THE DIARIST
How Does It Feel To Be ‘Alone’?
My number one tip on how to overcome loneliness
Reflection on the lonely road: 18th of February 2024
Have you ever felt alone? I bet you’ll answer with “yes,” and simultaneously wonder what a stupid question that is.
But by alone I don’t mean the not-being-surrounded-by-people-alone , we’ve all experienced at some point.
What I mean with alone is: this gut wrenching, miserable, feeling when you’re surrounded by people, and feel like you don’t belong. Like nobody around seems to be able to understand the person in front of them. The person they are talking to or just looking at, the person they have known for many years or have just met, the person so complex yet — so shallow.
By alone I mean: the feeling when you feel betrayed by someone around you.
A friend.
Or family.
It’s this different kind of pain when they don’t mean to hurt you but do. When they forget to include you, when they don’t even ask if you want to come, when you feel like a burden in case of coming anyway.
What I mean with alone is: the saddening realisation that hits you when you tell someone about your feelings, and they don't seem to understand a single thing.
And they don’t even seem to bother either.
They nod, say things like, “I know” or “yes.” They briefly hug you or give you a pat on the back. Worse even when they recount a situation where they allegedly have felt the same. That’s when you notice how little they actually understood.
By alone I mean: the feeling that nobody cares. That no matter how much you’re trying to bond with those around you, how desperately you’re trying to fit in, you feel like nobody truly appreciates your presence. They might laugh at your jokes, ask trivial questions but in the end — they don’t really care.
Loneliness is what you feel
When you tell someone excitedly about something that makes you happy, a new thing you’ve discovered recently, or an interesting thought you’ve had the other day, and they doesn't show any signs of interest.
They might even laugh at you. Tell you that, “you’re crazy.”
Being lonely has more to it than simply not being surrounded by people. It’s a potent feeling that can occur in many different and often, in unexpected situations.
Of course the situations I mentioned are only few examples. Feeling alone can be totally different from one person to another. However, they are all valid. It’s totally fine to feel lonely even when you’re in (good) company.
So, have you ever felt alone?
My №1 Tip:
How can someone overcome the feeling of loneliness? I wish there was a simple answer to that question. But as with so many things in life, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.
No right path.
You have to find your own individual one.
In my opinion the most effective thing is to simply do things on your own.
- Go somewhere you have never been before alone.
- Attend an event all by yourself.
- Learn something you have never had a clue about.
The possibilities are endless.
Ideally, go on a solo trip in a foreign country. Sounds scary? It is. But I promise you’ll greatly benefit from the experience. You’ll get to know different people and cultures, but most importantly, you’ll learn a lot about yourself. You will grow.
The possibilities are endless.
The goal on such a trip is to gain confidence and trust in yourself. Furthermore, you have to master being alone.
A powerful skill in life…
Enjoying your own company actually is one of the most powerful skills you can have. Why is that a skill? Well, I believe you need to learn to be alone.
Alone with your thoughts & feelings for example.
Apart from that, you might not have a great understanding of what your way of solving problems is like, because you’ve had help your whole life.
Maybe you have never really stepped out of your comfort zone yet. That will definitely change when traveling alone. Because no matter how well prepared you are, there is always going to be unexpected situations that can be quite difficult to manage.
And that’s a good thing!
I myself had experiences abroad
where everything went the exact opposite of how it was planned in advance.
In summer 2023 for example, I had planned to volunteer at a touring stable with Icelandic horses in the very north of Denmark. When I arrived, however, nothing was the way I expected it to be.
- The stable had almost been shut down completely.
- There were very few horses left and I only had the chance to ride once a week. Twice if I got lucky.
One evening during my second week there
It was already 9:00.p.m, I decided I wanted to catch the next flight home. Only problem: the next flight was departing at noon the next day, and the airport was located on the other end of the country.
And so the planning begun: First, I had to get a ride to the local train station. From there, I had to travel across Denmark from the north to Copenhagen by train, and then fly back home eventually. Twelve very exhausting hours later, I finally arrived at home.
Now, do I regret this trip? Absolutely not. Even though I might not have found what I was looking for, this experience was amazing for my confidence level and my trust in my own abilities.
But even if you can’t just pack your bags and go abroad. There are a lot of things that require stepping out of your comfort zone for you to do nearby. Consider something you might not normally do, or you are even a bit afraid of.
Here are some examples:
- Eating alone at a restaurant.
- Driving somewhere you don’t know your way around.
- Picking up a new hobby you know you’ll suck at in the beginning.
No matter what you choose to do, I’m positive that, as long as you keep working on it you’ll find your confidence eventually.
Last but not least, always remember:
Feeling alone is not uncommon and even though those around you might seem totally fine from the outside, doesn’t mean they are on the inside.
They’re probably not.
So tell me, have you ever experienced any of this?
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