THE DIARIST REFLECTIONS

I Wrote This In A Notebook

Digital detox is a need of the hour at times

Writing on the notebook still feels like meditation, Photo by Author

9th of April 2024 — my dairy

I hardly use a pen or a notebook these days. If I have to take a note, I open Google Keep on my phone. If I have to save an article I bookmark it. All my journaling is done in the drafts section on Medium. All my thoughts are in “My Notes” group on WhatsApp, where I am the only member.

But I wrote this blog on a notebook, while travelling on a train. And that felt great.

It was a long day, we have been travelling the whole time. We went on a road trip in the morning, stayed out whole afternoon, and then boarded the train for the seven hours long journey. It was quite hot in the sun outside. We were tired even before boarding the train.

I knew that I am addicted:

Through out the train journey, I kept scrolling mindlessly on my phone. I was with my wife and my little daughter, yet I kept checking WhatsApp, kept typing and debating on sports, politics and what not. I kept on refreshing my YouTube feed for a new video, I pulled my Facebook feed up to get the latest update.

I kept switching from LinkedIn, to Facebook, to YouTube, to WhatsApp, and back — yet nothing was working. My network had other ideas. It will just not connect to the Internet. I kept on restarting the phone, tried to manually connect to the network but in vain. I was missing the constant dopamine hits. I could feel something was not right.

I constantly felt very impatient, I was irritated. I could feel anger swelling inside me about to burst into tears of anguish on the service provider. It felt almost like an withdrawal syndrome.

It was at this moment I knew, I fucked up.

I was addicted to my phone.

I knew I fucked up. Meme generated using https://imgflip.com/

The me time on trains:

This was not my first long train journey, I have travelled on this route since I was a teenager. I used to love the train journey. The constant bustle inside trains in India. I could spend hours watching the changing landscape from the windows. I could observe different people, hear to their stories all day.

I was addicted to my phone.

I used to love the whistling sound of the train, the shouting of the hawkers selling chai, samosa sweets and what not. This cacophony of sounds in a train used to feel music to my ears. The journey in train was always a me time I loved.

But what was happening to me now? Why was I not enjoying this time without the phone? when did things change?

Stolen Focus:

There was a time I could read a book in a train for hours. In one such journey I read the book Around India in 80 Trains. I flew through the pages, it was so lovely to see your dream through the eyes of someone else.

But now I can hardly spend five minutes by myself, I can’t finish a book in months. I can’t focus on one task for five minutes without being distracted by the next LinkedIn post, or the next YouTube video, or that one Facebook notification.

We all know our focus is getting stolen, out attention span is dwindling, yet, we can’t do anything to stop it. I know I am intoxicated by the digital drug, yet I couldn’t resist.

I had to do something:

The first step to fix anything is to know about the problem. The moment I realized how impatient I was getting, I knew I had a problem. I had to do something to change.

I tried to speak to my daughter, play with her for a bit, I took my mind off the phone. I took her in my lap and did a little walk inside the train. We even enjoyed an impromptu magic show from a magician that boarded the train for a brief.

If you are not aware , many people board the Indian trains and perform their arts to earn some money. You can see everything from a magic show, to a complete band performance, from rock music to folk , from gymnastic to dance. It is like those street artists performing in different high streets around the world.

I spent some time doing all these. But when my daughter fell asleep, I felt a constant urge to pen down how I was feeling.

The moment I realized how impatient I was getting, I knew I had a problem. I had to do something to change.

It was a bliss writing on a notebook again, Photo by Author

Pen on Paper is still a bliss:

I knew I had a pen and a notebook in my bag somewhere. I pulled my bag down from the overhead bins. I started rummaging through my bag to get the notepad and the pen out.

“Eureka,” my voice swelled through my lungs.

As a teenager, I used to write a lot. I used to write poems, sonnets, short stories, and even small novellas. I used to get inspired by love, by the day- to -day affairs, and even the tragedies in the world. I used to dream to be a writer some day. I could still remember every stroke of the pen on my notebook felt like a great art.

I have missed this for nearly a decade now. It has been more than a decade that I wrote a fictional piece in a notebook. But I felt inspired again. I started to jot down how I felt that day. How I was loosing my focus. I blabbered everything that came to my mind, without worrying about the SEO.

I was finally calm. I was no longer restless. I could enjoy the rest of the journey. I smiled with my wife, I could calmly watch my daughter enjoying her innocent sleep on her mother’s lap. I was finally in control of my senses.

Did you even feel restless when your digital dopamine was taken away?

How did you cope?

Do you do digital detox often?

Tell me in comments if you are struggling or you feel addicted to the screens too.

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