VOX POPULI: a humourous review of The Voice with appropriate gifs and jpegs

Welcome to the second installment of an ongoing feature here at The Dip we’re calling Vox Populi. Get it? Whatever. It sounded like a good idea at the time.

Dirk
Ok I’m hydrated and ready to go
Jonny
alright, let’s start with night #2
Dirk
Let’s do it!
Jonny
2nd of four audition episodes if Wikipedia is to be believed
one thing I noticed right away was this was taped the same day as #1
which was an absent minded question I had earlier today — what their production schedule is like on a show like this
each episode is 2 hours long with commercials
but from a production standpoint, probably even longer to tape?
I’m just glad we get breaks

Dirk
I would assume so, yeah
Agreed!
So I have to apologize for missing the first two of the night :-/
Jonny
again!
you’re a bad boy, Dirk
Dirk
Let’s just say I’m going all out for my Liberace costume this year
I’ll be on time next week! Promise!
Jonny
wait, how is Liberace a Bad Boy?
I was thinking you joined a motorcycle gang
or robbed a bank
Dirk
Actually I robbed a motorcycle gang and joined a bank
JK! I started piano lessons tonight. It’s a subtle joke!

Jonny
hahahaha
okay first up was Sa’Rayah, singing “Drown in My Own Tears” by Aretha Franklin
and she impressed, but somehow Adam and Blake didn’t turn around
what fools these men be

Dirk
Is it strategy?
Or foolishness?
Only the shadow knows
Jonny
this wasn’t the only artist Miley and Alicia fought hard over tonight
Sa’Rayah was a harbinger of things to come
harbinger
lol
I need to cool my jets
anyway, she went with Miley (who kind of stole the show tonight, that is, when Auntie Alicia wasn’t stealing the other half of the show)

Jonny
next up was Ethan Tucker, who performed a reggae version of “Roxanne”
which was 50% cool
and 50% ruined the ‘put on a red light’ lines of the song
because it was toooooo sloooooooooooooooooow
Dirk
I know I shouldn’t judge since I didn’t hear it, but you lost me at reggae
Jonny
you’ll have to check and see if it’s on youtube
it wasn’t BAD
it just wasn’t the best way to cover Roxanne
anyway, he was Adam’s until the last minute
when Blake hit his button
not last minute, like last SECOND
what a dick move, Blake
Dirk
Lol
Jonny
that might have been the low point for Team Adam
when Ethan went with last-second-Blake

Dirk
Adam’s roster was pretty thin at that point
Jonny
he was followed by a native Nashvillian (?) Katie Colosimo, who sang “Stone Cold” by Demi Lovato
and um
stone cold reception alert
it was not great, Bob
Dirk
Yep :|
I thought she was a fine singer.
Just not quite there for this competition
Jonny
she has a day job hanging out with puppies
so you can’t REALLY complain

Dirk
I know I wouldn’t
t b q h
Jonny
then magic happened, Dirk
MAGIC
Dirk
YAAASSSS
Tell me the story
Jonny
WELL, Wé McDonald sang NINA
NI
NA
and it was perfect

Dirk
Omg was it ever
I was literally shook, to use the words of my students
Jonny
honestly, I’m not sure “Feeling Good” is a Nina Simone Original ®
it might be an older song
but regardless
Wé killed it
Dirk
Yes LORD

Jonny
I saw Michael Bublé sing it once and it made me want to jump off a building
and not in a good way
regardless, this version was much better
Dirk
Lmao
It was such a surprise because her speaking voice is SO young and girly
Jonny
oh man, yes! the best part: SHE’S SEVENTEEN
anyway, there were some strong contenders in night #2, but Wé was a favorite
four chairs
Dirk
I still have chills! She’s one of my faves tonight
Jonny
and she went team Alicia
Dirk
Big get for Alicia

Jonny
Adam finally got a W with Andrew DeMuro, who sang Billy Joel’s “Vienna”
Blake tried to swoop in again at the last second, but it didn’t work this time
Dirk
No sir
Jonny
what did you think of Andrew?
Dirk
I was glad to see Adam get Andrew. I wasn’t sure about him at first but he really nailed Vienna. I think he will go far this season, but maybe not all the way…
Insert shifty eyes gif

Jonny
I would tend to agree
there are always those singers who are good, but unless they take a giant leap forward you can’t see them advancing to the final rounds
Dirk
Absolutely
Maybe he’ll surprise us?
Jonny
this is terrible and mean
but no
hahaha
sorry Andrew
make me eat my words
Dirk
lol
Jonny
so did you know of Billy Gilman before tonight?
I had not heard of him
Dirk
Yes!
Jonny
well, Blake remembered him right away
Dirk
At first I didn’t think I did but I totally remember seeing his music video on CMT when I was a kid

Jonny
and everyone turned around for his take on “When We Were Young” by Adele
(at least I think it’s by Adele)
Dirk
It was marvelous
Jonny
I had a very embarrassing moment later on misidentifying a song
and now I’m very self-conscious
Dirk
lol I got u
Btw I accidentally typed gout
I gout u :-/
Jonny
there was a very sweet moment during Billy’s interview with his parents where they broke down telling him they loved him no matter his sexual orientation
that was incredibly touching
Dirk
It really was
Jonny
I cant imagine what it’s like to be super famous as a kid and then feel the pressure to come out publicly when you’re older
AND he got four turns, too!
Dirk
He’s my other favorite from tonight
I can’t wait to see more of him!

