Here’s How to Think of Break Ups So They Hurt Less
I always do the breaking up!
My next date might be worried about that but I have a knack for figuring out bullshit and for knowing when I am just being strung along. The signs are always there so instead of trying harder to fix what is not working or fighting, I just break up.
Fundamental issues or differences can’t be fixed by trying harder, besides both of you must want the relationship to work for any fighting to be worth it.
I simply cut my losses and ditch!
However, when you do the breaking up, it doesn’t still mean your heart was not broken or your dreams for the relationship weren’t cut short, you just figure out it’s not worth all the current and future pain.
A lot people carry so much pain and bitterness around when a break up happens, they feel shame for letting their partners use them in such manner, they feel taken advantage of, they have fears of being single and returning back to the dating market, they feel guilt for putting themselves through the whole relationship but all those feelings are only bound to cause you more pain and going into that depressing rabbit hole is not what you want to do.
1. You are not the only stupid one: Instead of feeling ashamed for the things you did or allowed in the relationship, know that everyone is stupid in a relationship, stupidity is sewn into the DNA of relationships. You take their word for it when you shouldn’t, you listen to their lies when you knew better. These are all things we do even in non-romantic relationships. It is one of those things and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Now you know better and you did the right thing or the right thing was done by you.
2. Regret is useless: Take responsibility for your part in the relationship, could be the decision to even be with the person you knew was bad for you, could be the fact that you didn’t stand up for yourself, could be that you were not the best partner as well but don’t spend a moment regretting it. Rather, dig deep and ask why you made that decision in the first place, what were your insecurities, your fears that caused you to make certain choices, then begin to fix them.
3. An opportunity to be happy: Instead of seeing being single again as a stretch of loneliness that you don’t want to experience, it could be time for you to develop yourself in amazing ways or time for you to just be, no yearning to be in a relationship, no hustling for your next date, just a time for you to enjoy each moment as it comes. It could also be seen as an opportunity to meet someone that you are more compatible and in tune with.
4. Maybe the relationship just wasn’t meant to be: Your ex is not selfish or annoying but both of you are simply not compatible. There are people out there who would do the things you want with ease and there are people out there who would be comfortable with the things your ex is willing to give and it makes neither of you bad people.
Even if they were a jerk, be content in the knowledge that you tried with them and now you know it didn’t work out. Break ups are not as bad as we make them to be, they are just an opportunity to start over, more intelligently or maybe not. But you get what I mean.
