VOX POPULI #006: In which we begin to say goodbye before we were mentally or emotionally prepared to, aka BATTLE ROUNDS

Welcome to the sixth installment of an ongoing feature here at The Dip we’re calling Vox Populi, where Dirk Walker and Jonny Rice review The Voice. Jonny almost forget to watch it last night. He was patting raw chicken when Dirk sent him a text. That is not a euphemism, he swears.

Jonny
okay, we doing this?
Dirk
Let me just slip out of my Alicia Keys Benihana Chef uniform and into my velour Review Tracksuit™
Okay ready
Jonny
Dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk Walker, are you hyped to talk BATTLE ROUNDS
Dirk
YES
I’M NOT SURE WHATS HAPPENING
Jonny
first time battle rounders here

Dirk
I was surprised that teammates went up against one another
Jonny
I didn’t really remember that was a thing
it makes sense though
otherwise coaches would be cross-coaching each other’s folks with these duets
Dirk
That’s a good point
Jonny
it’s interesting to see which performers the coaches paired with each other
there’s definitely a strategic element to it
do you weed out the weak ones first by pairing them against a sure thing?
or do you put two artists who have similar styles together to see who rises to the top?

Jonny
okay, first up for Team Alicia with guest Charlie Puth
Christian Cuevas vs. Jason Warrior performing “Hello” by Adele
let’s talk practice first, then battle
first of all, Charlie Puth is a child
a tiny little boy
Dirk
WHO EVEN IS HE
Jonny
he is either A) a vine star
or B) a youtube star
of C) a handmade puppet come to life

Dirk
I’ll ask my students tomorrow
Jonny
good call
so what did you think of Alicia picking “Hello” for Christian and Jason?
Dirk
I thought it was a wise choice
Dirk
Both guys have really dynamic voices and this was a good one to showcase both of their talent
Jonny
in rehearsals, it seemed like Jason had a much better handle on the chorus than Christian
Dirk
See I thought otherwise
Jonny
Christian had a lot of trouble hitting the high notes at first, though
I was scared for him, I thought he might blow it
but do go on
Dirk
I thought Jason was trying WAY too hard throughout
He was embellishing so much it was distracting to me
Jonny
I can see that
but he was just trying to impress THE PUTH
Dirk
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE PUTH

Jonny
SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP.
lmbo
but by the time of the performance they really kicked it up a notch
Dirk
I was still rooting hard for Christian

Jonny
I never realized how low this song starts out, especially compared to how wildly high it gets later in the chorus
Adele is such a showoff
I was still leaning Jason after the performance.
what about you?
Dirk
I was with Christian all the way. I like that his performance wasn’t as assertive as Jason’s. It sounded more natural to me.

Jonny
well, luckily, we both got our way
Alicia picked Christian to advance
but Adam stole Jason for his own team
Dirk
Now /this/ was a delicious twist
I was not aware coaches could steal a contestant after they had been passed on
kind of a Yankee Swap gift exchange amirite?

Jonny
I’m still confused about how it works
*I think* each coach gets two steals in the battle rounds
but we saw multiple steals tonight
the coaches were steal-happy
we shall see
Dirk
Yes indeed!
Jonny
next was Team Adam with special guest Sammy Hagar
I’m sorry, but this did not excite me like it did some of the artists
I am not much of a Van Halen fan
Dirk
Me either
Jonny
and even then, even I know that the David Lee Roth years were the best
I hope we get some Sammy Hagar hate mail for this

Dirk
lmao I do too
Jonny
oh HAGAR FACT
Natasha got a hug, but when Riley went in for a hug he was DENIED
nice maneuver, Sammy
Dirk
Here’s a Dirk Fact: This was the only battle I got really upset about.
WHY OH WHY DID ADAM GIVE THE CROONER A CROONER SONG
Jonny
Yeah, Adam had Natasha Bure vs. Riley Elmore singing “Cry Me A River” by Michael freaking Bublé
rehearsals were rough, too. it didn’t seem like a song choice that played to Natasha’s strengths
Dirk
make the kid sing something that doesn’t sound like the rat pack!!
This choice felt rigged to me
Jonny
my favorite part was this ridiculous Adam quote to Riley:
“You are perfect in some ways that might not be good”
what does that even mean
cheese and crackers, Adam
say American words we understand

Dirk
He was dazzled by Riley’s suit or something idk
Jonny
screw Michael Bublé, should have gone with Timberlake
Dirk
yes!!

Jonny
Natasha held her own though during the battle, at least in my opinion
Dirk
Totally
Jonny
I would have picked her, and Blake, Alicia and Miley all agreed
She impressed me with her ability to adapt to the material

Dirk
Too bad they were all saving their steals :(
Jonny
really sang her heart out
but Adam
dumb dumb Adam
he had Riley advancing before the first practice
I guess he sang the song well, but how many times will he get gimme gifts like that?
Dirk
Here’s my prediction: Riley is going to do a contemporary song in the next round and he’s gonna biff it. Why? BECAUSE CROONERS CAN ONLY SING LOUNGE SONGS
Jonny
it could come back to hurt Adam
Dirk
I apologize for my overuse of caps btw
Jonny
never

Jonny
third was Team Miley with special guest Joan Jett
which was the only pairing that made sense to me
Dirk
Yes LORD

Jonny
Team Miley had Ali Caldwell vs Courtnie Ramirez dueting “Hit or Miss”
a song I STILL don’t know anything about
google was not helpful
but it was crazy challenging for both of them!
Dirk
This was a fantastic battle nonetheless

Jonny
I thought Miley did an absurd job getting Ali and Courtney ready for this battle
A++
Dirk
She is proving herself to be a very strong coach
Jonny
who would have been your pick as winner of this pairing if you were in Miley’s chair?

