A Brief Note on Foods I Should Not Have In My House

I am 45 years old. I am hungrier than I have ever been in my life. My doctor told me that this happens to women my age. It’s just hormones. She also told me that my stomach is desperately wanting to hold on to belly fat because it’s so worried about my diminishing hormones that it would like to keep some estrogen in there just in case. I can work out every day and it really won’t make a difference, she said (perhaps grinning a bit). Which I guess is why my doctor thinks my weight is just fine whereas I’d like her to ask me to aim higher. Complacency sucks, even if you are 45.

I have two words for you belly (and doctor): Screw off.

Yes it is true that I recently took a leftover pizza home from a school event “for my kids” and then ate most of it standing up,dipped in ranch (the pizza, not me). And maybe I ate that bag of missing M&Ms, not my six year old. Maybe the cookies didn’t go stale and get thrown out. Maybe at midnight I’m not “working” but snacking, just as I remember my mother pattering down to the kitchen late at night when she was my age.

But this will end today. I will rage against the machine that is my 40-something body. I will not feed the beast and say it is all OK. I will say no to buying any of the following foods in any size bag because, as a friend pointed out, no matter what the bag says they are all just one serving.

Take notice:

  • chocolate covered pretzels
  • yogurt covered pretzels
  • gummy vitamins
  • Belvita cookies
  • peanut M&Ms
  • graham crackers
  • dark chocolate covered anything
  • break apart cookies “for the kids”
  • absolutely any seasonal or novelty snack from Trader Joe’s
  • rice

The list could go on and on. But you get my point. I run a business. I manage a family. I can get my hormones under control. I will stop the menopausal munchies. But don’t be surprised if I yell at you in the process. I am 45 after all.

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