The Hitchhiker’s Guide to ‘Rick and Morty’
The funniest, nerdiest, sharpest cartoon on TV (or, well, one of them) is back for round three in the fight for the multiverse.
Rick & Morty dropped its third season premiere episode on Adult Swim and will re-run it every night at 10 pm this week. The series is a hilarious, often poignant, heavily improvised, relentlessly referential action-adventure-comedy from the minds of Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon. It traverses space-time and the family dynamic of a very, very fucked-up group of people, and merits serious, detailed discussion, and literary-level analysis.
This travel guide to its world—an update to a piece originally published at Outcryer—does not, but we did include some haikus and took care not to spoil anything from the new episode. Enjoy.
The Leading Men: Rick and Morty Forever (Literally)
An introduction to your guides.
And there are literally countless different versions of them across a vast-reaching network of infinite universes — some of which include versions of our duo as furniture, corpses, eye-patch-wearing villains, or Eric Stoltz in Mask-people, and infinitely different adjectives our universe will never even come up with. It’s like the post-Crisis DC multiverse with zero heroes and two constant badasses, broh. (Except for the unionized and bureaucratic Council of Ricks. They are, by definition, Rickdiculous.)
Unity’s 5 Tips On How to Date a Hivemind
Need-to-know dating advice.
Greetings, beings of singular consciousnesses. It has come to our attention that you wish to date a being of collective intelligence. We’re here to help.
5. Check your expectations at the door. Just because bees operate as a hivemind does not mean all hiveminds operate like bees. Hiveminds in each possible universe, including those of Ice and Fire, are often different, even when they seem similar. Tailor your expectations of the hivemind you are dating by doing a little research.
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4. Use the correct pronoun, or default to “they/them.” Each hivemind has his/her/their/its own preference on how he/she/they/it would prefer to be referred to. This can get complicated, especially seeing that some hiveminds do not communicate using language. When in doubt, default to “they/them,” but always ask your hivemind first.
3. Learn how to communicate. Communication is a key component of any relationship, but infinitely more so when your partner contains literal multitudes. Make sure to communicate as honestly and openly with your hivemind partner as you would with any other. If you don’t, they will know.
2. Hiveminds are beings too. Just as important as communication is respect. Hiveminds are just as unique—and just as capable of intelligent thought and subtle emotion—as any being of singular consciousness. Be sure to give your hivemind the love and appreciation they deserve, and always take care to address them with the same compassion you would any singular-consciousness partner.
1. Don’t let them absorb you. While it may be tempt you to get closer to your partner, it is important to remember that one can become too close to a hivemind by becoming part of them. This defeats the purpose of dating a hivemind in the first place. Even hiveminds don’t date themselves…usually.
Birdperson, Who Soared Across Galaxies, Dies at 40
By Margalit Faux | Obituaries
He crossed the Milky Way because it was there, and the furthest reaches of non-Galactic Federation–owned multidimensional space because it was also there.
He made both crossings with just his wings because they, too, were there, and because the lure of suns, stars, and space dust, and the history-making chance to traverse untold galaxies without ship or shuttle, proved irresistible.
In Earth Year 1989 or so, after six months alone in the Milky Way battling asteroids, Gromflomites, and encroaching madness, Birdperson, who died this month at 40, became the first lone…err, birdperson…in recorded history to traverse any galaxy.
In 1992 or so, he and his friend and fellow member of rock band the Flesh Curtains, Rick Sanchez, sharing a spacecraft and portal gun, became the first person and birdperson to fly through non-Galactic Federation–owned multidimensional space, a yearlong ordeal during which their spacecraft was thought lost. (The duo survived the voyage, and so, for quite some time, did their friendship.)
Both journeys were the subject of fevered monitoring by the Galactic Federation. They inspired two memoirs by Mr. Birdperson, “Birdworldia: Flying Alone Across the Milky Way” and, with Mr. Sanchez, “Brohs Across the Multiverse,” both published in the early 2000s.
Mr. Birdperson died on October 4, 2015, at his wedding on Bird World. The cause was assassination by his wife, Tammy Gueterman. A deep-cover agent for the Galactic Federation, she is his only immediate survivor and also shot him in cold blood at their wedding reception, which was revealed to be a sting operation staged by the Galactic Federation.
