HYPNOSIS
It’s another Sunday and I’m still waiting for a miracle. Would it come from a preacher, an altar call or a personal conviction?.
I’ve been in it for three years and I still don’t feel like we’re ever going to part ways. In these 3years, I have tried to be the best partner to Paul. My friends think I have been hypnotized, I can’t say more nor argue less.
The last time Paul abused me verbally, he said it was a result of uncontrollable anger. He even started attending anger management classes and I was consoled by that. I was determined to make it work because he showed efforts to change.
“It’s always verbal abuse and nothing more, he doesn’t hit me like other men who batter their women. Cheating on me is far from it, so why should I abandon our relationship of years because of mere arguments?”
This was always my strong backup whenever my friends asked me to abandon him.
“He called you a prostitute before his friends” Tina queried
“Well I’m no prostitute, so I don’t feel guilty. You only feel shame or guilt over a crime you’ve committed.”
“You don’t need to commit a crime before you feel shame. Embarrassing you like that in the midst of his friends will only reduce their respect for you. Don’t you get it?”
“I’m not in a relationship with his friends but him. I don’t need to earn their respect”
“God! You’ve been hypnotized”
“Can we come up with another discussion?”
I’ll readily change conversations when I am confronted with the hypnosis talk. Does it still exist in today’s world?
Sunday came.
The preacher stood on the altar in his shiny black suit, preaching passionately on relationships and red flags. I felt a strong aching in my heart as my mind went to Paul wishing he was here. We began living together six months into our dating relationship and came to church together as often as we could.
This very Sunday, Paul decided to stay back and do some laundry, it was surprising to me cause I have always taken care of laundry. Paul was so sweet, he said he didn’t want to bore me with them. I was happy even though a part of me still wanted to pull him to church.
My heart began racing when the preacher said “What you don’t correct in courtship, you’ll never be able to correct swiftly in marriage”.
- Again, it felt as though I was poked in the face. Paul is a nice man with his own flaws, I thought as I fought to get him out of my head but it didn’t seem like I’d have a clear head space. Then another thought creeped in, “Would I be able to correct his flaws any time soon? Living with it meant condoning frequent heart aches.”
Here was my opportunity for a good distraction, “May we rise as we begin to ask God for mercy.” My guess was that it was one of those intermittent prayers, little did I know that the first service had come to a quick close.
It was during the announcements that I again realized there wasn’t going to be a second service, rather there would be a youth celebration later in the evening. My countenance dropped in disappoint. I came a little late with intentions to join the second service.
Howbeit, I made up my mind to share the little I heard with Paul, hoping it wouldn’t rouse contempt.
“Now may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ…” The church chorused and soon the was a crowd of people trying to make their way out of the church auditorium.
There was this sudden hope that came on me, an unexplainable joy that I was headed towards a new beginning with Paul. It was going to be alright once we have this heart conversation. It was burning in me. The preacher had set a foundation on which I was going to approach Paul regarding our relationship and the next steps.
My legs ran as they walked, I soon got a taxi home and wished the driver could hurry rather than crawl.
With excitement, I got home and was welcomed by a blare of music coming from our apartment at a distance. Paul rarely disturbs the neighborhood with loud music except when in high spirit.
He must be happy then, I guessed. Best time to talk to him. I walked even more excited.
The smiles on my face, they faded as I approached the door gradually.
I wanted to be sure of what I was hearing, was I dreaming or was it our house this sound was emitting from.
I pressed my ear over the door and it only got more intense like two people in some sort of a mortal combat. Sounds of deep moaning could amidst the loud music. I turned the door knob only to realize the door was locked.
Immediately I brought out my own keys, unlocked and pushed the door open. Just then, my eyes got a confirmation of what my ears heard. Paul and a strange man.
My body enveloped in shock, my legs quivered. The stranger stood up comfortably without panic, dressed properly and left. There could only be one implication, this wasn’t his first time here. I just wasn’t lucky to find out until now.
Somehow, my legs were able to carry me out of the room in tears while Paul sat back on the bed, heads bowed.
This was what put him in high spirits and here was I swearing he’s never cheated before. This summed it up. Paul never looked at any other woman with keen interest.
As I sit staring out the window, I heave a sigh and let out the words fighting in my head, “My contender is a man.”
Tina says I’m not going back to him. He’s been calling and I still feel bonded to him.
It’s another Sunday, and I’m still waiting for a miracle. Would it come from a preacher, an altar call or a personal conviction? I don’t know but I’m here in church wondering what next.
Maybe the preacher is going to preach my ‘situationship’ because I’m pretty far from a relationship.
I’ve spent three years contending with a man, truly this is hypnosis.
#lejitstories
