An Argument.
Healing is a journey, not a destination.
I got into a heated argument with my someone very close to me last night, and if you know me well, you will know how much I care about a person to get into an argument because I don’t usually argue. One of my strengths and flaws is that I’m very emotionally unattached to things and people, I live in my bubble — where not a lot of people and things exist. I care deeply about five people; I can be ignorant of the rest of the world. I don’t waste my energy and time on things and people that I simply don’t care about. Hence, for me to argue back with someone, that means I care about that person to a certain degree (that means I care about that person very much.)
My friend has this one friend — who is an energy vampire, and she always looks at life through the lens of lack. It doesn’t matter where she is in her life, there is something she complains about, and my friend hates it. Yet, she does not seem to be able to break herself from the friendship, and after so many years of the same pattern, same routine, same conversation, I lost it with her last night. We got into a heated argument where she raised a point of not giving up on people when they are in the hole — when they need you to be patient.
And I thought about it a lot, it was a trigger to me — because I’m very hard on myself, I tend to be very hard on others. There had been times when my cousins and friends had mentioned to me how much I was pushing them to change while they were not ready to evolve yet. I thought I’d somehow managed to be more patient and forgiving toward others, but it seemed like I still hold myself to a high standard of self-improvement. There were a lot of times when I’d pushed myself moving forward because I couldn’t accept myself feeling stuck or being stuck, either mentally, or emotionally. But I’ve learned that there’s a difference between truly being ready to move forward and merely “thinking” that you are ready to move forward. There are times when my soul just wants to exist — not learning, not evolving.
A friend of mine had asked me to help him apply for a better job because he hated the company he was working for. After he asked me three times, I decided to help because I sensed the urgency and seriousness in his tone. But when I asked him for his updated resume, he sent me a very outdated one, which I gracefully fixed for him. During one conversation, he made a joke about being drunk on the job interview, which was a total turn-off to me — why would you want to make a joke in the middle of a serious conversation about your future? We got into an argument because he said I was taking the matter too seriously, I guess it revealed a side of me that not many people had seen or anticipated.
After that incident, I realized that maybe I was being too hard on people, and everyone had different journeys and lessons that I knew nothing about — my cousin once told me that everyone traveled a different speed, I can’t expect people to evolve as quickly as I want them to, and I certainly can’t help people who don’t choose to help themselves. Maybe that’s the lesson that my friend is learning — how to let go of those who choose not to help themselves.
Personally, I strongly believe that we choose the reality we want to live in — no matter which situation we might be dealing with. I believe that we create the reality in our life, and I believe in our ability to transform adversity into lesson and growth. Maybe I’m too hard on people because I believe in power of self-evolvement.
Even on those moments when you think that there is no path for you to move forward — if you are brave enough to make the first step — the path will be merged by each step you take.
Maybe I’m too hard on myself, because I believe there are no limits of how much I can evolve.
“Whoever said sky was a limit just didn’t know about the multi-universes. You are limitless.”
At the end of the day, I hope you know that it is okay if you are being too hard on yourself. As I was falling asleep last night, I told myself that, “It’s okay if I’m being too hard on myself, however I choose to be, it’s okay, I forgive myself.” — and I slept peacefully.
I hope you learn to forgive yourself too.
Healing is a journey, not a destination — take your time traveling.
Thank you for reading ❤
My name is Tracy Ly, the author of Oncloudcyy’s Newsletter , the owner of The dreaming Tree Publication House.
I’m glad you read my article and I hope my words find you in time of need.
A couple of my friends think of me as the World-Championship Day-dreamer because I live in my thoughts and dreams more than in life. Maybe life is nothing but our bubble of thoughts and dreams. I love sharing my experiences to the world, hoping that my words somehow make people feel less alone, as writing them does to me.
I write a lot about love, and relationships because I’ve learned valuable lessons about myself and others through the relationships I’ve had in my life. I hope you will resonate on a deeper level with my words and experiences.
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