How to Give a Real Disciplinary Spanking
Classic advice from Aunt Kay of the Disciplinary Wives Club
A couple of days ago, I noticed something when going through my Medium story stats. Out of the 20+ stories I’ve published on Female Led Relationships and F/m Domestic Discipline, one consistently gets more weekly views. By a significant margin. It’s entitled A Real Commenter’s Advice on Giving a “Real” Disciplinary Spanking.
Similarly, on my blog one of the most popular posts of all time is one on Tips & Methods.
I’m surprised only because I’m never clear on who exactly my audience is, how much experience they have with female-led spanking/disciplinary relationships, and how much they are personally interested in the lifestyle versus just into spanking porn and spanking-related erotica.
Based on the stats, it does seem like there are a significant number of people who are genuinely curious but inexperienced and looking for concrete advice.
The Disciplinary Wives Club: An Early Resource for Budding Disciplinary Wives and Disciplined husbands
Most of the men I know who are in F/m domestic discipline relationships had a pre-existing fascination with spanking, which eventually narrowed to an interest in being subject to female authority, including getting “real” spankings a their wives’ discretion.
My route into this lifestyle was a little different. Neither my wife nor I had even heard of adult spanking discipline, until I stumbled upon a now-defunct website called the Disciplinary Wives Club (DWC). (Note: There is an unauthorized WordPress site with most of the DWC’s text content. I don’t like linking to it, but the original site is off-line. You can access copies of the orginal by searching the Wayback Machine for www.auntkaysdwc.com)
Something in the DWC content triggered a very powerful reaction in me. After obsessing over it for two or three days, I told my wife about it and suggested she take a look. While she thought it was a little weird, she agreed to give it a try.
Because we were total newbies, we relied heavily on the content in the DWC’s “Tips and Methods” section.
“Aunt Kay”, the DWC’s founder died a few years ago, but I’m in close touch with her husband and co-founder. He’s still very interested in evangelizing the lifestyle and has permitted me to use all the old DWC content.
Therefore, since there seems to be a strong interest in concrete advice on how to give a proper disciplinary spanking, here is Aunt Kay’s advice from the DWC. I’ll end with some thoughts based on 20+ years of my own trial and error.
BUILDING THAT SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP
A detailed set of instructions and descriptions for women who are serious about instituting or improving good old-fashioned discipline in their homes follows. If you are reading this section, your eventual goal is a relationship with your husband in which you hold the authority to give him discipline asmyou see fit.
There are many men who entertain fantasies of being dominated by a forceful woman all their lives yet would not dare ask their wife to spank them for fear of her reaction. If your husband has asked you to try a woman-in-charge relationship and you have agreed, you have more going for you than many so-called “perfect” marriages. This article contains some useful ideas and perspectives. But, you will eventually learn the most on your own.
REALITY TESTING
You may want to do some reality testing with your husband by trying out some of the following. If he doesn’t cooperate, his desires may be more mental fantasy than a willingness to participate in the reality of it all. He should respond to your instructions for receiving discipline without argument. However, if this is new for you, it will take some practice.
Familiarity with being subject to your discipline will grow over time and it may take a little while to reach the stage where immediate, full compliance can be expected. If he does what you say quickly and obediently, then you are well on your way to a new and interesting relationship. You will also discover how a simple punishment session can act as a pressure release valve for both you and your husband.
The first thing you must do is to explain the golden rule of your proposed (or existing) disciplinary relationship. He must render complete obedience to you with regard to disciplinary issues at all times and must be willing to carry out any and all orders you give him without question or hesitation.
The first time he refuses to obey an order you need to stop and have a serious talk with him right then and there. If the husband is allowed to dictate when he will or will not obey an order, then that leaves some question as to who is really in charge, doesn’t it? Once he has agreed to these terms and understands that the whole scene will end permanently if he is not cooperative, you are ready to begin.