Jonny
he ended up going with Adam, but I was sure he was going with Miley after he mentioned her during his interview
Dirk
I really thought so too
And she was saying all the things he wanted to do
Idk…
Jonny
then we had Nathalie Vincent singing “Hold Back the River” by James Bay
a song I had never heard
by an artist I have never heard
where have I been, Dirk?
Dirk
Do the hills of Tennessee keep you blocked from popular culture???
Jonny
apparently. I guess he was even nominated for a Grammy!
they give out those things to everyone these days
Dirk
I can’t wait til WE win a Grammy
Jonny
what did you think of Nathalie’s cover?
Dirk
I forget hers! Ack!
Jonny
hahaha
well, the judges agreed with you
not a single one turned around
I spent most of the song googling picture of James Bay
daydreaming about stuffing him into a locker

Dirk
What did she sing? My mind completely expelled her
Jonny
HOLD BACK THE RIVER
a completely forgettable song
by a completely forgettable songwriter
James Bay, my new irrational nemesis
Dirk
Hahahahahaha
Jonny
I’m blaming everyone who doesn’t get picked for a team on him from now on
Dirk
Omg well the song clearly made me go into a fugue state so I’ll pass on commenting…
Jonny
I hope we get some hate mail from James Bay fans
next we had Sophia Urista who performed “Come Together”
and I pretended I didn’t know who the Beatles were
and you 30% fell for it
Dirk
I was ready to cringe at her performance
And was semi-trolled by you, yes

Jonny
I was mostly just confused
because she was all Brooklyn and cool and runs a burlesque show and chose the Beatles?
Dirk
I thought she did a fine job, but had I been a coach I probably wouldn’t have turned around
Jonny
even though that track is not one of my favorite Beatles’ songs, she did well enough to get Miley and Alica to hit their buttons
and then Miley played her trump card
Dirk
Ah, yes
Video of Dolly
Jonny
THE DOLLY
like, she had that in back pocket the whole time!
it was queued up and everything!

Dirk
I like to think she had it in the center of one of those big roses on her outfit
Jonny
hidden documents and secret files, a real Eddy Snowden moment
and it worked!

Jonny
who’s next
oh yeah, Brendan Fletcher!
the guy who I thought was singing Dolly Parton but was actually singing Ray LaMontagne
I was so confused (AGAIN!)
Dirk
hahaha
I wasn’t sure if you were still trolling
Jonny
I self-trolled accidentally

Jonny
anyway, he had a bit of a tough time getting chairs to turn
Dirk
Yes. Another example of good-not-great
Jonny
but he ended up getting everyone but Blake
Adam went wild for him
thirsty
Dirk
Yes he was! I, however, was not.
He was okay but I was just nonplussed. I don’t know why… I just was
Jonny
Adam got three solid picks tonight with Andrew, Billy and Brendan
but I can’t help feeling he has the weakest team so far
Dirk
The ladies have already picked up some real powerhouses
Jonny
Yes, 100%
Adam and Blake are definitely behind in the Powerhouse Class
Dirk
Hopefully Adam has a bit more luck in the next blind audition rounds
Jonny
Dan Shafer, singing “Marry Me” by Train was next
Dirk
LOVED IT

Jonny
he had a really powerful story about giving up on his dreams when his son was diagnosed with an illness
and he took a full time job for the health insurance
Dirk
He is a Cool Dad™ of the highest degree
I mean he wrote the Transformers cartoon jingle for god’s sake!!!!

Jonny
haha yes!
But what did you think of his performance?
Dirk
I was truly amazed
His voice sounded so YOUNG
The choice of song was dead-on here
Jonny
he was another solid performer in my book. and this is where song selection is so important.
he picked a song that fit his range and nailed it
it’ll be interesting to hear what he sings from here on out
Dirk
I agree
Jonny
lastly, Lauren Diaz, huge Alicia Keys superfan, sang “If I Ain’t Got You”
Dirk
She blew it out of the water
Stellar rendition!
Jonny
Which I personally thought started out super shaky, I’m sure because of nerves.
but you’re right, by the chorus she sold it.
four chairs
which might have been a little too generous, imo
but it was a really great moment
Dirk
I think the others turned because they knew the outcome already…
That girl was Team Alicia since age 14!
Jonny
and Alicia, who had already basically won her over, still continued to fight
and serenaded Lauren with her own song!

Jonny
and then I got up to get a drink
and when I came back Lauren was engaged

Dirk
Basically she experienced the end of an underdog movie plot
Not to be confused with Underdog
Jonny
does that mean it’s not fair if she wins the whole thing?
because she already had her third-act moment?
Dirk
I like to think it’s a right-before-intermission revelation
Jonny
oh, so it’s like a two-parter

Jonny
classic
Dirk
Just like the show!
Jonny
speaking of underdog and dogs in general
it smells like updog in here
Dirk
it smells like updog
like really bad updog
Dirk
…
Jonny
NOT MUCH WHAT’S UP WITH YOU
Dirk
-_______________-

Jonny
okay, that’s a wrap
Dirk
until next week! ❤