As a result of the sting and subsequent pursuit, Mr. Sanchez, who by 2015 had become a grandfather and had spent recent years dragging his grandson Morty across the galaxy (though he remained a close friend of Mr. Birdperson), was captured. He is currently incarcerated in a Galactic Federation maximum security prison facility.
Before Birdperson’s untimely death at the Bird Wedding, he shared these vows with his future wife and killer: “Tammy, I was approaching infertility when I met you but there is still time. I am yours until my death.”
The Worlds and Realities: Where to Vacation and Where to Avoid
A crucial travel tip.
Planning a honeymoon or sp-spring b[urp]reak? Tired of trips to pedestrian locations? Sick to death of boring old Earth? W-w-look no further than Sanchez and Smith Travel Agency, where Rickness is our business! Rent one of our patented portal guns (port at your own Rick, I, I, I mean risk) and enjoy the colorful, experimental feel of Dimension 35-C and that one dimension M-Morty and I went to one time with those t[uuurp]esticle monsters. Don’t worry, they’re friendly! And kinda — actually, never mind. There’s Hamster in Butt World! Always good for a f-fun time. A dimension with talking dogs! Really, the multiverse is your, your, y’know, oyster, or whatever. Just don’t end up on Gazorpazorp. Really, n-nobody needs to relive that bad budget ’70s sci-fi nightmare.
The Disgusting Cynicism of Gun Violence in America
By Mr. Poopybutthole | Letters to the Editor
I remember the cold disdain in Beth Smith’s eyes when she pulled the trigger, calculated and emotionless. Then I remember the wind getting knocked out of me as body banged against the wall.
I didn’t even register the laser wound until a few seconds later. My stomach felt hot — burned and raw — while the entry and exit wounds spilled blood everywhere. Summer, Rick, and the others crowded around me. The looks on their faces were a combination of shock and surprise.
The truth is nothing that happened on August 16, 2015, should have surprised anyone. Gun violence is slowly, but gruesomely, killing Americans by the tens of thousands, to the point where everyone from Gabrielle Giffords to disgraced former JSOC commander Gen. Stanley McChrystal have published op-eds on the topic.
The year 2013 saw 73,505 nonfatal firearm injuries in the U.S.(23.2 injuries per 100,000 U.S. citizens). In 2015, I became part of that statistic, and while the massacre that transpired at the Smiths’ house was a necessary armed resistance against a manipulative and dangerous alien species, any one of us could have been part of the second, deadlier statistic: 33,636 deaths from firearms. Those numbers come from 2013 and with the NRA buying a Republican-controlled Congress for more and more money, they don’t show any signs of slowing down.
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So far our response to tragedies like Sandy Hook, Aurora, Charleston, the Orlando Pulse shooting, the more recent incident in a Cincinnati nightclub that killed one and injured 16, has struck me as disdainful as that look in Beth’s eyes before she pulled the trigger. It’s not that these incidents are so insurmountably countless, because they’ve been calculated. It’s not that these incidents are so emotionally crippling that we can’t comprehend them, because we see politicians strip-mine our emotions every time an incident makes national news.
The excuses don’t work anymore. Rather than continue to be played, I call upon my fellow Americans to take my experience as an example. Let Beth Smith’s disdain and calculated, emotionless approach to blowing a hole in my chest with a laser gun offer you a template for how to advocate for gun violence. Call your representatives. Get organized.
There’s still good in this universe and there’s strength in numbers. There’s still an America where little Poopybuttholes can go “Oo-wee!” without fearing for their lives.
But it’s not free. It will cost us our time, our effort, and our guns, if we have the courage to pay the price.
That’s My New Catchphrase!: A Wubba Lubba Dub Ricktionary [Abbr.]
A handy glossary.
broh | bro
noun [slang]
1. an affectionate term for a brother or good friend, usually male
Squanchin’ party, broh!
Don’t even trip, dawg | dont ivən trɪp dɒg
phrase [Direct.]
1. a comforting phrase used to suggest letting go of worries
I got you, dawg, don’t even trip.
I don’t give a fuck | aj dont gɪv ə fək.
phrase [Declar.]
1. Obscene declaration of apathy, and Rick’s second official catchphrase
My new catchphrase is ‘I don’t give a fuck! Roll credits, go! That’s the end of Season One!
I love my grandkids | aj ləv maj grændkɪdz
phrase [Declar.]
1. A deliberately misleading, albeit surprisingly affectionate, self-explanatory one-off joke catchphrase
My new catchphrase is: I love my grandkids.
