chose instead to sell my Ooze NFTs at a reduced rate in exchange for FTM, which I believe will reach its all time high value again (roughly 10x). So, I didn’t just sell at a discount, I sold at a discount with a future potential value of 10x.
Every financial strategy has to be tailored to your personal plan. This is part of my personal plan.
Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
This is the only way to conquer the brutal hellscape of defi.
If you want to learn more about Ooze it’s on you now, little knife: https://ooze.finance/
Crypto Giga Chad in training OUT.
Nothing in this article should be considered financial advice. This post is made for educational and entertainment purposes only.