Dirk
I was rooting for Courtney
I thought she really held her own in the song and had an awesome stage presence
Jonny
this was a weird one for me
Ali is so powerful, and there’s no way I would have been able to send her home
but Courtney is someone who’s album I think I’d like to listen to and enjoy more

Dirk
Same
Jonny
she looks like she’s having a blast out there
Miley went with Ali, but you could tell she was hoping someone would steal Courtney
AND DOUBLE STEAL

Jonny
okay, if you’re Courtney
who would you pick, Blake or Alicia?
who gives you the best chance?
Dirk
I’d go with Alicia
Both Blake and Adam annoy the hell outta me
Jonny
I understand that, but DIS-A-GREE
I woulda gone with Blake b/c his team is a little weaker right now
gives me a better chance to advance
Dirk
Interesting
Jonny
but that’s just me
Dirk
You are very cunning!

Jonny
Courtney took your advice though, and chose Chef Alicia
Dirk
Yisssssssss
Jonny
next was a Team Blake affair, with guest coach Bette Midler
who was actually hilarious
Dirk
weird pairing dot com…
but yes she was hilarious

Jonny
weird pairing dot org, but wildly entertaining
this was my least favorite battle pair, though
Dan Shafer vs. Sundance Head — 
though it might have just been the song
“Feel Like Making Love” by Bad Company
it felt like another setup to me. this was Sundance’s battle to lose
Dirk
I thought so, too

Jonny
Dan, the dad, just didn’t have a chance
dad-TM-symbol-dad
Dirk
Dan’s performance was so flat and his moves were cringeworthy! I felt like I was watching two friends perform karaoke.
Jonny
yeah, he deserved a different song option, BUT
the songs he’d be best at are the the songs that might not play well on The Voice
he’s not really a rocker
Dirk
True, true
Jonny
and during the battle, he REALLY tried. he almost got there
but Sundance was just too good
Dirk
He definitely sounds like he’s ready to cut a record

Jonny
I think everyone picked up on his energy, which isn’t very showy, it’s all from his voice
and Blake went with him
after that we returned to Team Adam
Andrew DeMuro vs Billy Gilman singing “Man in the Mirror” by MJ
Dirk
I really enjoyed this one
Jonny
Andrew really struggled at first in practice, I wasn’t sure he could handle this song
Dirk
I was worried he’d outshine Billy tbh
Jonny
nahhhhhhh, this just wasn’t Andrew’s jam, imo
Dirk
This song was perfect for Billy’s voice and vocal style
Jonny
yeah, but also they DID NOT duet well in practice
Dirk
not at all :-/
Jonny
it was shocking to me how much better they did together in the battle
they worked really hard to get to that point, even if we only saw 20 seconds of it
Dirk
Too bad we didn’t get a training montage

Jonny
YES
in the dusty gym
with punching bags
Dirk
YEP
Jonny
and so many sit-ups
and 80s style sweat suits
like Josh Brolin in Goonies
I could go on all night
Dirk
I’m 100% into it

Jonny
the battle was very evenly matched, and neither performer really blew me away
I think I would have gone with Billy just for the potential factor
his ceiling seems higher
Dirk
Agreed
Jonny
I’m worried about his chances going forward. he could get swallowed whole by some of the more powerful voices.
it’ll be an uphill climb
Dirk
I hope you aren’t right, but time will tell

Jonny
lastly, back to Alicia and the Puthinator
for Wé McDonald and Lauren Diaz singing “Maybe”
originally by The Chantels but later covered by Janis Joplin
Dirk
I was hoping Lauren would get another life-changing moment tonight
Jonny
winning the lottery
Dirk
Anything!
Jonny
abducted by aliens
finding out she’s Lionel Richie’s daughter
Dirk
hahahahaha
Jonny
so my cable went out for a couple minutes here
right after Puth was sort of flirting with Wé
#PuthFlirtAlert

Jonny
so I missed the practice session completely
thoughts?
Dirk
Both sounded good in practice… no surprise
However, I’m a firm believer that Wé > Lauren
Jonny
this battle was my second fav of the night, just barely behind Ali and Courtney
and yeah, Wé is just sooo tremendously gifted
it’s almost not fair

Jonny
I think Alicia was leaning Wé the whole time, just like us
but it felt too soon for Lauren to go home
luckily Miley and Adam both tried to steal her
who would you have picked in Lauren’s shoes?
if you didn’t hate Adam with the passion of 10,0000,000 suns

Dirk
Miley
lmao you already know
Jonny
I loved Miley’s pitch
“I have nothing going on besides this show”
Dirk
She’s just so much fun! Plus she seems like such a good coach
Even if I didn’t win I’d feel confident in what I’d learn from her
Jonny
I forgot to mention Blake’s best line
“I called you a rooster cause you ain’t no chicken.”
what a dad joke

Jonny
anyway, Lauren went with Team Miley
and that was a wrap for the show
any lingering thoughts about our first round of battles?
Dirk
the battles felt a lot less daunting than the blinds. Plus, I’m really enjoying seeing how the coaches pair up the contestants and choose the songs
Jonny
yeah, there’s a real art to it
I hope we don’t see too many two singers that are kind of similar pairings
those are far less interesting to me
Ali and Courtney worked because of how different their styles are
that kind of duet seems more challenging for the coaches
and more entertaining for viewers
I’m excited for what comes next

Dirk
yes yes yes
Jonny
and as a teaser for the next episode
YOU’VE NEVER SEEN
A VOICE PERFORMANCE
LIKE THIS
so over the top, NBC
Dirk
HYPEHYPEHYPE

Jonny
anyway, we’ll be back next week, to talk a little about tonight’s one hour show, which we won’t be doing a whole separate post for
and more Monday night battles!
Dirk
Boom, baby!
Jonny
smell ya later!