The art world is home to a lot of needy egos. I joined with a big one during the summer.

My well meaning transformative mindset wanting to break barriers and burn all the tables in areas that haven’t worked well for black and brown folk. Yet, what was passion and wisdom from the community organising world has led me to transmogrify into a virtual signalling bad-mouthing hypocrite.

It’s only Occasionally, leftist circles offer small critiques on the inability for ideals of social justice to penetrate the regular world. I held the view, that because I know things, read things and envelope some of these learnings in previous work practices that they can carry through everyday work settings.

Oh how I was wrong.

Since last, week 5 words I heard in a meeting have drifted in and out of my head.

“Senses of entitlement come from insecurity”.

At first, one Drop of sweat released from my left-arm pit as I recognised this with myself. It is such a valid point. In the community of institutional art spaces and museums I’d never questions like “where’s my solo?” And “do I have a job?” So often. Knowing what I know from my skillset and experience has encouraged a sense of insecurity to come in since entering the commercial Art world. I never studied art-history and I’d never met a real life art dealer. My understanding of an event produced by Sothebys only goes as far to say I know I have a gorgeous 1940s Japanese cape I should wear to an auction.

In this new gallery job I have now, I dismissed all advances of good vibes from my boss to let me know I was great, and could be great. I underestimated the point. First off, British people do not like getting gassed externally. Second, I approached them with partial cockiness. The commercial art would, would be honoured to have someone with my status in the public sector. We Brits are a society that is built around a labels like royal titles, and MBEs. Joining this team i’m in now I assumed a natural progression from the years of experience running many shows — campaigns, projects, teams, even policy papers.

Calling me a Director should have been affirmation enough. I would never be a person that responds well to motivational speeches and words of affirmation, because I still rely on execution and data to evidence success.

Now the dust is settled and I’ve defo started the job, all I thought I knew about building communities…