Time and space
On the 13th of March this year the Bulgarian government declared lockdown. Two months have passed since then and I’ve had plenty of time to think. About life and about myself, as my companion most of the time are my own thoughts.
Since I am not an introverted person, being in isolation is like being in prison. I need time to be outside, to talk to people, to go on adventures, however small they might be. Even a short trip to a part of town where I’ve never been before makes me smile. But right now, the only walk I have is down the hall, the main activity is opening and closing the refrigerator door at least 10 times a day, and the biggest highlight of the week is going to the store for bread.
During the other time, I am stuck in between 4 walls that occasionally change their outlook, as I switch my bed with the living room couch.
Days are not what they used to be. I am not certain if it is Wednesday morning or Friday afternoon anymore. Time is changing its meaning, losing its shape. Days are merging together as my perception of what is now is just a mirage. It seems as if they have become uneventful, filled with absolutely nothing.
Yesterday my boyfriend and I went on a hike. Since lockdown was declared, it has been extremely hard to get outside of the city. You have to provide a piece of paper, stating why you are going out, and if you don’t have a good enough reason (like traveling for work), you are simply sent back home. So this made us creative in our ways to get out. We found a dusty old road that goes right next to crop fields and went down in search for a way to get past the policemen at the entrance of the village where he lives.
After about 10 minutes of driving and laughing as we wondered if the car would make it past the unevenness of the terrain, we entered the village. After another 10 minutes we were at the base of Stara Planina (Old Mountain). This is where our hike began. Pine forests, steep slopes, and lovely views of Sofia were just some of the things that caught my attention. The chirping of birds, the song of the wind and the glimmer of the sun in between the leaves made me feel at peace. A small water fountain in the middle of the track was like an oasis under the heat of the sun.
As I was looking around and feeling the wind in my hair I could not help but think about all of the times I’ve come to nature for guidance. It always provides me with answers — whether they come to me at the moment, or in retrospect, the greenery has always been my companion in times of need. This time was no different.
As I was looking at the forest with the sun shining through the pines, I started thinking about how peaceful it is to be outside. How this lockdown is unhealthy. How people need to be out in nature, to become one with it. To seek answers there, to rediscover themselves. I entered a meditative state as I thought about all of this and let the sounds of nature completely free my mind of trouble. You don’t have to be isolated at home, you have to be isolated in nature. You have to feel the rawness of it as it grounds you. As it nurtures you, just like a mother. As it gives you guidance by revealing to you your true self.
We reached the peak at sunset. The view was breathtaking. You could clearly see the golden rays illuminating the mountain tops. The silky clouds floating in the rosy skies and the trees, neatly hugging the base of the mountain.
This was precisely the therapy I needed. In the past weeks I’ve been struggling to get my thoughts together, to find meaning in my day-to-day life. My only motivation was doing coursework and watching series, as I hardly went out. But this view, this astonishing view, brought back meaning to everything. It made me remember the beauty of the Earth, its vastness. Its endurance in the test of time. And it made me feel safer, made me believe that it was all going to be alright. That soon we could all be climbing mountaintops and travel legally. That we could all gather and be together physically, not only virtually. That we will get through this, if we find this little piece of hope that keeps us going.
For me this is the grounding energy of the mountains and the freedom that the views give me. So now, I know that days do have meaning. Days might be merging into one, but that makes time pass faster, as you lose track of it. Isolation might be terrifying, but it only makes you appreciate freedom more.Soon, we will all be climbing tops — be it mountain tops, or the tops of our conscience, as we rediscover more of ourselves every day.
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Teodora Zlateva is a student at the American Univeristy in Bulgaria. She is a true nature lover and can’t wait to be able to put up her hammock once lock down is over.