DELIVERING DISCIPLINE
The well-disciplined husband is a direct result of constant vigilance on the part of the wife. Vigilance means being aware of almost everything he is doing and keeping your rules consistent and predictably enforced. In many instances, your discipline will involve tasks and ordeals that he will find highly objectionable. He must always be aware that any rebellion or hesitation on his part will not be tolerated and will be met with additional punishment.
There should never be any doubt in his mind about your ability to administer this punishment. The training methods suggested do involve strict discipline, and strong doses of corporal punishment. They do not involve torture, brutality, cruelty, or anything that could cause lasting harm. Some of the physical punishments described are meant to be painful. There is no question that welts will be raised and bottoms bruised, but chastisement should never leave permanent marks.
A dose of corporal punishment should have a dual effect. It should be extremely painful while it is being applied, and the area it was applied to should remain very tender for a period of time afterwards. Corporal punishment should always be supported with clear and precise description of why the punishment is being done. I call this “lecture” and it adds an important component to the experience.
No matter what instrument is being used, the DWC wife must always keep in mind that the part most commonly on the receiving end, the buttocks, is in close proximity to such vital areas as the kidneys and tailbone. For this reason you should never use a heavy or blunt instrument. Also keep in mind that when you are administering a whipping, your subject is usually doing quite a bit of twisting and squirming. Under these circumstances, it is easy for a stroke to land off target. All the instruments I will recommend for your “starter” set will be quite capable of doing the job but none will do any real harm if a blow is struck high or low.
SPANKING INSTRUMENTS
The instruments you choose to use for punishment should be comfortable for you to handle. Naturally, as your experience grows, so will your collection, but for now we will only discuss the basic items to start you off.
The hairbrush is first and it must receive the honors of being the most popular item associated with “home type” corporal punishment. This is a solid old-fashioned hairbrush. Not one of the modern little plastic brushes. I refer to an oval-shaped hard wood brush with a nice flat back. You may have to look around a bit to find what you want. Be prepared to pay for a good one as it probably will be imported and made of expensive wood and bristles. An interesting place to look is antique shops. If you are lucky, you might find an authentic “turn of the century” model. If you do, chances are that it has been used at one time or another for the same purpose you have in mind. Your brush will last a lifetime, no matter how much you use it. It has been a symbol of spanking and home discipline for years and it is a must for your inventory. Once you have used it to spank your husband, it will become something like a badge of office. It is an object you can leave sitting out in the open and every time he sees it, he will be reminded of the role you each play.
In addition to a hairbrush you should have at least one other paddle suitable for over the knee spanking. In a pinch, a nice flat sandal or slipper will do the job quite effectively, especially on bare cheeks.
Next, you will have to obtain a larger paddle for more serious punishment, or as I call them, “stand-up sessions.” Look for one that is shaped like a large ping-pony paddle and is used for a form of racquetball. Some even have holes drilled in them. The theory behind this is that the holes allow the air to rush through, therefore giving the paddle stroke more velocity. A handy substitute is a 24-inch wood ruler. Before using it, wrap about five inches of one end with a good non-slip tape to form a handle.
You should have at least one good leather strap for your collection. It should be of heavy-grade cowhide, about 20 inches long and at least two inches wide. Good leather preservative should be rubbed in by hand on a regular basis. Besides making the strap pliable it gives it weight. Of course, your husband should be responsible for proper care of your straps. An alternative to a regular punishment strap is a leather belt. Simply double it and use it in the manner taking care of course to hold on to the buckle end. An old razor strap is a very effective instrument but the ones made today are really too light to be effective.
Another type of strap you can make, have made, or purchase from a specialty store is called a “Tawse.” It is a regular leather strap except the last few inches are split into “fingers.” I can assure you that the feel of these fingers wrapping around a buttock or thigh is not soon forgotten.
POSITIONS OF PUNISHMENT
Just as the hairbrush is a must for spanking, spanking is a must for corporal punishment. By this I mean over-the-knee spanking, and no matter how big he is or how small you are, an over-the-knee spanking is possible. Let’s begin with an average size man and woman. We will make no mistake who has superior physical strength. Just remember that it is your dominance and his desire to be submissive that puts him in the spankee position. What is this position? First find a sturdy chair or bench to sit on. It will have to support quite a bit of weight, weight that will be shifting back and forth, so it cannot be weak or flimsy.