Rickdiculous | rɪk rədɪkjələs
adjective
1. absurd, ridiculous
That’s Rickdiculous.
Squanch | skwɑntʃ
unknown
1. a catchall, malleable term meaning effectively whatever the user wishes, similar to Peyo’s smurf
2. autoerotic asphyxiation
I like your squanch!
wubba lubba dub dubs | wəbbə ləbbə dəb dəbz
phrase [Declar.]
1. seemingly nonsensical exclamation, and Rick’s first official catchphrase in Season One
2. In the language of Rick’s friend Birdperson, means “I am in great pain. Please help me.”
Talk about wubba lubba dub dubs, am I right, ladies and gentlemen?
Enjoy Your Plumbus Today For Just Six-and-a-Half Brapples!
[Sponsored by Plumbus]
See Plumbus for owner’s manual.
Rick’s Bar and Bowery: Drinkin’ and Druggin’ with the Rickest Rick
Only the finest substances will do.
In order to p-p-p-party with Rick, it’s important to learn how to operate on his level, specifically with liberal use and abuse dangerous substances, whether of this universe or not. This is not only normal, it’s essential for the furthering of science and inter-dimensional adventuring. Ricking means getting “Riggety Riggety Wrecked” with the best of them, Morrrrrty.
To help you out, we’ve included a brief buyer’s guide to the best beverages and dimensional designer drugs of choice across the multiverse. Go nuts, my glip glops!
XXX Ltd.
— Available in wine, whiskey, and mystery moonshine varietals!
Price: Not getting paid dick for product placement, and a first-class ticket to hell for everyone who laughing at Rick’s rampant alcoholism.
Duff Beer
— Yes, that Duff!
Price: “It’s a premium lager,” according to a 21st Century Fox drone who needs to sell it in Chile and Europe before it makes it to the U.S. (because they really know their fan-base), so we’re assuming roughly $12 a bottle.
Collaxion Crystals
— Like a certain blue-eye-inducing substance that preceded it, an intergalactic designer drug, but dancier.
Price: The life of a hybrid clone of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln, or “whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Party Cup Punch
— For when the time comes to enable a good squanching.
Price: A noose (or leash), your dignity, and two shakes.
The Drunk-Driven Flying Car Special
— To really impress your grandkids.
Price: Priceless.
Two more notes…
Burps are essential.
Slurps are holiday bonus.
So Long, and Thanks for All the Ricks: Influences on Story and Style
The staff acknowledges…
To give you an idea for how deep the cuts go, we’ve gathered a woefully incomplete list of material the show explicitly references. If Rick and Morty had a summer reading and watching list, this would be it. Infinite possibilities, infinite jokes, infinite worlds, all await.
- Back to the Future
- Doctor Who
- Star Trek
- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
- The Venture Bros.
- Joseph Campbell
- Zardoz
- Dune
- Gravity Falls
- Preacher
- The Legion of Doom
- The Fantastic Four’s Council of Reeds
- “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”
- Saturday Night Live
- Titanic
- “Love Potion №9”
- Risky Business
- Something Wicked This Way Comes
- Raising Arizona
- The work of M. Night Shyamalan
- “Seek & Destroy”
- Close Encounters of the First Kind
- “Jack and the Bean Stalk”
- Jurassic Park
- Cats & Dogs
- Ulysses
- Pirates of the Caribbean
- The Simpsons
- Futurama
Rick’s Gonna Give It To Ya: The Sounds of the Stars
Ed. Note: Before we published this article, we asked Rick Sanchez of Earth Dimension C-137 if he had anything to add. He gave us a sneer and retorted with this:
Nice haikus, I guess, but yeesh, how could you dumbasses forget the music? What’s the matter with you people!? And way to totally shit on me and my relationship with the Council of Ricks, by the way — and neglect that we put John Oliver in an episode like a month before he blew up. It must not have been burned into your thhh[urp]ick skulls by now just how smart we are. You must be friends with Jerry somehow, though I know that’s impossible. Anyways, for those of you just tuning in at the very bottom of this cute little Idiot’s Guide to our show, Rick and Morty, here’s a special section dedicated purely to the music. We’ve cried, danced, and dr-d-drank to these songs, and you can too, like the wannabe Ricks you all are. “Smartest people in the universe,” my ass.
— RICK SANCHEZ OUT, MUTHAFUCKAS!
[Note: You can read the original version of this piece at Outcryer.]
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