VOX POPULI: Jonny + Dirk review S11 of The Voice

Welcome to the first installment of an ongoing feature here at The Dip we’re calling Vox Populi. We are dipwads. We don’t even know Latin. We’re frauds. You weren’t supposed to know this so soon. Let’s get on with it then.

Jonny
okay let me know when you’re ready
Dirk
I’m ready baby
Jonny
so
initial thoughts: this might be the first episode of The Voice I’ve watched from beginning to end.
I never realized the show was this long!
Dirk
Hey me too! That’s what she said!
Jonny
bazinga
I watched some during season 1 and season 2, and maybe during season 4, the first Shakira/Usher season. But there’s a huge gap recently.
Dirk, I know you used to do some American Idol watching. how did it compare?
Dirk
It was definitely more entertaining than I expected. Even though it was a two-hour premiere it went at a nice pace. It felt a lot more streamlined than Idol.
Jonny
it’s entering its 11th season now, but I do remember watching when it first premiered, and being so different from other talent competition shows because of the blind auditions.
Dirk
True, true.
Jonny
the whole conceit is really extremely appealing to me
you don’t know anything about the person
other than
WAIT FOR IT
their voice
Dirk
I imagined you saying “their voice” like Ursula

Jonny
okay let’s talk coaches
you being a newbie, this is how the game works
once the teams are complete, each of the coaches train their talent and try to get them to the finals
Dirk
How many people on a team?
Jonny
this is where my knowledge fails me
I’ve failed you, Dirk Walker
Dirk

Jonny
I’ve never made it past the blind auditions
because it always got boring tbh
this is my chance to redeem myself
and watch a whole season
to become a whole man
Dirk
I can see the human interest story building already!
So who is your favorite judge at this point? Is it too early to ask?
Jonny
I am historically Team Blake fan
even though I’m not real big on his music
Alicia Keys though, she’s so chill
it’s hard not to like her and what she’s doing
she’s like a v cool auntie
what about you?
Dirk
Well 15-year-old Dirk was delighted to find out tonight that our Alicia Keys crush is still going strong…

Jonny
Miley did nice for herself, too
nabbed a couple of gems
Dirk
It’s really a toss up between Miley and Alicia for me.
I think the faux rivalry between Adam and Blake is mostly cute, but I think the women are much more focused on the talent.
Jonny
yeah, at least in this first episode
but the danger in stockpiling too fast though is you round out your team before all the talent has auditioned
and if you don’t have space left, you miss out
Dirk
I hadn’t thought about that
I was wondering why the guys weren’t picking up as many so quickly
It makes more sense to me now
Jonny
the Blake / Adam rivalry is MUCH nastier than I remember it; I would totally believe it if they hated each other IRL
just like, couldn’t stand to be in the same room
unless the money was good

Dirk
More like a Paula/Simon rivalry perhaps? ;)
Jonny
I wish I knew more about Idol
Dirk
Sidebar- Paula Simon would be a great drag name
Jonny
Paula Simone
okay, anyway
Dirk
Lol
Jonny
let’s talk contestants
Jason Warrior was first, singing Stevie Wonder
I think Alicia and Adam turned around for him
you were late, though
Dirk
I missed his performance @_@

Jonny
he would end up choosing Team Alicia
did a nice job with a classic song
just goes to show how song selection is so important on this show during the auditions
which we’ll talk about some more later
next was Dave Moisan, singing Marcy Playground’s Sex and Candy
which I still can’t get over
Marcy
Playground
Dirk
Okay, I REALLY loved this cover
Jonny
tell me why
Dirk
He took an already sexy song and made it even sexier! The musical arrangement felt very fresh and modern but still true to the original.
I thought the execution was fantastic overall
Jonny
I love that we disagree already
Dirk
Lol oh no
Jonny
no this is healthy
sex and candy is like a sexy song for middle schoolers
maybe it’s because I might have been in middle school at the time
I just couldn’t stop laughing
he was a good singer though
Dirk
It’s not so much the lyrics as it is the way it’s sung, ya dig?
Jonny
I will never dig Marcy Playground
Dirk
Not even Gin and Money!?
Jonny
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ha

Jonny
Courtnie Ramirez was next, singing a Jessie J song I’ve never heard before
she was the one who went to christian camp
so I love her already
regardless of song selection
Dirk
hahaha
What did you think of her performance?
Jonny
it was good. she was fine.
I wasn’t jumping out of chair
but I’m glad she made it
and I’m glad she went Team Miley
felt like a good fit

Dirk
I think with some coaching she could be pret-tay pret-tay good
Jonny
Larry David should be a coach’s adviser
Dirk
YES
Jonny
he would do it
he does everything know
sellout
Dirk
I was thinking about my dream guest judge lineup
Jonny
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?
Dirk
During the show I was thinking about how great it would be to have Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen on
But could you imagine LARRY in the mix!?
All the Emmys

Jonny
and then there was Sundance Head
SUNDANCE HEAD
do you think that’s his real name?
Dirk
I honestly can’t say!
I really hope it is his real name though.
Jonny
he sang Otis Redding’s “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long”
and Adam said something weird about Otis Redding not being country to Blake
which made me hate Adam even more
because country and soul and R&B have similar roots
man, I hate Adam
unreasonably so
there is no logic to it
what did you think of Sundance?
Dirk
I’m a fan! I love classic country and he’s definitely got the sound.
So much country music today feels like cheap pop music with a pedal steel in the background, but his sound just felt genuine
Also, I think you should braid your beard
Jonny
agreed
that was a pretty badass look
Sundance was followed by Maggie Renfroe
who was the first one to not get a single turn around
it was rough

