Update #3: Motivation is waning

I’ve been interviewing myself weekly while I work on my new novel. Go here to start at the beginning.

Want to be one of the first to read my draft when it’s ready? Send me an email to jb@lot23.com, I’d love to hear from you.

Journalist: Thanks for joining us again, Jon. Last week, you mentioned pushing through doubts. Can you tell us how the week has been since then?

Jon: Still having doubts! I’ve had some good breakthroughs this week I can be proud of, and at the same time I’m wondering “is giving up so bad?” I’m doing too many things, so maybe I should just loudly announce that I’m shelving the book so I’m not spread so thin.

Teenager: Wait, so Kin gets forced into this pirate crew? Did he try to fight back or, like, sneak away? I wanna know how he even ends up stuck with these guys!

Jon: Spoiler alert! So I am trying to build out a dynamic where a young man, Kin, gets brought into a pirate crew against his will. I didn’t want it to be too easy, like “sure I’ll join you murderous thugs” but I also didn’t want it to be unrealistic, like defeating an entire crew on his own. I want him to really struggle with the decision, and I’m proud of how those discussions and plot points turned out.

Publisher: Confidence in the story is good, but feeling shaky about the writing could be a warning sign. Do you think it’s an issue of polish, or are you questioning the core execution of scenes like Kin joining the pirate crew?

Jon: Honestly, it might just be bad. I can’t tell right now. I feel confident about the overall story, but I am not feeling confident in the quality of writing.

Journalist: That’s a fair point — sometimes stepping back is the healthiest choice. But if you do shelve it, would you see it as a permanent stop or just a pause to return when life feels less packed?

Jon: I don’t think I’m waiting for things to be less packed. It’s possible I don’t have the passion to see a novel through. I may be a short story person.

Teenager: Too hard? Seriously? You’ve already done the hardest part — getting this far. So what if it’s a mess right now? You’re building something big. Are you really gonna quit before you see if it works?

Jon: I may shelve it.

Publisher: Shelving a project isn’t a failure — it’s strategy. But if you’re considering it, ask yourself: is it because the story isn’t working, or because the process feels overwhelming? If it’s the latter, shelving might not fix the real problem. What’s your plan for deciding?

Jon: I disagree that shelving because I’m overwhelmed won’t fix the real problem. If you’re trying to carry too much, carrying less is what you need.

Journalist: That’s a fair point — sometimes stepping back is the healthiest choice. But if you do shelve it, would you see it as a permanent stop or just a pause to return when life feels less packed?

Jon: I don’t think I’m waiting for things to be less packed. It’s possible I don’t have the passion to see a novel through. I may be a short story person.

Publisher: If you think you might be better suited to short stories, why not test that? Set the novel aside and focus on writing a shorter piece based on one of the novel’s scenes or characters. It could help you gauge your interest without the weight of an entire book hanging over you. What do you think?

Jon: I’ve done that for years, and I’ve enjoyed it. Now this is the book where I’m trying to pull it all together.

Journalist: So this is the culmination of years of storytelling in short form. That’s a powerful motivator. Do you think the struggle you’re feeling now is because you’re trying to leap from something you’re comfortable with — short stories — to something that feels new and intimidating, like a novel?

Jon: Bingo.

Teenager: Okay, but if you’re good at short stories and this feels scary, isn’t that kinda the point? Like, leveling up is supposed to be hard. Maybe it’s not about being perfect right now but just proving to yourself you can finish it. What do you think?

Jon: I think people overemphasize growth and don’t talk enough about being content with what you have. I don’t think striving is always noble. Sometimes it’s a mental health issue, to not be able to slow down. To not be able to smell the roses. To know you’re enough. Even if your output isn’t keeping up with what you hoped.

Publisher: Fair enough — there’s wisdom in knowing when to slow down and reevaluate. But let me push you on this: is shelving the book really about contentment, or is it fear disguised as acceptance? It’s okay if it’s the latter, but if that’s the case, wouldn’t finishing — on your own terms — be the real way to claim peace?

Jon: Here’s the thing about art. You need to want to put yourself through the process. I don’t think I’m fearful, I think I’m demotivated. And if I can’t find that flow, this book won’t get done.

Journalist: That’s an important distinction — fear versus motivation. If the process isn’t calling to you, it’s hard to force it. Do you think there’s a way to reconnect with the parts of this book that first excited you? Or is this a sign it’s time to let it rest?

Jon: Well, posting an honest weekly update like this is part of my technique. So let’s wrap up there.

Follow up
Writing this felt good. It gives me a little flicker of inspiration that makes it feel like maybe the pilot light hasn’t completely gone out. But I want to stress something I said above: I’m not fearful, exactly. I’m just wondering if this is really want I want to do. I think most people have to-do lists that are too long, passions that they don’t have time to fully realise, and an oppressive feeling of drowning under expectations internal and external.

I don’t think it would be a failure to quit, as long as I announced it clearly to myself. Maybe the timing isn’t right. Maybe this isn’t what I want to do. I need to think about this and decide on a direction, in or out. But either way, I don’t want to fall into it. I want to do it with intention.

Here’s how my writing has gone. Big gaps, but big spikes. It’d feel good if next week it was all spikes. Or if I decided to give up. Both are fine, I just need to pick one.

Want to be one of the first to read my draft when it’s ready for readers? Send me an email to jb@lot23.com, I’d love to hear from you.