Steps you can take to raise anti-racist children

Published in

The Devie Blog

5 min readJun 4, 2020

We stand in solidarity with the black community in the fight for racial justice. At this incredibly difficult time, it’s never been more important to examine and challenge the biases and mindsets that lead to unequal justice, racial bias and systemic inequality. These biases start in early childhood, and parents have an important role in helping their children become anti-racist.

Here’s a bit of context to start. Children start to recognise different races as early as 6 months old (Kelly et al, 2005). By the time they are 2–4 years old, they can have already internalised biases based on their environment, including using race to choose playmates (Katz & Kofkin, 1997). By 5 years old, black and latinx children in research settings don’t show a preference for their own groups, while white children are more likely to be biased in favour of whiteness (Dunham et al, 2008; Kinzler, 2016; Aboud, 2008). By the age of 12, most children become set in their beliefs (Anderson & Douge, 2019).

At the same time, research shows that having conversations about race early can help children change their behaviour and thinking, and that at this age the change can happen quickly. That makes this first decade an important window of opportunity to support children in becoming aware of racial bias and making daily equitable choices. Here’s how you can start:

Use your child’s observations as opportunities to talk about race

When your little one notices that someone’s skin colour, language, hair etc. is different from their own, acknowledge and celebrate the difference. You can say, “I know, isn’t it wonderful how we are all so different?”

It can be tempting, especially in public spaces, to shush your little one or feel embarrassed when they make a comment about differences. However doing this can send the message that differences are a bad thing, and something we shouldn’t talk about. Try and resist this by openly acknowledging that your little one is right, and celebrating the difference they noticed.

Teach your little one about personal space

Children are naturally curious, and may want to touch someone’s hair or skin when they notice a difference. Teach your little one that everyone has personal space, and that they need to ask permission before they touch any part of someone’s body.

Expose your child to diverse representation and stories

Find books and media that expose your little one to diverse characters, cultures, and stories. Once the lockdown is lifted, seek out opportunities to meet and interact with families and children of different cultures.

Common Sense Media has compiled a list of Books with Characters of Color you can use as a starting point.

As early as 1 year old, you can point out different skin colours and features on characters in books, and reinforce to your little one that they’re all beautiful. For 3–5 year olds, when there are minority main characters in books or movies, don’t call attention to their race. If your little one notices, acknowledge the observation, and if they keep asking questions, engage them in the conversation.

Model and be aware of influences

Try and be conscious of how people and media around your child talk about race, including yourself. Little ones imitate what they say and hear, so try and create an environment where the conversation about race is inclusive and positive.

Recognise and challenge biases children may have already internalised

Watch out for statements from your little one that link race or appearance with judgments about values, beauty etc. For example, your child might say, “I want to dress up like Elsa because she’s pretty, not Moana.”

When you hear something like this, pause, and don’t scold or shut down your child. Instead, ask open ended, non-judgmental questions to understand why your child said this. Then talk to your child about how what they said might make someone feel.

Talk about current injustice and fairness

First of all, take care of yourself and your emotional and mental wellbeing, so that you are able to have calm conversations with your little one about what is happening. Many parents are experiencing vicarious trauma, and it’s important to take care of yourself first.

Also, try to read or watch news when your little one isn’t around. This is because children pick up on stress and anger in the media, and the way others talk about race. These emotions are contagious, and your little one might become more fussy and irritable as a result. They might also imitate what they’re seeing and hearing on the news.

Do, however, talk to your little one about what is happening, and don’t shy away from their questions. As you do this, acknowledge your child’s feelings, and let them know they are safe.

If your little one is over 3, you can talk about racism and discrimination in terms of fairness. Explain what happened in simple terms, for example, “sometimes, people are scared of people with dark skin,” and ask your child whether they think this is fair, and why?

This can lead to difficult and important conversations as your little one asks why and thinks out loud. If, in the process of talking, you aren’t sure what to say, don’t be afraid to tell your little one, “I don’t know, I’m still learning too,” and do some research to help guide your conversation.

Being anti-racist means making , “frequent, consistent, equitable choices daily.” All of us need to become comfortable with discussing and reflecting on race to be able to make these daily choices. And helping your child become comfortable with this from the earliest age can help transform the system to be more racially just.