Dirk
She seemed super sweet…
but there was something about her that gave me flashbacks to this awful teen I had in class last year, so I’m lowkey glad she didn’t make it…
Jonny
hahaha
Jonny
that one was… I couldn’t tell if the song was a bad selection
of if she was too nervous or what
Dirk
I think nerves played a big part
Jonny
but it was not a great performance
Dirk
Maybe next time…
Jonny
Ali Caldwell got a four chain turn next singing Ariana Grande
which, at first, I like — Ariana Grande?
but man Ali can belt

Dirk
I’m gonna level with you: I was not impressed to start
Jonny
BUT
Dirk
BUT, damn she really brought down the house by the end!
Jonny
yeah, kudos to whoever wrote Dangerous Woman
what a great chorus
Dirk
Amen
Jonny
next was the jazz kid
riley elmore
who sang “the way you look tonight”
And Adam fell HARD

Dirk
Okay, I need to confess something here:
Jonny
also I can’t believe HE WINKED AT ADAM after Adam turned around mid song
CONFESS AWAY
this is a safe space
Dirk
Maybe I’m just a philistine, but I find lounge music and the whole Ratpack thing so fucking BORING.
Jonny
SAME
Dirk
And as a modern singer, you’re shoehorned into that genre. No escape. It’s a one-trick-pony situation.
Jonny
you know that Postmodern Jukebox band that people seem to love?
Dirk
Oh yes
Jonny
I judge people so hard when they share that on social media
not to mention there’s nothing post-modern about it
it’s not like there’s copies of Derrida, lying in the background of their videos
Dirk

Jonny
but also it’s boring as hell
Dirk
Now, I’ll give credit where it’s due. Riley has a great voice. His wink at Adam was epic. And their blossoming bromance is ADORABLE, but wake me up when he’s done singing!
Jonny
okay. So next we had Dana Harper
I think she sang Nick Jonas?
she impressed me
Dirk
Hers was the first of the night to give me goosebumps.
For one thing, I LOVE that song…
But then her take on it was so unique and suited her so well! I was immediately in love

Jonny
followed by Gabe Broussard singing Marc Broussard’s “Lonely Night in Georgia”
Dirk
Another great performance. Although I kept waiting for it to be revealed that he was actually Jimmy Fallon doing an awkward teen character
Jonny
was he the guy who talked to Adam at a Maroon 5 concert?
Dirk
That was Dave Moisan
Jonny
hahaha
I don’t remember Gabe at all then
WHICH ONE WAS GABE
Dirk
Ha!
He had the vest and the guitar?
Jonny
was Gabe the kid who said he didn’t know anything about girls?
Dirk
Yes
Jonny
okay, good
yes I did like him
and his vest
he also said his mother tells him he’s a stud
Dirk
I was over here like

Jonny
he went team blake
aka team stud

Dirk
I’m not too surprised there
Jonny
okay, Chris Cron, who should have been a personal fav, just bombed next
singing INXS
Dirk
Ugh, so sad
Jonny
just a bad selection all around
Dirk
Yes. It felt like he was super overcompensating, too.
When they were showing the little bio thing about him, I really dug his band, Melee. ( ._.)
Jonny
yeah, never tear us apart is one of those songs that’s a really gentle but emotive ballad
but he tried to EMOTE SO HARD
nobody turned around
Dirk
And the deal breaker was that note bend… too much for the coaches!
Jonny
and the coaches were MUCH nicer than I could have imagined
Dirk
Yeah, I know
This doesn’t seem like the kind of show that would have mean judges/coaches
Jonny
I think that just leaves us with Christian Cuevas
who was an absolute star
Dirk
I’m gonna go ahead and call it: he’ll be in the top three, if not the winner of this season
His performance was outstanding

Jonny
and I gotta say, MICHAEL BOLTON
MICHAEL
FREAKING
BOLTON
Dirk
such a bold choice!!
Jonny
and he nailed it
Dirk
He really did
Jonny
I think he was the one who said he was a worship pastor
I just hope he does all-Michael Bolton services
Dirk
Take me to that church!
Jonny
just substitute “she” with “You” or “God”
every song is a love song (to Jesus)
Dirk
I think I remember a chapel speaker talking about that in college
Jonny
yes
that was me
I speak about love songs to jesus
at small-tier christian colleges
all over the country
Dirk
I should’ve known!

Jonny
ok. final thoughts
final impressions
Dirk
Well I think it was a pretty strong start to the season with only two contestants not getting picked. Maybe I’m just used to the widespread failure at the beginning of each Idol season, but it was cool to see so much raw talent. I think my faves right now are Dana and Christian.
Jonny
All of the judges fought hard over Ali, and Miley was convinced she was a winner, but I think you’re right, Christian is going to go far in this competition, too.
And I really do like how The Voice handles auditions. One of my big sticking points with Idol was how the auditions were made to appear like the judges saw EVERYONE sing, when you knew they only got to see the very best and very worst. It was not my jam.
I’m sure The Voice is just as finely crafted by the producers as Idol was but it just feels more authentic. And the blind auditions are big part of why I feel that way.

I guess we’ll see if Adam can bounce back tomorrow night!