Once upon a time, when I was a young woman, I got into a relationship with a guy that showed me every red flag imaginable. But because he was a “tortured soul”, I thought I would be able to love him enough to make him happy.
He was not mentally well nor was he receiving any type of treatment. While it wasn’t his fault that he had a mental illness, it was on him to receive help for it. I couldn’t fix him. I didn’t have the knowledge or resources to give him what he needed.
Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough
The relationship became abusive because no matter how much love I gave to him, he was still an unstable person who was prone to violent outbursts. My love couldn’t fix what was going on in his mind.
I accepted him and loved him as best as I could but it wasn’t like the movies. I couldn’t change him.
He didn’t think he needed to change anyway so the relationship continued as it was until I was finally able to get out.
It took me years and another similar relationship to realize that it is never my job to fix someone. I vowed that I would never go into another relationship where I felt the need to change a person or to help them with their deep rooted problems.
That wasn’t my job nor is it your job. You are not their parent or therapist. You don’t have the skills to help a person who needs professional help. Love won’t be enough.
There’s a big difference between accepting someone just as they are and ignoring red flags that are right in front of your face. Sometimes there is no amount of love that will fix what is broken inside someone. It isn’t your job to fix it anyway.
Love Isn’t A Project
Don’t go into a relationship hoping to fix what you deem broken about someone. It probably won’t end well. Do you know why? Because most people don’t want to change.
Think about it, would YOU want to change who you are as a person just to appease a potential partner? Then chances are, they won’t either. Should you even want to change a person?
A new relationship shouldn’t be viewed as a project. You’re setting your self up for disappointment if you are viewing it that way. It might sound romantic to be someone’s savior but chances are, you’ll be the one to get hurt.
Love Isn’t a Cure To a Broken Soul
You see it all the time in the movies; the dejected, angry male meets the woman who will end up changing his life just because she loves him. Hey, guess what? It isn’t your job to fix someone.
Believe me, I know how one can be drawn to these types of relationships. You’re the type that likes to help and nurture people. You’re good at solving problems. You’re accepting of just about every one.
So, when a potential partner comes along that, you assume, just needs a little love to be a decent human, you give them all of your love.
You hope this will be enough to change the type of person they are. However, love isn’t enough to cure a “broken” person.
This is not to say that “broken” people don’t deserve love. Of course they do. Everyone deserves to be loved. Just don’t expect your love to be what makes them whole again.
If this person has gone through their whole life acting one way, chances are they are fine with how they are as a person. They don’t want to change and they will probably continue with their behavior no matter how much love you give them.