The Beauty in Not Knowing: A Short Reflection
I didn’t expect to reevaluate my entire life on a random Tuesday afternoon.
On this as-ordinary-as-a-Tuesday-gets afternoon, I was organising my room, and noticed an old photo slip between the papers I was holding. I watched it gently land on my bedroom floor, confused as to why it was even there. I looked down staring at a years-old baby photo of me at 6 months. The photo had captured myself mid-laughter, and as I froze staring at this photo,
I began to cry.
I’m not sure why I cried and I don’t think I could ever find the answer to it either. It’s complicated, a thousand unknown reasons woven together, threads impossible to sort out. I know what I was thinking though.
Look how innocently unaware she is.
What if she knew what was ahead of her?
Would knowing wipe that beautiful smile away?
Here I was, 6 months into the chaos of what we call living. Isn’t it surreal that at one point, our minds was empty and clear. Where we functioned on the same level as animals: eat, sleep, repeat. Then you grow up and somehow life is no longer about getting by. About eating and sleeping- you’re lucky if you manage to do that right. No, suddenly, life is painful experiences; missed opportunities; regretting past choices and ultimately feeling lost in this huge world.
But I’m not writing this reflection to prove that life sucks and there’s no hope. In fact, somehow it’s the opposite. You see, once I got over the unexpected feelings of sadness, I realised something life-changing. If at 6 months old, we had acquired the knowledge in how our lives would turn out: our failures, disappointments and painful moments, how different would you have lived life? You would’ve avoided things you knew could hurt you, you would’ve constantly been careful and only choose the safe options. Doubt and suspicion would have a huge control over your life.
Self-preservation would then ultimately become a form of self-destruction.
The truth is, not knowing about the pain to come in life is our biggest blessing. Your unawareness is what has allowed you to experience life fully, because you can’t have the amazing moments in life without the terrible ones. Because you can’t avoid what you don’t know will happen. This lets us try new things, follow our hearts and allow life to take us on this journey.
I guess, this fleeting moment, of finding an old photo of mine made me realise: at 6 months old, my mind wasn’t filled with ‘what ifs’, that’s how I got to where I am now in life.
So why should I start now?