Once you are seated, and assuming you spank with your right hand, have him stand at your right side. If you are going to lower shorts or pants, do it now — not when he is over your lap. Put your brush or paddle in your lap and pull the pants well down below his knees. When you are ready to begin, tap your leg once or twice with the brush or paddle. At this visual command, he should quickly position himself across your lap. It is very important that he be trained to do this without hesitation. If you let him get into the habit of stalling after you have ordered him over, each time you give a spanking, it will become more difficult to get him to assume the position.
The first time he hesitates after being given the signal, stand up and beat his bottom and upper legs really hard. Try to become extremely determined and irritated with him, perhaps raising your voice and getting a more stern, irritated look in your eyes and scare him enough so that when you sit down and tap your leg again, he will almost jump across.
Once he is across your knee, give him a few moments to get used to the fact that he is about to be spanked. Begin by giving a couple of hard smacks, then stop. The initial sting will be quite a shock to his system. If you were to keep on, he would struggle so much out of reflex action it would be difficult, if not impossible, to hold him in place. This pause after the first few whacks will give him a chance to mentally gear himself for the ordeal to come. Give him a few more hard smacks and pause again. He will have started to squirm, but the smacks will have been given before any serious movement takes place. His body will be very tense as he awaits the next round of spanks. Wait for him to relax, and tell him to do so. Then resume the spanking.
Here are some ideas for you girls who have really big boys to spank. Your method will be the same, but your positioning will be a little different. Instead of him being over your knee while you sit in a chair, he will be across them while you sit on a bed or couch. His own knees will support most of his weight and elbows but his bare bottom will be right there waiting for your paddle. The important thing is that he is being spanked across your knee and this is what spanking is all about.
Even though I feel a good over-the-knee spanking will solve almost all of your discipline problems, there will still be times when other methods are necessary. An important part of his training is that he knows how to assume different punishment positions when you give the command. There are two basic positions for you to consider. These are the “bent over” and “laying down” positions. The best way for him to assume the first one is to face the back of a chair and then bend over it grasping the seat with his hands. If a chair isn’t handy, just have him bend over and grab his ankles. The important thing is that he presents his bottom for you to punish. Apply your strokes to the fat portion of his behind. Make him remain in a bent over position until you are through. This will take considerable training, but if he knows you won’t stop until he stays in position for a given amount of strokes, he will soon learn how to do it.
The next position where he lays down is suitable for any instrument. The preferred method is to have him lay face down on a long bench with his buttocks elevated slightly. The main advantage of this position is that you can really put considerable force into each swat, and by simply changing sides, you can see that each cheek gets equal attention.
AMBIANCE
Lecture him quietly on why he is being spanked. Tell him if he weren’t so bad and naughty you wouldn’t have to spank his bottom so hard, that sort of talk. For the next series, give eight whacks. Continue to spank in this manner until you think he can take the remainder of the spanking, which should be thirty to fifty spanks without stopping.
A spanking should be an event to remember. Don’t worry about how red his bottom gets. The more color you put into it, the better you are doing. Don’t pay any attention to his cries and pleas and promises. He will tell you anything to get you to stop. Allow him to squirm within limits. If it gets out of hand, give him a smack or two on the back of his thighs. If you give a spanking the way it should be given, the results should still show a week later. He should wince every time he tries to sit for days after. When you are through spanking, or for that matter, giving any form of corporal punishment, be sure he thanks you for taking the trouble to correct him. If you feel it is appropriate have him go to a corner for at least thirty minutes. If you wish, make him stand there with his bottom bared. Do not allow him to talk, move, or rub his buttocks while he is there.
YOUR ATITUDE
If you feel the least bit sorry for him during all this, remember, a submissive man does not want a weak or lenient woman. He wants someone very strict and dominant. If he wanted anything different, he wouldn’t be over your knees in the first place. This isn’t a small child you are holding over your lap by force — this is a grown man who needs and wants a hard spanking. Give it to him and pay no attention to his cries for mercy. The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it.
