Healing Journey

As someone with three mental illnesses (BPD, GAD, MDD), I have been struggling to keep it together.
I felt something was wrong since childhood, I just felt different. Not like other kids my age.
That feeling made me feel like I am an alien among “normal people” living their “normal life”
Life has been a shock to me; since childhood, I have never expected this world would look like this.

From middle school moving forward to high school, is the period of uncertainty. When all three mental illnesses started to show up on the surface. I kept testing myself as being “normal” by mimicking others' actions and reactions. As well as asking some questions about the daily routine.

Lately, I have spoken to many people with mental illnesses. I usually ask them “for how long you have been going to therapy”. Many people’s answers range from 7 to 15 years. It is a shock to me. I felt like there is no way out of this. After realizing that I have been living with the aforementioned illnesses for almost all my life.

Today’s evening, it came to me that life is much more about coping. Yes, there are many people running, accomplishing, and competing. As I get curious about; why people feel like they are competing for their survival? Why there is too much stress?
On the other hand, many are running in circles; as they think to themselves “I just want to do basic life’s routine and survive”.

I concluded that life itself is a vivid trauma. We just live throughout it; with the motivation for getting and being better. I mean, there is no fixed time for “the healing journey”. Perhaps, life is a healing journey.