How to stay calm through parenting in a pandemic

By: Puja Balachander, Devie CEO

Since the beginning of lockdown, hundreds of parents have chatted with Devie, and one thing is clear — parents are experiencing emotional highs and lows as they face challenges like juggling work and child care, home schooling, financial instability and mixed emotions about the return to nursery on June 1 (among many others!). The daily rollercoaster of emotions can be exhausting.

And since it’s mental health awareness month, we thought we’d offer a few suggestions that might help you to cope with the highs and lows of parenting. While the solutions below are evidence-based, they aren’t a replacement for therapeutic support. If you think you or someone you know needs more support, consider some of these resources from the NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/

Be grateful for the highs

Let’s start with the positives. Parenting comes with lots of positive experiences that are easy to take for granted. Maybe it’s a moment when you’re proud of the kindness your little one shows to a sibling, or a feeling of love when you get a spontaneous hug! Reflecting on and being grateful for these little moments can make you feel more positive about the whole day.

One way to do this is by writing down three things you’re grateful for in the morning right after your wake up and/or in the night before going to bed. You can now do this with Devie! We’re testing out a new feature where parents can reflect with Devie on their emotions — and you don’t even have to remember to write things down in a journal :) Try it out and tell us what you think!

Acknowledge and validate your negative emotions

But let’s get real, there are daily moments when parenting can be stressful and frustrating, and being on lockdown makes this even more challenging. On top of this, parents tell Devie that they often feel guilty about feeling stressed or frustrated! It’s so important for parents to start by acknowledging that their feelings are valid — it’s okay to find parenting stressful or frustrating!

The first step in validating your feelings, is to reflect on and name your emotion. Start by reflecting on how you’re feeling, and ask yourself some gentle questions about why you’re feeling that way — this might help you name your emotion, and acknowledge it without judgment.

Reflect on and reframe the negatives

Now that you’ve named your emotion, you’re ready to reflect on, and perhaps reframe it.

For example, if you’re feeling guilty about how you reacted to your little one’s tantrum, it might be helpful to show yourself a little compassion, think about what you want to do differently the next day, and reflect on why doing things differently might benefit you and others. Or if you’re feeling anxious about your little one’s progress with milestones like weaning or walking, it might be helpful to think further into the future, about how you’ll feel about these worries in a year, or even a few weeks. Your worries of the moment might fade a little with the perspective of your future self :)

BTW- Devie can help you reflect in these ways. Give the new wellbeing check-in feature on a try and tell us what you think!

All of this is a long winded way of saying be kind to yourself, and try and maintain a little perspective in the everyday moments. The thing we most often hear from parents (as cliche as it is) is that these early years fly by, and that maintaining a little perspective through the daily highs and lows can help you enjoy this special time with your little one ❤️