SUMMARY
Domestic discipline, as described here, is probably practiced in many more homes than you and I would ever guess. If you were to see my husband and me in a restaurant or walking along the street, you would never guess in a hundred years that I spank him regularly. I sincerely believe that if more wives practiced letting their husbands know they were capable of administering a good dose of woodshed discipline, the divorce rate would drop drastically.
Always remember the key traits of establishing a dominant disciplinary relationship. When handling discipline issues be firm but fair, strict, demanding, aloof and unyielding. Don’t be afraid to degrade and humiliate, and above all, when that bare bottom is turned upside down across your knee waiting for the paddle or hairbrush, don’t disappoint him. When you let him up, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees should be quivering, and it should be obvious by looking at his bottom that he is displaying the marks left after a GOOD session.
As I said, as newbies to this lifestyle, my wife and I started with Aunt Kay’s tips, but there has been a lot of trial and error over the years. Here are a few thoughts based on our experiences.
Implements: Those iconic vintage ebony hairbrushes that Aunt Kay recommended are out there but are expensive and difficult to find. (The best source I’ve found is eBay.) Unfortunately, most commercial hairbrushes are way too flimsy to do the job. A far better option for most people is a wooden bath brush, such as this one from the Body Shop. They are manageable in the OTK position but pack way more of a wallop than the heaviest hairbrush.
Positions: Aunt Kay evidently thought the OTK position was easy for newbies. That wasn’t our experience. My wife found it incredibly awkward, to the point that we gave up on it for several years. She would instead have me drape myself over the arm of a couch or the side of the bed. For strappings, she would often have me lay on the bed with my ass in the air thanks to several pillows.
Yet, OTK is undeniably the most iconic spanking position, yielding a level of vulnerability and intimacy that is hard to match. A few years ago, we decided to give it another try. It’s now my wife’s “go to” position, though she still will have me bend over the bed or a chair for a “stand up” session with the paddle or lay down for the strap or belt.
Tears: Aunt Kay ended her Tips & Methods with this:
When you let him up, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees should be quivering, and it should be obvious by looking at his bottom that he is displaying the marks left after a GOOD session.
I agree with all that, except the part about tears. Although I have gotten maddeningly close, in 20+ years I’ve never gotten to full-blown tears, no matter how hard the spanking. I’ve discussed this with many other disciplined husbands over the years. Many are like me, never getting to real tears. Many of those who have say that it took many, many sessions across her knee before they finally let go.
So, my advice is, don’t make tears “a thing.” If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. If it does, accept that deep form of surrender. It’s something I still hope to experience.
Ambiance and demeanor: Where I can’t quibble with Aunt Kay at all is her descriptions of the Disciplinary Wife’s attitude and demeanor. I like that she begins by acknowledging that the most effective attitude may not come naturally. It takes practice. It may take consciously developing a certain detachment. But, she got it exactly right when she advised:
If you feel the least bit sorry for him during all this, remember, a submissive man does not want a weak or lenient woman. He wants someone very strict and dominant. If he wanted anything different, he wouldn’t be over your knees in the first place. This isn’t a small child you are holding over your lap by force — this is a grown man who needs and wants a hard spanking.
I don’t consider myself to be “submissive,” but I do agree that the men who want this lifestyle usually are looking for strength, strictness, and resolve. Although I definitely do not “want” it at the time it’s happening or about to happen, I am that “grown man who needs and wants a hard spanking” and I would not be over her knee if I didn’t.
I hope this was helpful for those of you who may be considering giving this lifestyle a try.
If you would like to discuss these issues directly but don’t feel comfortable leaving a public comment, feel free to reach out to me at dwc_husband@proton.me. If you’d like to be part of a wider discussion with others who are in this lifestyle or interested in exploring it, drop by a blog I’m associated with. www.disciplinedhubbies.com. The comments are moderated to keep out the crazies and the trolls, and participation by both disciplinary wives and disciplined husbands — or those who are interested in being one of those — is encouraged.
