Wanted: Professional Facebook Grip

My internal thoughts are often adorable, smart and clever. It’s like I’ve got my own personal sitcom going on over here, with a frustratingly small audience of one.

If I post these things on Facebook, then it’s all about me being the kind of person who posts these things on Facebook. It makes me a Facebook bad guy, and more importantly, the cute thing is lost.

Remember the post from your cousin and half a dozen others this weekend? You know, the ones where they actually took the time to transcribe their own dialogue blow by blow to show the cuteness:

Me: Now?
John: Tuesday I think
Me: Well that makes it Taco Tuesday, right?!

As a result, I’m terrified to post anything other than sardonic comments and posts implying my coming baldness bothers me (yeah, right!). Exceptional material from my life sits on the cutting room floor, a series of anecdotes that shed light on the human condition, moldering in the dark.

As a result, I’m searching for a person to follow me around and post things I did or said. This person will provide a first hand account of my reactions and reflections. They will bear witness to my comings and goings. They will find an artful way to post this material on Facebook, tagging me.

This person will be an excellent typist and will live in my dog shed. I will facilitate an introduction with my friends, via DM. It will be awkward at first, but in time this person’s role will be valued and admired.

No offense intended if you choose to handle your affairs differently, but you won’t see me sharing my deepest thoughts on social media. If others have the inclination to mention me, or if doing so is associated with their livelihood and their cot in my dog shed, that is purely their prerogative.

Ironically, I’d appreciate it if you would please consider hitting Recommend if you liked this post. Thank you very much.